VIII Of Swords

2010-03-04T20:41:00.000+08:00

God, I'm bored. And for some reason, posting on Multiply just makes me even more bored.

New Game, New Rules, New Arena

2009-11-13T09:16:00.001+08:00

New Game+

2009-10-14T21:27:00.002+08:00

For those unfamiliar with the concept, please read: New Game Plus

I think it's time to let this old blog die. Not delete it. No, not that. There is far too much here that I would rather linger on the Internet and be read, dissected, and maybe even --- in some strange, warped sense --- appreciated. That isn't saying I'm done writing, however.

No. I love to write. I write for the sake of the act of writing, rather than any other financial, intellectual, or supposedly spiritual benefit of it. Writing is my arena, my domain. Abandoning it is unthinkable; I'd sooner stop breathing than stop writing, thinking about what to write, and looking at ways to write what my mind conjures.

I've always felt that writing isn't an art or a skill; writing is a game. In fact, it is The Game. I have, in many ways, been playing it for a long time now. Still, some inner contemplation has given me the chance to realize that the current set of rules by which I play no longer meet my needs. In a sense, I've hit the proverbial "upper limit" of improvement that my current rules allow. Thus, it is time to change the rules.

I will, of course, need time to restructure those rules. I find it kind of sad, really. I've come to rather enjoy this blog and the need to maintain the slavering, mindless hunger of it. Still, things must change and life must go on. Over-dramatic as it may sound, it is near the end of an era for me.

So the wheel of ages turns. We'll see where it leads this time around soon, won't we?

A Public Apology - Short Version

2009-10-07T11:11:00.001+08:00

To whom it may concern:

I, Harvey Lauren Ong, would like to offer my sincere apologies for things that have occurred. Words have been said that have been interpreted as threatening, and statements made that have been taken as defamatory towards both the company and Mr. William Tengco. This was not, and never was, the original intent and these were mistakes and miscalculations on my part.

I am now offering a heartfelt statement of contrition, in the hopes of finding an amicable means of settling the matter. My actions were mistaken and miscalculated, and should never have been undertaken. I realize now what I did was wrong, and harm has been caused both to individuals and to the company at large.

Again, I would like to offer my apologies and my assurance – for what it’s worth – that such statements and actions will not occur in the future, and that these mistakes will not be repeated. This is in regards to both the company in general, and Mr. William Tengco specifically.

In closing, there is little left to say but this: I am sorry.

Fun Fact

2009-10-03T22:43:00.001+08:00

Cockroach poison probably won't kill a man. Though, I have found that it has made it substantially harder for me to stay awake lately. Wonder why that is?

2009-09-30T20:18:00.002+08:00

Take my love, take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm still free
You can't take the sky from me

Take me out to the black
Tell them I ain't comin' back
Burn the land and boil the sea
You can't take the sky from me

There's no place I can be
Since I found Serenity
But you can't take the sky from me...

--- The Ballad of Serenity, from the TV series Firefly

Game Over?

2009-09-30T15:21:00.003+08:00

Link 1
Link 2

So, why the links? Seems about to be sued, you see. Or there's a substantial risk of me being sued. Can't say I'm surprised at this. Kind of surprised it took this long, considering local libel laws. I guess this is game over, then. At least, if I do get sued; slim chance of that not happening and all that. We'll see.

This is what I get for speaking the truth, I suppose.

The only real consideration I have left is simple. I honestly don't want to burden the people I care about any further than I already have. Which...well, this leaves me with one last move to play.

I Aim To Misbehave.

2009-09-28T14:10:00.003+08:00

So, my boss wants a written (and signed, I bet) explanation for one of my recent entries. So I will oblige him. In the interest of transparency, I will include said written explanation here, along with some minor commentary.

With that in mind, let us delay no further.

The Explanation:

Why did I write those things? The answer is simple. It needed to be said.

We are employees. This comes with the sad implication that no matter what the boss does, says, or implements, we are to bend over and accept it. We do not question, we do not doubt, and we certainly do not say anything about it. Simply put, unless you are somehow in some sort of managerial position, you are apparently not supposed to complain, and you are supposed to just let people above you walk all over you.

I do not hold to that.

My view is simple. I have not said anything that did not need to be said. What I said is both my personal opinion and, quite likely, a sentiment shared by others in the company among the rank and file. I am not happy with this recent string of refusals to take command responsibility, the multiple instances of insane policy, and the constant attempts to take away what little enjoyment we have in the office environment.

I did not say anything that nobody else has not already expressed. The only difference is that I said it out loud. I figured none of them were actually going to speak up about it, to be frank about it. Quiet acceptance, I have noted, has only invited further provocation from the company, and frankly, I was tired of being provoked.

Someone had to come out and openly say the things that we have kept bottled up and never spoke of. Someone had to let it all out. Someone had to make you notice. Whatever it is you think you're doing, we aren't happy about it. Most just choose not to talk about it for reasons of their own. As for myself? I've done this before; I saw the need to speak out then, and I see the need to speak out now.

Your recent actions show us you have no respect for us. You have shown us no respect in your decisions, your policies, and your actions. So I ask, why should we continue to show you respect?

So, what comes next? Maybe he'll fire me. Maybe I'll get some sort of sanction. Maybe nothing will happen. I honestly don't know, and am only barely bringing myself to care about the possibility of being unemployed. Again.

One would think I've have learned to keep my mouth shut by now, but, see...keeping my mouth shut means I am being "reasonable." Frankly, if everyone in the history of the world was "reasonable," the human race would be extinct. So I made my choice.

I did not back down.

I should, perhaps, mention that I do not intend to take anyone with me. Yes, we all think the same as what I said, but not everyone said it out loud. That was my move, and my move alone. Should my move be justification for my part on this Game to end, then so be it. I will only regret that no one else spoke up as I did, because I think we all know more people need to speak up.

Note: Many thanks to the wonderful series Firefly and the movie Serenity for the title. Great stuff.

Good Girl. Bye Girl.

2009-09-26T08:38:00.004+08:00

Death, as I have mentioned before, is something I view as inevitable and inexorable. You will die, and you will not be able to avoid it. So by and large, I think I'm going to be able to die more or less able to accept it. It sometimes becomes a different matter when it comes to people around me, however.

I did not feel much of anything when my grandfather (maternal) died. Nor did I feel anything when my grandmother (paternal) died. Their deaths were expected. Then we come to the most recent death of someone that mattered to me, even in the slightest way.

Brownie (pictured above) was my uncle's pet dog. Don't know what breed, don't particularly care either. Anyone who knows me will know I prefer animals to people. I find humans disgusting things, and take more comfort in machinery. Barring that, a good dog or cat. What I know is that I find her death has affected me quite deeply, almost as if I was her owner and had raised her for years by my own hand.

She died of cancer. Didn't even know dogs could get cancer. I find it barely consoling that she died quietly, in her sleep. The worry was that she would live to the point where it became unbearable to do so, and had to be euthanized. I...a part of me is glad it didn't come to that.

In a way, I think she knew it was coming. Little things, like walking up to us and sitting down, just begging to be petted or paid attention to. Maybe I'm over-thinking it, or seeing something that's not there. Regardless, I will hold on to the belief that she did that yesterday because she knew it was her last chance.

I don't think I have a point or something to say. Just...I think I just need to admit that this has made me profoundly sad, and I'm going to miss her.

2009-09-21T10:08:00.000+08:00

You know who you are.

My Boss Is A Sanctimonious Sonovabitch

2009-09-21T08:08:00.007+08:00

Ignore the picture, I just put it there for decoration.

One of these days, the people that I work for are going to die. I am going to hear about it, and I am going to take a very, very fine amount of distinct pleasure from it. Hopefully, that day will come so deliciously soon.

In case I haven't been crystal clear, I actively and openly hate my bosses and I hope they all die or have some measure of sense beaten into them. Violently and continuously. It isn't any one big act of sheer stupidity that's gotten to me, unlike one of my former employers. No, my current office has managed at least avoid that. This one, this...Asia1Pro (yes, I know, it is an insipidly stupid name and I avoid having to mention it whenever possible) has earned my displeasure by compounding numerous little things into the mix.

I learned to live minus the USB ports, though the fact that they're still blocked is something I am still personally offended by. I still think their insistence on not letting us use them is stupid. I find my view of this worsened by their excuse, citing "security reasons." So...for the almost two years we've been using them, they weren't a security risk? That's a flimsy excuse and you know it, Tengco. Sure, they reason that there is a perfectly workable alternative and that we can simply talk to the network admin to have them temporarily reactivated, but see...there's still a problem there.

The alternatives mentioned have a tendency to fail rather miserably, and one of them has been a dismal failure for weeks now. Not that it was ever much use, considering that there was no way we could actually recover files from it. As for the network admin solution, it is a waste of time --- both the admin's and the employee's. So, what, each time I need to make a back-up of something, I need to talk to him, assuming he's even around? Wouldn't it be significantly simpler to just open everything up and get rid of the proverbial "middle man" in this?

Then there's the numerous sites they've decided to block. I could care less about social networking plagues like Multiply and Facebook. Blocking those sites I can somewhat understand, even if they are (perhaps literally) among the few things that have kept the average employee in this company from becoming mindless drones on the job. I can empathize with them, mind you. I can understand how the blockage of these sites gives them a feeling of being stifled, of being deprived of what few available outlets they have to relax during the workday. But that's not my concern. My concern here is the fact that these morons have chosen to block YouTube and Photobucket.

You have to wonder why, really. YouTube I can sort of understand. It is quite possible to end up losing yourself on that site without even trying. Plus, some of the videos can be a touch taxing on the already shitty Internet connection the office uses. But Photobucket? Come on, man. The site does not qualify as social networking, so you can't use that excuse. It is an image hosting service, and the search feature isn't even all that comprehensive. For what logical reason could you possibly block that site? Unless the only reason it was blocked was to spite people. You haven't even gotten around to blocking the inordinate amount of porn sites that some people apparently access on a semi-regular basis, for crying out loud.

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that the guy who runs this hellhole of an office has decided it is against the rules to talk to each other. No, I do not mean that as a metaphor. He has blocked meebo, which means we are cut off from our individual, personal IM accounts. He has also issued a memo that basically can be summed up as "no talking, relaxing, or relieving stress during work."

No, I am not joking. We cannot use IM accounts like AIM or MSN. We do have Jabber, but everyone knows he monitors everything that gets mentioned there and it'd be an outright intrusion of privacy if it wasn't so blatantly clear he's doing it. As for the "no talking" policy, I sincerely doubt anyone really cares about it. I'm certain everyone who knows of it ignores its very existence unless he's around, and from what I've seen, he's quite capable of violating it himself. Still, when he's actually present, people do have to pay the stupid thing lipservice, at least. I sometimes wonder if he's deliberately trying piss us off, or if he's intentionally ignoring the stupidity of said policy.

I should not forget the most recent act of inexplicable stupidity, however. See, all of my previous employers, even the dumbass ones, have always had a relatively decent policy for holidays. Show up for work on a holiday, you get extra cash. Simple enough. There were no inherent confusions regarding what type of holiday it was, and certainly very few instances of us having no idea if we needed to show up for work or if it was optional. The current office? Now that's a bit of a story.

I can sort of understand all those times when they attempted to find a loophole in the wording or legalities to get out of paying us what is rightfully ours by law. But this recent...I can't even describe it. Let's go back to the previous holiday.

We are informed that we are not required to show up for work if we don't want to, but will still be paid. Fine, most of us don't bother to show up. Who's going to pass up a long weekend, right? There's a hiccup to that, though. A hiccup, I might add, that the chain of command was well aware of prior to informing us we can choose not to show up for work. That hiccup is that, for some inane reason, the Department of Trade and Industry declares the field we happen to be working in as being exempt from the holiday. Never mind the sheer strangeness of being exempted from a declared holiday. The point is, the higher-ups knew we were not counted and yet told us it was our option not to show up anyway. The next day, we come in, and we are not so subtly informed that we are all counted as absent, "no call, no show" for the day. Why? Because some insipid moron higher up the chain of command sent the wrong info and never bothered to correct it. It is not our fault that you got it wrong, and not our fault you were too stupid to do anything about it. Yet he took it out on us anyway by not paying us for that day, instead of taking the responsibility for his mistake!

Oh sure, try to fix it by having us all file sick leaves to get paid for it. That doesn't work because, you see, we weren't sick. By having us file those things, you are making us take responsibility for your mistake. That's not how a chain of command works, you sanctimonious sonovabitch. I haven't touched those sick leaves. I haven't touched my vacation leaves. I was not going to use them to cover up your inability to grasp the concept of "command responsibility!"

Which brings us to today. Yet another holiday. This one, for the past few years, has been consistently optional. We have never been required to show up for work for this particular holiday, and even when we don't, we get the regular daily pay rate. Yet, for some reason, this year, we have no idea. See, nobody seems to know whether we need to show up or not. The only way to know for sure is to ask the HR liaison/Admin assistant person. That, however, brings up a few issues.

First, my shift clocks in at 0900 hours. The person in question clocks in later than that. What does this mean? Well, if I want to get paid either way, I need to clock in on-time. If I don't and there is work, I won't get paid despite actually being at work. Of course, even if there is no work, it'd be pointless. I've already clocked in and if I leave early, I am forfeiting my pay. So damned if I do, damned if I don't. Oh, and the person who knows whether or not we need to show up? She's on leave.

Second issue is the simple fact that nobody seems to know whether or not the holiday even counts. For crying out loud, is it that hard to make a clear decision on whether or not it counts and inform us? If you and your delusional state of mind want us to sit in front of our piece of trash computers and attempt to do our jobs despite the atrocity that is the Internet connection we use, then why not just say so? It'd be far less aggravating than having us show up for work, clocking in, getting work done, and then telling us we've all just wasted our time.

I swear, if finding another job wasn't so damn inconvenient, I suspect many of us would have left by now.

Disheartening

2009-09-10T07:46:00.002+08:00

I know not why, but I find Noynoy Aquino's decision to run rather...disheartening. It feels wrong for him to run for the presidential office, even if he actually does have better political credentials for it than his mother did. I have no idea why, but it just seems like a bad, bad idea.

Also:
I would consider my employers no better than thugs, goons, and thieves for what they've done and will likely continue to do. Then again, I cannot do that in clear conscience. I wouldn't want to insult the thugs, goons, and thieves of the world, do I?

Webcomics

2009-09-03T20:08:00.004+08:00

I like webcomics. I find it comforting to be able to check on them and read updates and just have something to occupy my mind for a bit, entertain me. Here are a few favorites. Note that, for the purposes of universal enjoyment, I have decided to remove any webcomic that may require knowledge of a specific niche or field to enjoy. This includes +EV and Order of the Stick.

Marry Me: a short, very touching story about a pop star and a guy (conveniently named Guy) who has one of those cliche "Marry Me" signs during her concert. They get married, and that, ladies and gents, is when one of the sweetest love stories in comic format begins.

Contemplating Reiko: perhaps one of the best webcomics that delves into very, very dark humor. If you're not turned off by things some might find offensive, such as torture and casual killing, then you're likely to find this rather enjoyable.

Out There: there's not a whole lot to be said about this one. It is a good comic about normal people. Or a normal comic about good people. It touches on ordinary people and their lives, with their ordinary problems and concerns, and that makes for very compelling material. Either way, it is perhaps one of the most compelling reads on the Internet, webcomic or not.

Queen of Wands: this webcomic is already complete, and it is also an excellent read. Insights into things everyone thinks about at one point or another, and a very compelling, very lovable cast. Don't let the name fool you; there's nothing in this that's occult but the name. An excellent, very well-written work.

Nana's Everyday Life: if this comic fails to make you feel sad or cry, then you have no heart, no soul, and no humanity.

So, Who's Hiring?

2009-08-18T10:23:00.003+08:00

It is time to move on, methinks. After about two years or so with this job, I feel it is about damn time I moved on and found a better job. Or at least one that isn't so...annoying. Not that I'm unemployed just yet, merely seriously considering other offers. Frankly, there's not a whole lot of incentive left for me to stay where I am, and a slowly increasing number of reasons to get the Hell off this ship.

With that in mind, I can only wonder who'd be willing to hire a writer-editor with almost three years of experience in the field?

I have been told many times that I am good at what I do, particularly when properly motivated. I'm enough of a grammar Nazi to make sure things are done right, but not to the point that makes the writing too correct to be read. Yes, folks, there is such a thing as being too grammatically correct that the average person finds your work unreadable.

My blog has been online for years now, and it largely serves as a working records of my writing style when I'm being informal. As for more formal things, like articles and such, I can provide samples when asked. I could probably whip one up if given a topic and material to research and verify facts with. Admittedly, I rarely ever edit my own blog, as the content of it is rather raw and needs polish in every respect. Still, for what is essentially spur-of-the-moment writing, it isn't completely unreadable.

Despite my habit of openly questioning policies and changes to quota, I am undeniably reliable in producing what is required of me. I've never been absent, as far as I recall, have only been late once --- and only then due to a technicality --- and I maintain a strict policy of not calling in sick if I can still walk and type. For those who don't quite see what I'm getting at, it means I'm always around to actually get the job done. Mark my words, barring truly unreasonable demands, I do get the job done. I have yet to be remiss in my daily quota of written material without extenuating circumstances.

I also have experience in the field. I've written blog posts, promo ads designed for SEO projects, web content articles, and even a few press releases. Though, admittedly, I think I should discount that last one due to the odd nature of the assignment. In any case, I've been at this for three years, and know a thing or two about what is needed if the writing is SEO support. I've written for both formal and informal media, along with my own personal projects.

I don't really do social networking, so feel free to ban YouTube, Multiply, Friendster, and the like in the office. Even if you don't, I'm just as likely to find a way to block them on my own as I am to grudgingly visit them. No accounts on any of them except YouTube, either, and I only really use that to have a playlist handy for whenever I feel like it. Just don't take away USB ports, Google Mail, or Google itself.

Anyway, that's enough self-advertising. Time to get some work done, and then spend the next few hours finding a better employer.

Ooh, Shiny.

2009-08-06T12:34:00.001+08:00

Maybe it comes down to the gadget geek in me, but I really want one of these beauties.

I Know How You Feel, Hitler

2009-07-29T13:10:00.001+08:00

Standard Of Beauty

2009-07-25T21:55:00.002+08:00

Deep down, I think everyone in the world has what could be described as their own personal "standard of beauty." A sort of baseline they use to judge what fits their concept of what is aesthetically pleasing.

Not in any deeper sense than what the senses can pick up, naturally. Skin-deep, if you will. I'm really not that different from most assuming my thoughts are accurate. There is something --- or rather, someone --- I hold up as the standard by which I judge whether or not something has a beautiful appearance.

See, I've met my fair share of beauties in my life. I confess I've never been that close to most of them, and in some cases the whole thing was just me being a cold acquaintance, but it was never one of hostility. I guess, deep down, I've always adhered to the simple philosophy I formulated late in high school: be nice to the girls and girls will be nice to you.

There is one, however, who has managed to stick in my mind. A girl of such beauty that it is, frankly, hard not to use her as a benchmark for judging the appearances of everyone and everything else.

From what I recall, she's not just physically beautiful either. I remember her being generally friendly and personable, if not quite the type to associate with just anyone. She was also very smart --- not a genius, but she had a good grasp of academics between her shoulders. She was, overall, a very nice person. Likable, even lovable. But we were never close. Which makes it rather odd for me to realize just how much she's lingering in my thoughts lately.

I haven't seen her in years, not since high school graduation. I've never heard from here either, and it is really unlikely I will ever hear from her when once considers my relatively isolationist tendencies. Yet she lingers in my mind.

Lately, her visage has been more prominently manifesting in my mind. I swear I can hear her voice every so often, saying things I heard her say years before. I can't figure out why I'm remembering her now, though. I can't think of anything that might trigger such recurring, rather prominent thoughts.

The thoughts are not romantic or intimate, either. Platonic, essentially. I'm not sure why I'm thinking of her, of finding some way to contact her, even if it means violating my own principles and signing up for some soul-sucking social network.

I must ponder this a bit, and try not to let my thinking of her distract me.

Coin Say What?

2009-07-24T16:34:00.003+08:00

So Monday is a regular working holiday. That legally means there should be an increase of about 30% in the pay for the day. Yet, we have been deprived of such by the arbitrary decision of the company lawyer.

With that in mind, how did he come to such a decision?

Damn thing came up heads. No 30%.

So, Quarter Life Crisis, Is It?

2009-07-20T15:15:00.003+08:00

A very nice piece, I think. Standing ready, and the only direction is down. Oddly, the metaphorical feeling of standing on a roof with no other way to go but straight down is familiar, and it is almost unwelcome.

Things don't feel like they used to. Work is no longer as empty. Sleep is no longer as relaxing. Games are no longer as enjoyable. Food no longer tastes as good. Pain no longer hurts as much.

Maybe I've just started to grow number as time goes on, losing touch with everything around me. May, I believe, called this a "quarter life crisis," or something along those lines. It is an interesting means of categorizing this. The feeling that you've achieved nothing, that you are never going to achieve anything, and the odd, disturbing realization that you're more mortified by the notion of succeeding than you are at the prospect of impending failure.

I suppose, in a way, I can blame this on the fact that I feel older than I should. I don't seem to have the energy or the euphoria that people my age should. This insane, almost instinctive drive to prove ourselves masters of the universe, that we --- and we alone --- have glimpsed the fine threads that bely reality's fundamental mechanisms. Yeah, I have none of that perceived invincibility and supremacy. Instead, I have a crushing acceptance of the futility of human pursuit.

About nine years ago, the original Starcraft came out. I was among the first players here to see it was a good game. In some ways, I think I even predicted it would become the hit it is today. I had long forgotten how to play it by the time it became popular. Now, Starcraft II is looming over the horizon. Unlike most, who have become excited by the prospect of the sequel hitting the markets very soon, the impending release just reminds me it has been so very, very long.

Several years older, but not several years wiser.

Every day, I wake up with just a little less energy. Just a little less desire to actually wake up. Just a little more disappointment that I actually woke up in the first place. I guess you could say I'm dying inside in a more obvious manner than usual. Or, as others I know might theorize, I am adrift and badly in need of a new direction.

Through all this, I hear the voices in my head. For the first time I can remember, I can hear them clearly.

Perhaps, just perhaps, I will listen.

Duly Noted.

2009-07-13T11:00:00.002+08:00

The new Evangelion girl, from Evangelion 2.0 or something like that. Have to hand it to Gainax. They may be milking this series for more than what it's worth, but their character designs are still pretty decent. Cute, even.

On Mortality.

2009-07-08T09:47:00.002+08:00

On average, 146,357 die every day.

It can be considered a sizable, staggering number. Until one considers that there are literally a few billion people on the planet. Living, breathing, surviving. And in the end, all those billions of drops in the overall sea of humanity have but one common trait in common. Sooner or later, we're all going to die.

Billions of people, all waiting in line for their turn to die.

I've found myself thinking about it fairly recently. I think I'm thinking about death in the usual manner that people do, assuming they think about it. That is, are they afraid of it, wondering how and when it will happen, and things they'd like to do before time runs out.

I suppose I'm like everyone else in having a list of things I'd want to do before I die, if at all possible. Just that is a long list of things that I can't do, no matter how many improbable events occur in my favor. Some of these items aren't so much things I'd want to do before impending death as they are goals, tasks I'd like to accomplish at some point. Though, I suppose, there are a few items that are the sort of thing only someone with the assurance that he's dying soon (and thus be relatively safe from the consequences) would do.

Timing doesn't seem to be much of an issue for me, either. I could probably die now and not particularly mind. I guess this comes from the grim acceptance that I'm going to die sometime, and have no say in that matter. Neither do I have any real say in when I'm going to die, so no point really bickering about that, either. Death is the great inevitable, and pondering about when the inevitable happens is kind of pointless to me. Certainly, I'd prefer it be not quite as painful as it could be, but when the end comes, I think we all have to accept it with the stoic dignity that comes with knowing you won't have another chance to be dignified.

What I'm not so sure of, though, is whether or not I actually feel anything concerning death. I'm sure I'm going to die, and I'm sure I'll have next to no control over it. But what do I feel about the fact that I, like everyone else, am mortal? Strangely, all indications point to me not really caring. Perhaps I've come to terms with death even though, statistically speaking, I'm not exactly going to keel over and die the next day. It will happen when it does and how it does, and I find it difficult to muster the will to care about it. Granted, I probably will care when its happening, but now? Not so much.

Death is inevitable, and I accept that. I don't embrace it, but I'm not going to fight it. Not that I believe in much of an afterlife, either. I'm not entirely sure what prompted me to start considering, pondering mortality and the prospect of death, but I've come to find it rather fascinating.

Is it strange, I wonder, to enjoy thinking about death, yet not entirely care about the death itself? Still, many would consider this acceptance to be an alien concept, something that goes against the natural preservation instinct of the human animal. I'm not sure why I've come to accept it, maybe even embrace the idea of dying. Perhaps I'll figure this oddity out, perhaps not.

Tempus mortis.

From Crime Library: Deborah Gardner

2009-07-01T17:36:00.002+08:00

The Case.

I occasionally browse through the Crime Library, read up on some articles and cases. It helps me put things in perspective somehow, and reminds me that the world isn't as pretty as tourist ads would like to present them to be. There are some ugly things out there, but reading through it, this one case struck me the most.

Not because it was the most heinous. Not because it was the most compelling mystery. Not because it remains unsolved -- though, technically, it does. I find it compelling because the Peace Corp and the US government let a man get away with murder, all because of the potential damage to the organization's reputation.

This is a clear and present travesty of justice, but I guess I should expect nothing less of the US. Her killer deserves to be punished, and justice needs to be done. This whole thing is just...there's no real way to describe it. I mean...all the evidence points at him, the victim even managed to mention him by name before dying, and the Peace Corp and the US government orchestrates his being allowed to get away scot-free?

If I were in charge, that man would be hanged by the neck until dead.

There is no justice in the world. None at all.

Very Impressive.

2009-07-01T09:19:00.001+08:00

The above is a cake, believe it or not. An actual cake.
These guys are amazing.

Grievances

2009-07-01T07:39:00.002+08:00

The nature of the world is such that, one way or another, someone has to complain about their job. This is natural and to be expected. No matter how nice of an employer you are or how good you are as a manager, sooner or later, someone is going to complain about something. It could be something small and insignificant, a matter that will blow over given some time and maybe a nice paycheck. Others are more genuine and concrete, and will brew for prolonged periods under the surface, simmering until some undefined point when it becomes absolutely intolerable.

This post is dedicated to one particular aspect of the daily workload, known as blog commenting/research. Basically, it requires one shift to find 40 blogs a day that fit certain parameters, while the other shift takes those lists and finds 6 of them a day to place comments on. There are other aspects of the task, but these details are not required to know.

There are, naturally, a few guidelines. First, they have to be of a specific rank. This one is easy enough, just time-consuming because of the nature of the tool used to determine it. It takes so damn long, especially if the blog has a lot of javascript or flash running. The second is that it has to be open for comments. As of now, we are hidebound to the research half of the task, and we've been getting some annoying messages about it. The worst of which would be that there can be no duplications not only within the "40 per day" but from the very start. The second is that if the blog requires registration, then there should already be one. And finally, if links do end up duplicated, we have to provide replacements.

To an extent, I understand the insistence that no duplicates be made. This is perfectly understandable, as excessive duplication of the output just speaks volumes of laziness. However, given the nature of what needs to be done, I find it completely unreasonable to expect a complete lack of duplication entirely. We cannot be expected to have a master list of our output that we can all access for comparison to the output for the day. Do you have any idea how long it would take to countercheck all 40 of them with the hundreds that get compiled onto said master list idea? It'd take all day, so unless the boss wants us to sacrifice everything else for this specific task, then expect duplicates to crop up every so often.

Then there's the issue of active accounts on the sites we seek out. This one I have two issues with. First, we got a lot of those sites when we were on the receiving end, rather than the research end. I can personally say that at least half of the ones I got required a registered account to place comments. However, while we all got it, we didn't complain. We simply skipped over them and used the ones that didn't require registration. And he wants us to not only find these sites, determine if they need registration, then confirm said registration? Does he have any inkling, any concept at all of how long that would take? Waiting for a registration to be confirmed could take days, and we already do quite a bit of registration daily -- just not of this nature.

The second issue regarding registrations is this: we skipped past them during the last rotation, why can't the night shift people? It isn't like there aren't a whole of other options available on hand in case one is unusable, and it isn't as if everything we list down actually gets used. When the blogs are sent in at 40 a day from 4 different researchers and the comments required of the other shift comes down to only 6 per day per commenter, that's a lot of leftover stuff. Even if a few require registration and need to be skipped over, there's very little chance they'd actually run out of sites on any given day.

Finally, I absolutely refuse to provide replacements for duplicates. Duplicated links will be inevitable given this task, and we already do what we reasonably can to minimize them. The whole process is time-consuming, especially given the piece of shit Internet connection (my home wireless connection is faster, honestly) and the fact that my PC seems required to crash at least twice a day at the most inopportune times.

Thinking about it, I have another issue I need to let out. Whenever I meet with the night shift people, I don't hear any complaints. We send in our required number of blogs, and if there were any problems, I figure I'd hear about it from them on those instances when I arrive before they head home. It has happened a few times, and not one complaint. So why is it that the division head seems like he's got nothing better to do than to dig through our lists and look for duplicates or other things to complain about? If the people who use the lists don't see any problem with what we provide, then why should he?

We encountered these same problems in the last rotation, when we were doing the commenting and the night shift did the research. We certainly didn't make a big deal if one or two blogs were the same, or if some of them required us to have to sign up for an account on the site. We got the ones we could use, did our jobs, and paid the rest of them no mind. We'd appreciate it if the favor was returned.

For The Empire!

2009-06-30T07:51:00.003+08:00

I will confess to a strange, sadistic fascination with crushing Soviet and Allied forces alike using the Empire of the Rising Sun. I haven't had this much laughs and fun out of an RTS in a long, long while. I can't believe it took me this long to even acquire this game.

I've always been a moderate Red Alert fan. The series is like a sci-fi B-movie spliced with a mockumentary of World War II, with a healthy splash of the Cold War thrown in. The whole thing is so over-the-top and full of stereotypes and ridiculous concepts that I can't help but find it unspeakably enjoyable. Even if the Allies win every single time. Damn Allies.

The Allies are still the most effective overall. The Soviets are still undisputed masters of the ground and pound method of offense. And the new faction, the Empire of the Rising Sun? Well, they certainly need far more micromanagement than the other factions to be put to use effectively. However, once you've gotten the hang of that down, it is a relatively easy path to victory. Expensive, but easy.

The Allies are still the dullest, most unexciting of the factions. Even with every unit having some form of hard counter to it, they're still remarkably dull to use. It's too easy to win as them. Besides, I've never liked the Allies.

The Soviets are fun to play, and their best tactics are exactly the sort of thing I'd do when I'm in no mood to think of more complicated tactics. They're very effective with the right tactics, and ridiculously fun to play no matter what.

The Empire, though, is my clear favorite. There's something very satisfying about using them, particularly their more advanced units. I particularly favor using Rocket Angels with a force of Strikers or Tsunami Tanks as back-up. Great way to wipe out an entire base if done right.

Next step: acquire the expansion, largely for the Yuriko Omega campaign and the new units.

He's Bad.

2009-06-29T19:53:00.003+08:00

One might wonder why I am doing this. There are, for me, certainly far more notable recent deaths. Farah Fawcett, for one, since I grew up watching Charlie's Angels re-runs. One cannot deny I enjoyed David Carradine's role in the Kung Fu series (both of them), even if it seemed awkward to watch him play a master of Chinese martial arts. Then there's Ed McMahon, who served as the one celebrity I will always remember as one of the most thoroughly entertaining people I've ever seen. I am also late for an obituary, which this most certainly is not.

First, let me make one thing perfectly, crystal clear: I am not a Michael Jackson fan. I listen to a few of his songs, the ones that I personally enjoy, but I am by no means a fan. I enjoy songs regardless of artist, and the so-called King of Pop definitely had some good ones.

With that in mind, I do know how to give credit where credit is due, and it is certainly due here. Wacko Jacko managed, before turning his personal life and his sanity into a farce worthy of the finest comedians of all time, to make some very good songs. In many ways, he had a couple of good ones even after acting like a crazed lunatic.

Some have great messages, others have great beats, but out of all his music, I would have to say only one is my personal choice. I think that, for anyone that likes his brand of music, there is at least one song that resonates in them. The same holds true for me. One song of his does resonate with me more than the rest. Not because it has a deeper meaning, not because it has better quality composition, but simply because I enjoy the song more.

Bad

So here is a toast to all those entertainers who died as of late. To David Carradine. To Farah Fawcett. To Ed McMahon. And yes, to Michael Jackson. I may not be a devoted fan of any of you, but if nothing else, you have my respect for your accomplishments.

Requiem et Pace.

The Last Airbender

2009-06-24T10:04:00.002+08:00

Trailer Link
The director is M. Night Shabalabadingdong. The ethnicities of the cast are all wrong. Aang has been cured of his ADHD. This adaptation will suck, like all movies done by this director.

Mark my words: this movie will suck.

With Honors

2009-06-24T08:05:00.002+08:00

Most often, I watch a movie and like it for a bit, then promptly forget about it. A lot of movies tend to be like this for me, no matter how much money they make in the box office or how highly the critics recommend it. There are, it would seem, a few movies that manage to stick in my mind, the ones that I'd not only watch, but obtain a permanent copy of in case I feel like watching it again. One such movie is With Honors.

It is, at the core, a simple movie about a college student and the homeless man who holds his thesis hostage. It is also a bit of an education on some of the facts of life that academic studies don't really mention. The movie has touches of comedy and touches of drama, and blends it all into a supple mix of a film. It is the kind of movie that you will remember because it has this resonance about it, something that strikes a chord in me.

This is a movie I'll count as one of the rare films I want to have close at hand, and can stand to re-watch without losing even the slightest bit of enjoyment. It is also oddly inspiring, and watching this and Find Forrester can often give me that little bit of mental push I need to keep at writing.

Now I leave with a quote from the movie, which itself is a quote of the great Walt Whitman:
"To drive free, to love free, to court destruction with taunts, to feed the remainder of life with one hour of fullness and freedom - one brief hour of madness and joy."

How Nostalgic

2009-06-21T09:08:00.002+08:00

I've noticed something.

For several weeks now, I've been torrenting a lot of old TV shows and cartoons. Stuff I grew up with, stuff that probably had a hand in shaping my tastes and preferences in entertainment. I occasionally think I had a fairly typical childhood in most respects, but I firmly believe the sorts of things that I watched as a kid were far from typical.

Take, for example, Beverly Hills 90210. As weird as countless people seem to think it is, I grew up watching that show. I love that show, actually. It is one of those things that really helped me figure quite a few things out, not to mention served as a very strange sort of adviser in many areas.

Watching it again has brought back quite a few pleasant memories. Then again, I think anyone that re-watches something they grew up with would feel good about it. Interestingly, the show is still as interesting for me now as it was for me back then, despite some of the episodes falling a little flat in terms of their premise. Overall, it still is a very good show, and one that helps me sort out my thoughts on various matters.

Perhaps strangely, I think I can attribute a lot of my personality to the show. Every so often, I see a bit of my own personality being reflected in some of the characters. I can't quite tell if this is because I picked up those traits from the show, or if the show just does this coincidentally. I am oddly certain a lot of my views and perceptions on relationships -- and a lot of the advice I dole out when asked about such -- tends to not come from 90210, though I have yet to identify the source.

Then again, it isn't just the old 90210 that I'm looking into. I've found myself grabbing copies of the original seasons of Transformers, from before the animated movie (and certainly before the atrocity that is the Michael Bay version), G.I. Joe (in preparation for the coming movie, which looks to be awesome), and possibly even the animated Batman cartoon.

I'm slightly tempted to try and find a copy of the Adam West Batman TV show, but something tells me I'm better off not revisiting that part of my childhood.

I blame my Internet connection.

And my sanctimonious son of a bitch boss, who still holds to the non-sensical policy of keeping our USB ports non-functional. The dimwit.

Cherry Blossoms

2009-06-09T08:51:00.004+08:00

Despite the prolonged hiatus from writing and the inevitable death of my creative ability due to the fact that my job sucks, I think its about time I got back into the grand old game. For far too long, I've let my focus on getting work quotas done get in the way of what writer is really supposed to be doing.

I have an outline ready, and I know I can flesh it out. Time to get back into the game, time to do some real writing, and not the garbage I have to "write" for work. I'm a writer, so I need to actually do some writing again, right? Besides, I kind of miss the tingling mental sensation of fleshing out a scene that previously only existed in my mind.

With any luck, "Cherry Blossoms" will just be the tip of the iceberg and I can use it as a stepping stone to writing more stories. I've abandoned the game long enough.

The Fall Of The USBastille

2009-05-26T08:09:00.003+08:00

I'm going to make this post's point very simple: I want my USB ports back, you sanctimonious son of a bitch.

I can (and have) put up with a lot of junk, a lot of shit, and a lot of stupidity in the name of a steady flow of cash. My patience is surprisingly long in this regard, and I have been quite patient so far. After all, there are few things in this world that I value more than a steady income, so in the name of that, I am willing to deal with a lot.

I put up with the arbitrary reasons given for virtually any policy that gets set or changes in the workload that occur. It isn't so much that I mind the changes or the policies, really. I found the bullshit reasons that came attached to them to be annoying, and occasionally insulting to my intelligence.

I will put up with ridiculous policies on sleeping or having any sort of enjoyment in the office. Let's face it, those policies are stupid and nobody is really going to follow through on them if the one who made them up isn't around. We will pay lip service to your insipid attempts at establishing control but don't expect us to buy into it because you say so.

I will put up with them putting privacy-invading software that allows them to see the things I do on my work PC. I understand the rationale behind putting it there. That doesn't mean I don't take offense to the fact that it is invasive of my privacy and quite insulting.

I will even put up with the fact that I believe every last employee of this company to be grossly, grossly underpaid. I mean, for all the work we do, we could be making a lot more than we currently are. I suspect the only real reason we stick around here is that, on some level, we enjoy each other's company. And the free Internet.

I will even put up with the incessant whining I hear from practically everyone else each time a site like Friendster or Multiply gets blocked. I never liked social networking anyway; think its stupid, really. The constant whining when something of that sort gets blocked is just so incredibly repetitive and annoying.

I even manage to put up with the fact that the Internet connection the office runs on is god-awful, to the point that a week doesn't go by without it breaking down completely. Let's face it, folks: it happens a lot. And there's likely quite a grain of truth to the joke that this is because the boss is too cheap to pay for a better connection.

I also put up with the noise. Gods help me, the noise of the night shift people as they're about to leave is grating. Not a day of this passes by without me forcing down the urge to grab a throat and throttle it until I hear that satisfactory sound of a death rattle. These people seem to never shut up, but no matter how tempting it is to silence them myself, I keep calm and not make a move.

But blocking USB ports? That I'm taking very personally.

See, I'm lazy. I like to spend half my time in the office sitting in front of the computer and doing things with no relation at all to work. Browsing Deviantart or Photobucket for pics to add to my expanding collection, for example. Sometimes I just type in some random topic I'm interested in and let Google take over from there. Other times, I just want to sit back, go into a forum and browse. But mostly, I like searching for pictures.

Pretty pictures of scenes, characters, backgrounds, and whatnot. I like taking them home. I like the thrill of seeking a specific picture, spending an hour or so finding it, and plugging in a USB drive so I can take it home and add it to my compilation of similar pictures. This is pretty much the only thing I bother coming to work for anymore, and my actually getting my work done ahead of time is a side-effect of it. Without that...well, work becomes rather pointless until I remind myself of the meager cash flow it earns me, doesn't it? Financial motivators only work for so long without something to support them.

I'm a digital packrat. I like to make redundant copies of my files. I like having at least two copies of any given file on two separate computers, making sure that in the event one fails, I can effectively restore things without too much trouble. In theory, there are a few back-ups in place for work.

This is fine and dandy if either one was actually capable of exhibiting some degree of consistent reliability. One back-up archive is useless since it is accessible only via the Internet and only within the office itself. I don't think you can even retrieve files from this archive. The other is crash-happy, especially whenever the electricity fluctuates or dies out. Plus, there doesn't appear to be any real way to get files stored there back - not without it being altered somehow, if things I've overheard from the voice loggers are any indication.

This leaves me with the option of simply dumping files into my USB drive and taking them home as back-up. Now this is no longer an option. Frankly, I'm not about to rely on two unreliable back-up archives when a better option is staring me in the face but can't be used because of some bullshit arbitrary decision.

I've taken a lot of crap over my time in this job. I've more or less put up with it. I've not once deliberately attempted to be insulting or confrontational of the boss' policies in any degree, no matter how much I disagreed with what's been laid down. But this?

Viva La Revolución.

So I'm Single

2009-05-18T11:30:00.002+08:00

I'm single and, unlike many others in this situation, I don't pay much heed to that fact. I've never felt the need or the desire to attach myself romantically and emotionally to a girl in a manner that can be described as being said girl's boyfriend. Not that I'm disinterested in girls, mind you. Merely not interested or motivated enough to actively seek one out. This is of no real consequence to me, and proves to be no real hindrance to most of my interests. Still, once in a while, somebody - exactly who asks it varies, but sooner or later, someone will - asks that annoying little question.

"When are you going to get a girlfriend?"

I usually don't mind, and would regularly offer a flippant, uncaring response. I'd cite things like time or money more often than not, as having a girlfriend would require both and they are resources I have no interest in squandering on anyone but myself at the moment. Frankly, I barely make enough to do that as is. See, a girlfriend is really a luxury I can't afford. And yes, that's essentially what having a girlfriend is, when you boil it down to the most basic terms: a luxury.

I don't need one to keep going on with my life, now do I? I don't see having one as being a necessity for any aspect of my life as it is now. Having one right now has a low chance of adding anything to it, really. Other than just another way for me to alleviate my boredom for a brief moment, or someone to talk to to take my mind off work and, thus, delay my finishing my daily tasks. I think I have enough of those already, thank you very much.

Under most circumstances, it doesn't really annoy me when people ask why I'm still single. Under most circumstances. There are times when I find it annoying beyond all sense when they ask, though. Usually when the one asking is someone that has asked it consistently and should already know what the answer is.

The honest truth is that I'm quite fine in being single, and have no interest in undertaking a course of action that would make me otherwise. My mind is a mess and my life is far from ideal, and adding a girlfriend into the mix will only further complicate matters. Besides, I'm happy as things are now, with me having time for my projects and interests, as opposed to having to keep my thoughts occupied by thinking of someone else.

I'm single and, contrary to how people seem to think, I don't feel the need to go looking. Nor do I feel sad that I'm not attached. So honestly, I'd appreciate it if people stopped asking me if I want to meet this friend of theirs or if they want the number of this cute, single girl they know. It can get frustrating. Mind you, I'd like the numbers of cute single girls, but not for the purposes of pursuing them. I'm odd that way.

2009-05-12T09:42:00.001+08:00

In the words of Moto Chagatai:
Who will stop me?

TDK

2009-05-11T08:25:00.003+08:00

The Dark Knight Returns

I don't usually keep up with comics. Too expensive to keep buying issues and update my knowledge of the twisted plots and storylines. The best I can do as a fan of certain characters is to just read wiki entries and try to get the gist of what's currently going on. Still, once in a while, when they come out with compilations or (better yet) graphic novels, I do what I can to grab a copy. Among the finest I've ever read is this: The Dark Knight Returns.

It has a Batman coming out of retirement, looking as if he's pushing 60, because the Bat in Bruce Wayne won't give up the fight. The book hits hard, as we see the effects of age and time finally catching up with the Bat. He's not as young, as strong, or as fast. But ultimately, he is still the Batman. It doesn't feature his whole rogues' gallery, but it does feature prominent names in it. Including, rightfully so, the Joker. The confrontations do not disappoint, though it'd spoil things to say who he faces.

I also liked how Frank Miller added in commentary and analysis on the Batman. On how he might be the cause of the very crimes he punishes. On the fact that he became a criminal to stop criminals, and understands that. On the fact that there will always be people who think he's a menace, even as there are those that support him. It even touches upon something that most comic books don't, and that's somewhere, deep inside the popular consciousness, the common people they save are the most terrified of superheroes. A line from the comic says it best:

"We must not remind them that gods walks the earth."

This is one of Frank Miller's finest works, and is arguably the best rendition of the Batman ever made in any medium. It also ushered in the modern portrayal of the Batman as a grim, obsessive force of justice in the shadows. The force of vengeance and justice. A hunter.

It repairs the damage done by the campy portrayal of Adam West and perhaps reminded fans and artists alike of how the Batman should be portrayed. Not as a joke, and not as someone openly cooperating with the police and the authority, like Superman. Batman is a figure that borders on urban legend, a nightmarish enforcer that Jim Gordon has to bend laws and break rules to accommodate, simply because he gets the job done when law enforcement's hands are tied.

This is definitely worth the read. Batman at his dark, brutal best.

Boredom.

2009-05-06T15:29:00.003+08:00

Boredom, folks. It has become my regular state of mind. So enjoy this pic of Akiyama Mio, from the anime K-ON!. More likely than not, I will end up writing about that show sooner or later.

I Am Not Pleased

2009-04-30T15:51:00.002+08:00

I enjoy my holidays now more than I ever did as a student. They represent a chance to break away from the "work, work, work, work, die" mindset that being an employee can put you in. The monotony, the occasional burst of idiocy, and various other things just make the life of an employee that much more...tiring. No matter how much you love what you do. So yeah, I kind of look forward to being able to relax and stay at home, even on a day that isn't a weekend. It is, ultimately, one of the few things left in life that make actually showing up for a job that rots the brain worth the effort day in and day out. Yes, it is a very odd mentality, but it works.

So, tomorrow is a holiday. Theoretically, that means no work. However, being that I am working for a US-based company with an odd situation, which holidays are honored are handled differently. Local holidays are largely ignored since the US does not observe a whole host of them. This is understandable, and I got used to it from my days in call centers. Due to the nature of the company, US holidays aren't honored either, because our workload is not tied to them directly. It is confusing and I don't feel like getting into the specifics of it.

Thing is, for a while now, the division I'm in has been tied to another division as a sort of support unit. Think of us as being kind of like an auxiliary force in the military. This is all well and good, and it has never really come into play. It does, however, put in a procedure for how to handle whether or not we have to show up for work on a holiday. A legally acknowledged one, anyway. Prior to holidays, we basically ask the other division's head to see if our division needs to show up or not, or if only a certain number of us need to be there. This is fine, and perfectly acceptable and reasonable.

However, something's come up. See, tomorrow is a holiday. Original word from the other division head is that my division does not need to show up. We're a support unit, but they don't see the need to have us constantly be around, and from what I'm told, only a skeleton presence of the other division is coming in tomorrow. So far, so good, right? Then along comes a monkey wrench.

See, the boss of the place decides that one of us has to be present, even if the division we're designated to be supporting says that we aren't required to show up tomorrow. I see two problems with this, with a third lying in the back, just out of my peripheral vision.

First, it goes completely against what has already been established as how things work, and it undermines the other division head's authority. She's given the decision on whether or not we need to show up, and it is her call if our support is needed on a given holiday or not. Why place that kind of authority in her hands if her decisions on the matter don't actually carry any weight? This brings me to my second problem.

If he can undermine the division head's authority and basically require at least one writer to remain, then why bother have us asking the other division if we need to show up or not? Why not just outright say so, in clear and simple language, that one of us needs to show up on a holiday where we should not be showing up and instead be doing things that normal people do when on a holiday? There's no point in the established procedure if it has no actual bearing on how things work, is there?

And don't give me the "this is how things have always been" bullshit, because I remember it isn't. The last holiday, there was no undermining. We asked if we needed to show up, and were told that we didn't need to. No further questions, no "Word of GOD" telling us that "it has always been procedure for at least one writer to remain." That bit of protocol has never really been established as protocol, and has not been invoked in a relevant situation...ever. So no, you don't get to use the excuse that it's how things work. Then again, that hasn't stopped the higher-ups from doing it before, so I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised they're doing it now.

Finally, it is a thrice-damned legal holiday. By all rights, none of us should be showing up for work tomorrow. Not one of us. From any division. At the worst, showing up for work should be entirely optional, with double pay mandatory for those who show up. We should not be required to come to the office on a day that is legally mandated to be a "no work" day.

So yeah, I'm not happy about this. Not in the least. Then again, arguably, a good chunk of me has not been happy with this job for a long, long time now. But I'll show up tomorrow. Sure. I'll come in, act like nothing's wrong, and do what I do day in and day out, suffering the endless monotony of corporate employment.

One of these days...

Yowza.

2009-04-25T11:22:00.001+08:00

That is one impressive sand castle.

A List

2009-04-20T16:27:00.002+08:00

I believe I've pointed out before how ridiculous it was to make an "All-time" list. Largely because things change, tastes change, and something is only the best until the next "best" comes along. Still, that doesn't mean one can't make a lost that applies to the current time. With that in mind, I began to ponder. Seeing as how I don't think I've ever written about my Top Ten Anime before, I might as well do so now. If only to make comparisons to the contents of the list the next time I write one.

10. Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei
A depressed teacher with a tendency to cry out "I'M IN DESPAIR" for ridiculous reasons and a class of very, very strange students. Funny, particularly if you get all the references. Though the newest material feels a touch stale.

9. Higurashi No Naku Koro Ni
This is one of those shows that words will fail to adequately explain due to the sheer mind-boggling nature of the thing. However, I will say this: it is a show that needs to be watched from start to finish to fully understand the story and its meaning.

8. School Days
I have said a lot about School Days. It is worth watching if you just sit back and take it as it is, rather than trying to find some sort of deeper meaning to it all.

7. Candy Boy
Cute. Just too damn cute.

6. Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight!
Two words: Forward GO!

5. Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu
Girl who may be a god? Check. Crazy girl? Check. Odd but surprisingly good combination of philosophy, theoretical temporal physics, comedy, and pure anime insanity? Check.

4. Hidamari Sketch
What can I say about this series that I haven't said before? The show is just wonderfully relaxing, and has a nice does of heart-warming moments as well.

3. Toradora!
The single, best example of romantic comedy in anime that I can think of, with one of the strongest cast of characters I've seen in the genre, if not in the whole industry. Definitely worth the time it takes to watch, even if you're only in it for Ami-chan and Minorin.

2. Cardcaptor Sakura
The single, finest example of the Magical Girl genre out there, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Sakura is the original good girl of anime, and is among the most enduringly lovable characters ever created. Warning: avoid the dub at all costs.

1. Maria-sama Ga Miteru
Drama. A wonderful cast. A near-perfect, idyllic setting. Characters that you can feel for, relate to, and sympathize with. Yes, I am well aware this is a girl's show, but that doesn't mean I can't enjoy it.

Completed

2009-04-18T19:35:00.005+08:00

So I'm done with Toradora! and here are my thoughts on the whole thing.

The Show Itself: It is, in many ways, typical of the harem genre, wherein all the females show interest in one shape or form for the lead male. There are some nice touches that help make it different, but the whole thing is structured to adhere to the principles of harem anime plots. However, it is a strong, cohesive, believable, and fun plot.

It manages to avoid the most common pitfalls of the harem genre by providing a lot of growth and personality to the girls, rather than only focusing on the lead female. The amount and the quality of growth is also very impressive, with all the females and event he male lead being given good opportunities to evolve as people, and giving the viewers insight into who they are and what makes them tick.

Overall, this is probably one of the best anime of 2009, and arguably one of the best examples of the genre. It is also one of the better novel-to-anime conversions out there.

The Domesticated Dragon, Takasu Ryuuji: As previously stated, Ryuuji is not a loser. He is not a moron. He is not a delinquent jerk. He is, for most purposes, perfectly normal. Sure, he is good at housework and eerily obsessed with cleaning things, but they add quirks that are both entertaining and set him just a little bit apart from the completely average, faceless, nameless Joe Schmoe. He's likable enough, but he'd be otherwise dull without the rest of the cast.

The Palmtop Tiger, Aisaka Taiga: Ah, Taiga. I will be honest here and admit I despise the character archetype Taiga is modeled on. I can't stand them. However, there are rare exceptions, and Taiga is one of them. For a while, she seemed like the typical annoying tsundere. However, she doesn't so much grow out of it as she does make you realize that she's more than just abuse and occasional moments of warmth. She's a deep character, with troubles, motivations, and yes, even a healthy dose of likability.

The Shining Sun, Kushieda Minori: Ah, what can I say about Minorin (that's her nickname, folks)? She's bright, she's cheerful, she's energetic, she's happy, and she's fun. She's got enough weirdness and airheadedness to entertain, but also has an interesting level of awareness and perceptiveness that can truly surprise you. She's not the moron she may seem to be, nor is she the girl who acts strong and happy to hide some horrible scarring. With Minorin, the shining sun is really the shining sun, and isn't a cover for anything else. Minorin is also a good friend and someone who genuinely cares about those important to her, though explaining that would probably spoil a good chunk of some of the later episodes' most dramatic moments.

Incidentally, Minorin is also one of the most fluid, invigorating elements of the show. Her antics, her songs, her energy are...infectious. Plus, when she finally admits her feelings for Ryuuji...the whole scene, the music, the running, Minorin herself...it just comes together rather beautifully, because you know that even as she pours her heart out, she's making the biggest sacrifice out of those involved, possibly the biggest one in the whole show.

Minorin is easily one of the best reasons to watch the show.

The Spider, Kawashima Ami: Ami is...complex. That much is certain. She can be quite childish at times. She's definitely capable of being coy, teasing, and playful. She's also surprisingly mature in some respects, being able to understand and see certain things that others don't catch on to. She easily figures out early on what Minori's feelings are, and perhaps even sees clues as to what Taiga really feels, as opposed to what Taiga thinks she feels.

Ami is a genuine, true character, but that doesn't mean she doesn't play a role in the plot. She's a well-rounded human being, and a lot of her meddling, poking, and prodding gets a lot of people worked up and, consequently, gets some things rolling in the storyline. Ami ultimately pushes the plot forward because the others can't; without her, the story would be trapped in a mire of boredom and inaction. On top of that, Ami is also an incredible friend, despite her tendency to be a complete and total bitch. That, and nobody but Minorin seems to ever listen to her advice. Even that was only near the end.

All in all, Ami is my biggest reason for watching the show, and one of the biggest reasons to love it.

Ami-chan and Minorin: (Pictured above) I think this bears special mention. The last few episodes seem to dance around the friendship between these two, and how they rapidly become closer to one another because of certain events near the end. I think it wouldn't be too much to ask for a short OVA or something on the friendship between the two. The closeness and comfort that they seem to be in around each other is startling, particularly because Ami has never shown that kind of ease around anyone but Ryuuji, and Minori seems to only be comfortable enough to cry in Ami's presence, not even in her best friend Taiga's. There's a story to be told there, I think.

The Good:
A well-done harem show, easily one of the finest.
Minori's confession scene is just...I can't describe it.
Ami-chan! Oh, Ami-chan, where would Toradora! be without you?
Very beautiful, very real drama.
Perhaps the best-written tsundere I've ever seen since Tohsaka Rin, from Fate/Stay Night.

The Bad:
Show can be a bit dull without Ami or Minori in the early episodes.
Taiga's voice can be just a tiny bit annoying.
It feels like some material was cut to fit it all into the 25-episode limit.
I find it odd that, despite Ryuuji and Taiga being the lead characters, it is the other character's confessions of their feelings that are more moving.
Expanding on the previous point, Ryuuji and Taiga can only be watched for so long before it gets real old, real fast.

I think that's all. So here's to Toradora!, perhaps one of the finest anime of last year.

P.S.
I need more Ami-chan.

Toradora!

2009-04-16T11:53:00.002+08:00

I usually don't write about an anime I'm in the middle of watching, but this show is just too good to pass up. Even if it is of the harem genre.

Any sane anime fan will likely know about the harem genre. For those who need a crash course, I will be happy to provide. The harem genre is based on an age-old formula believed to have been initially established by the Tenchi Muyo franchise. The premise behind each show in the genre varies, but the core is thus: male lead, usually a hapless loser, finds himself in a situation where a female lead has his attention, and said female lead may have feelings for him already or may develop them as time goes on. To complicate matters, the show throws in monkey wrenches in the form of rivals. These rivals invariably end up being female, attractive, and interested in the male lead. As with all anime genres, there are certain archetypes and staples that are to be expected.

Examples of this genre include:
Love Hina
Midori Days
Hand Maid May

Toradora!, by initial design and appearance, is no different from a few thousand others of this genre. But there are some differences.

The male lead, Ryuuji, is not a complete jerk, nor is he a loser. In fact, he's very much the male equivalent of a housewife. Dependable, reliable, responsible, and generally a nice human being. However, he looks like a delinquent (by virtue of his father's looks), and many of his fellow students treat him as such.

Another key difference I've spotted so far is that the show is, minus a few things like one of the girls being a model on sabbatical, rather more realistic than I'd expected. There's no reaction or emotion displayed that, in context, would not have been impossible to see in the real world. In fact, a lot of the character's interactions, motivations, and actions aren't that far-fetched, and would likely be observable in a real high school setting.

It isn't just what makes Toradora! different from others of its genre that catches my eye, though. Like many shows of this genre, I am not too fond of the female lead. In this case, the so-called "Palmtop Tiger." She is, actually, the one character in the show I honestly dislike. That she's the female lead should just make it harder for me to watch the show, if I bother with it at all.

However, that's not the case.

The other two females, you see, are much, much more likable. Lovable, even.

The first one, Kushieda Minori, is what one might describe as odd. She's energetic, tends to sing baseball songs to herself, and seems just a tiny bit out there. However, pretty early on, we get to see a facet of her that's very human. It seems that she is, like any human being, afraid of things, and perhaps even insecure about some stuff. She also seems to sing baseball songs and do all manner of odd part-time jobs to brush away that fear. Seeing as how I've not finished the show yet, I can only assume that is the case. Still, Minori is a likable, lively figure. The slightly nusty friend you hang out with and genuinely enjoy having around.

The other one, the one I consider the real gem of the show, is Kawashima Ami. Ami is a model on sabbatical, for reasons that I will not divulge. It's a fun event I won't want to spoil. Ami is...well, to go into detail about what Ami is like is to spoil half the fun of watching her in the show. Suffice it to say that, out of all the girls in Toradora! and most of the girls I've seen in this genre of anime, Ami is perhaps the most cunning and the most...human.

I'll write in more detail the more I watch this show.

For now, I must continue watching each episode twice. Once to watch it, and the second time to make pretty screencaps to add to my expanding collection of pictures. Because if I don't...

So yeah, gogo Mistress Ami.

Kawashima Ami

2009-04-15T15:12:00.002+08:00

Minorin (the redhead) got me watching Toradora!. Ami got me to see it through to the end.

A Thought.

2009-04-10T16:32:00.002+08:00

This is the cross.

A thought occurred to me. Would the Christian messiah figure, Jesus Christ, really want to see the cross - you know, that thing that he got crucified and died on - all over the place in that supposed "Second Coming?"

I'm not religious, mind you, but it does bear some thought. Would you want to see the instrument of your death when you come back to life?

And that is about as close to actual devotion as you'll ever get out of me, as I think all religions are equal: they're all bullcrap.

Epic

2009-04-07T08:48:00.003+08:00

Maybe it is the science fiction and science fantasy fan in me, but this is just So. Damn. Cool.

And yes, the picture is real.

Well, Isn't That Just Stupid

2009-03-28T11:42:00.002+08:00

I have come to accept that, no matter how good the office, there will always be some degree of complete, inexplicable stupidity in it. This is not something I'd really contest or argue against, because it seems to be simple fact. I generally try to just brush it off and live with it, but there are times when this is impossible.

This is one such time.

In my current workplace, there is a rather odd policy regarding absences, quota, and the people who actually show up for work. See, they ask us to fulfill a daily quota of various tasks. This is not a problem, in general. This is, actually, rather typical and nothing to really complain or write home about. The problem arises when one of the writers decides to be absent without having filed for vacation leave or expressing intent to file for a sick day.

Then the writers in charge (one of them me) have to do half said absentee writer's quota.

Wait, what?

So let me get this straight. I have to not only do my work for the day, but I also have to pick up the slack for someone who didn't even have the common decency to show up for work? I'm the one that shows up in the office, yet I get the smelly end of the stick in this deal?

Why do I have to do more work just because someone didn't have the responsibility to show up for work? Why do I have to get saddles with extra load without extra pay whenever someone's not around? Why are the ones who bother going to work on a reliable basis the ones who get punished whenever someone else decides to not show up, for one reason or another?

The truth is, I think this policy about me (and one other) having to pick up the quota (even if partial) of missing writers is patently stupid. It not only fails to punish people for not showing up for work, it manages to quite handily punish the ones that do show up for work.

I refuse to submit to such idiocy. I am not going to take the punishment for someone else's screw-ups. I'm perfectly fine taking the punishment for my own mistakes because I'm stupid enough to get caught. But other people? Not on your life.

Adjusting To New Surroundings

2009-03-19T20:36:00.002+08:00

I...am a creature that does not particularly like change. So all the recent changes are rather unnerving to me. New office and new home, largely. This has all been a bit of an adjustment, and frankly, I'm not too fond of having to change so much in so short a time span. Still, persistence manages somehow.

So, what's the new home like? Well, it is quite different, that's for sure. The place has another floor to it, but it is also much smaller in terms of sheer leg room. How much smaller? More than 75% of the floor area of my new room is occupied by my bed. That is a very small room. I suppose that isn't so bad, all things considered.

Lots of things to acclimate to, lots of things to allow to sink into my mind. And, naturally, lots of angles, loopholes, and exploits that I have to discover along the way. Not to mention appropriate adjustments to my previous patterns. Honestly, I look forward to no longer having to wake up early on the weekends just to get Internet access before my brother hogs it all for himself, the greedy little bastard spawn.

I really ought to tell what I know of the story that led up to me having to move to a new house, and I intend to do that sooner or later. Probably sooner. Until then, I guess I just need to make the right adjustments.

Otherwise, I may end up sane. Bad, bad thing.

Thank The Gods For HidaSketch

2009-03-08T12:32:00.004+08:00

So. Moving day is approaching.

Quite frankly, I cannot begin to explain how frustrating it is. Over the years, me and the rest of my family have managed to compile an...incredibly vast amount of stuff that I cannot satisfactorily explain, get rid of, or even contemplate. It isn't so much the amount of work it takes to move a couple of decades' worth of stuff and more along the lines the stress of figuring out how to fit all that stuff into the new place. Oh, and how we managed to accumulate that stuff in the first place.

Then there's the typical frustrations and stresses of just moving from one house to another within such a small time frame. A lot of things have to be taken note of, adjusted, understood, and such. Everything that can fit or found a place for stays, and what doesn't (that's a lot of stuff) is tossed out. Frankly, I find it harder to part with some of the junk I've acquired over the years than I do with people I know. Yes, I know how strange that is.

Combine this with the usual stress and pressure of work - something that has finally decided to wear down on me more than usual - and I'm desperately in need of something to just take my mind off things. For such things, I turn to anime, but what?

It couldn't be Maria-sama Ga Miteru. The show was drama, lots and lots of character drama. I follow it religiously and thoroughly enjoy it, but it isn't the kind of thing I'd want to spend a lazy hour or two watching and relaxing to put my multitude of concerns away. So I picked up Hidamari Sketch.

Surprisingly, while the show has even less things happening than the aforementioned Marimite, it is quite entertaining. There's no real drama or plot. Just...the relatively calm, soothing world of an exclusive private school and the lives of four students who live in a small apartment right across it.

Yeah, not the most exciting concept in the world, but the vibrant personalities and relaxation factor make up for it. HidaSketch is one of those shows that just makes you forget all your troubles without getting you caught up in the cast's concerns and issues. While I'd be loathe to say it is better than Marimite, I think HidaSketch has a different appeal.

The relaxing nature of this show is what I need to just forget about real life for a while, and Marimite is what I need to watch if I ever feel the need to stimulate myself emotionally. Two different shows, two different effects, but I can't help but love them both with the fervor of a fanboy.

Besides, aren't Sae and her little sister Chika just adorable?

On a related note:
I really should buy actual DVDs for Marimite and HidaSketch. It makes it so much easier to lend them out to people who show interest in watching the good anime that never gets a local dub. Let's face it, a large percentage of what is shown here is crap.

A Sucker For Drama

2009-03-03T10:39:00.002+08:00

I can't help myself. I'm a sucker for shows with drama, even if the plot is barely existent.

And there's no better source of drama than Marimite.

I realize it is...unusual. This is, for all intents and purposes, a girl's show. The cast is all female, it doesn't play up on flashing skin or skimpy outfits, and focuses entirely on their mundane, everyday lives and interactions. In other words, the show is essentially boring in concept. Yet, in execution, the show is nothing short of heart-warming and wonderful.

By all rights, I should find the themes and conflicts in the story to be dull. It is really little more than teenagers having the problems that teenagers usually have with each other. Misconceptions, misunderstood motives, personal problems, and other things. There's nothing about what happens that's at all special. Yet, clearly, this show has me hooked rather badly.

There's just...something about this show that I can't describe. Maybe it has to do with the lovely interpersonal drama, or how good the show is at getting you to actually care about the characters. I can't say. All I know is, 9 episodes into the 4th season and I'm still hooked and hoping there's more.

I need to see more.

Untitled

2009-02-20T14:45:00.004+08:00

Most people have this stark, unwelcome feeling in the pit of their guts when they realize people don't like them. I don't, but that's mainly because I assume people don't like me from the get-go. This is exactly how I handle things everywhere I go, and frankly, it works wonderfully for me. The people I work with can dislike me and talk about me behind my back all they want; I simply don't care. Don't have the time or inclination to.

So, really, me finding out people don't like me doesn't surprise me one bit. I take as a...reaffirmation of my belief that, in the end, nobody really likes the people around them, and we're all ultimately alone. Cynical, I know, but it works.

Now, enjoy the lovely artwork of Yoritomo Yashinko, from the Legend of the Five Rings CCG.

Blood.

2009-02-14T08:18:00.000+08:00

I hate Valentine's Day, but rather than my yearly complaining about it, I'll just post this picture instead:

You just have to love a girl covered in someone else's blood.

Where Does It All Go?

2009-02-05T09:13:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, I just wonder if I've got awful luck, or have some sort of poverty god living in my wallet. Or following me around.

For many years now, I have been observing a most disconcerting anomaly in my own house. Items disappearing when left alone for a short while would not be entirely unusual in any home, and I think it just tends to happen. People forget things or misplace things, or other people move things and forget to return them. However, when items in my home disappear, it is a touch different.

They don't come back.

Small items seem to just disappear and never be seen again, even if you look at every nook and cranny of the place. Things just...disappear, and there's no real way to tell where they went or what happened to them. For the most part, nothing important has disappeared in this manner. Flash drives, memory cards, and the like tend not to disappear, thankfully. But everything else, from nail cutters to DVDs, are fair game. Even money.

It's that last one I'm really getting tired of.

You see, I like to keep my money in the small pockets of my wallet. Not the place where you usually put bills, but in those small pockets where people keep pictures or credit cards. It makes it easier for me to make sure that none of them fall out as I pull out a bill, seeing as how it'd be hard to miss it since it'd be right in front of me. Plus, I never pile together more than three bills in the same pocket.

So I can essentially go home not worrying about losing the money in my wallet, which is all well and good. Still, paranoid creature that I am, I take a look at the contents of my wallet before I hit the sack. Just to make sure, you know? Theoretically, nothing should happen. The amounts contained in it should not change. So how come every so often (and particularly often lately), I wake up to find that most of it is gone? 500 changes to 200, 300 to 100, and so on. The amounts vary, and sometimes the time between one disappearance to another varies. The money just...is gone.

No, I didn't spend it and not remember. If nothing else, I can keep careful track of how much I spend, even if I have no idea what I spent most of it on. I keep my wallet in my bag on the commute, and to get to where it is, whoever is after it would basically have to stick their hand very close to my stomach - no way I'd miss that.

So where does my money go overnight? It can't be stolen, since a sensible thief would just take every last bit of it. It isn't my younger brother "taking" it, because I wake up earlier than he does and during those hours after work before I head to bed, I keep my wallet in sight.

I find it very disturbing and annoying that it has started to happen more and more lately. I will actually be glad to move out of there in two months (roughly) time, as it means I'll be out of The House That Devours My Stuff. That is, unless I really do have a poverty god or something following me around. In which case, changing houses won't mean diddly-squat. Ugh.

The above is Seo Yoo Jin. Isn't she pretty?

Get To Work, Goddamnit!

2009-01-29T12:10:00.002+08:00

I am lazy, there is no disputing that. However, despite that, I try to actually get my work done and, for all intents and purposes, I am actually in the office, trying to get my work done. This isn't always the best approach to work but it does mean I am there when needed, and I am able to get to work whenever I have to. Combine that with the fact that I usually finish my work early and I figure I'm a half-decent employee, a functional component of the corporate machine.

However, the same cannot be said of one of my co-workers.

I've come to learn to adjust to how my co-workers are. For the most part, I don't mind some of their stranger habits, in the same way that they don't mind mine. In other words, we've found a way to get along with one another by enduring the things we don't like, and playing off of the things we like about each other. This is, of course, including those little things that make their way into every relationship, regardless of nature. Those little conflicts and minor instances, and the way that some people just won't tell another person they don't like them to their face.

However, like any system, there will always be one problem component. Oddly, in this case, the problem component is not me.

There's this one writer, you see. He tends to just get up and disappear for random spans of time no less than 30 minutes. For the most part, many of us don't notice him leave, and we generally don't notice him come back. Sometimes he'll leave for lunchbreak and not come back until hours afterwards, with no explanation of why it took him so long or where he went after he ate. This wouldn't be so bad if it happened only occasionally, but it happens on a daily basis. You can probably imagine this gets...frustrating after a while.

For the most part, though, I ignored it. He was managing to complete his work, even if it did take significantly longer than it should have. After all, at least he seems to know he has no right to complain about the lack of time to do the work since he's only in the office...what? Half the time or something?

But this morning was...well, it was what one might consider the last straw. He's here before I get to work, which is not unusual. At some point, he leaves. Nobody seems to have noticed this happen. He leaves no word of where he's going or what he's doing. He's gone until about half an hour before lunch. He just comes in and sits down as if he just took a short trip to the bathroom to wash his hands or something. He was gone for...about 3 to 4 hours, damnit. And up until literally just a few seconds ago, he was gone again.

At first, it was weird. After a while, I figured I could just ignore it. A bit more, and I started wondering just where in the fucking Nine Hells this guy goes. Then I got frustrated, because he keeps coming and going like he owns the place and never seems to get anything done on time whenever he does. And now? Now I'm just god-fucking annoyed by it.

I know we've all got other stuff to take care of, but would it kill you to spend most of your work hours at your actual workplace?

Goddamnit, man! You were hired to work for a set number of hours (or be in the office, at the very least), so have the decency to actually be there.

Study Starcraft For College

2009-01-23T10:30:00.003+08:00

No, really.

Course Description:
UC Berkeley students with an interest in real-time strategy games and the competitive gaming landscape are encouraged to participate in this class.
This course will go in-depth in the theory of how war is conducted within the confines of the game Starcraft. There will be lecture on various aspects of the game, from the viewpoint of pure theory to the more computational aspects of how exactly battles are conducted. Calculus and Differential Equations are highly recommended for full understanding of the course. Furthermore, the class will take the theoretical into the practical world by analyzing games and replays to reinforce decision-making skills and advanced Starcraft theory.
Class will start with lecture and usually include a special discussion topic having to do with the day’s lecture to inspire new and original thought. At the end of lecture, there may be time to analyze student-submitted replays to illustrate a point or to improve analysis. Homework will be assigned at the end of each class and is due at the beginning of each lecture.

Course Learning Objectives and Goals:
What may look like complex topics are just ways we want you to think more deeply about the game to derive a greater satisfaction from playing. Furthermore, this understanding should have applications in real life, to further synthesize new information from limited inferences. The primary goal is for students to learn, enjoy the art of competitive StarCraft, and have fun. Overall, students will be applying critical thinking, quick decision-making, and game theory skills throughout the sessions. Students will also learn what to look for in a replay or game to learn most effectively.

Kids in UC - Berkeley can take this up for college credits?

Dutiful Service

2009-01-22T10:57:00.003+08:00

Pictured above is a Treo 650, which is also the model of my phone. I like naming my gadgets, and I've named my phone Violet.

I've had Violet with me since my first job, and she's been one of my favorite pieces of technology ever since. Word processing, phone functions, and a handy list of small notes that keeps me from conveniently forgetting most of the things I need to remember. This has become a staple of my life, and I'm as attached to it as I am to any of my friends - as disturbing as that may sound.

So I'm kind of sad to find that she's been damaged. There's a bit of a crack on the casing, and it's dangerously close to the screen. So I want to have it fixed now, before it gets to the screen itself and causes me all sorts of problems getting it fixed. If it even can be fixed by that point.

I'd be able to get Violet repaired now if I somehow managed to lose a wad of cash. I swear, that was in my wallet when I went to sleep.

Note to self: blog about the weird way things just disappear in the house at some point.

Oh, and something for you all to enjoy:

Reflecting Pool

2009-01-13T13:56:00.002+08:00

I don't know, where to go, what's the right team?
I want my own thing. I want my own thing!
I can't choose, so confused! What's it all mean?
I want my own dream. So bad I'm gonna scream!

This...so frighteningly fits how I see myself nowadays. You see, I've come to understand that I've become a bit of a reflecting pool. The honest truth is that, for a long time now, I've not been sure what I wanted to do, or even if I wanted to do anything at all. I've come to end up reflecting what other people want me to do or be, or what appears to be that.

I don't work because I want to. I work because people around me expect me to, and to some degree, want me to hold down a job and become a contributing member of a society that honestly could not possibly care less about me. I work because I'm told I need to work, that I'm worthless unless I do. Note that these same people tell me I'm worthless even if I am working, which is hardly a good thing for my self-esteem, but that's not the topic here.

I've figured out I don't actually want anything out of life. Sure, I act like I do, and I often talk about how nice it would be if I had certain things or achievements, but deep down, I realize I don't want any of that. I do it because I feel I have to, because I'm expected to, and because people want it for me. But I don't want it for myself.

I've become a reflection of what people want from me, but have come to understand that, really, I don't want anything for myself. I manage to get by with the appearance of wanting things, but those are really little more than ways for me to keep myself occupied when I'm not doing anything else. All I can imagine myself wanting right now is the chance to take out my frustrations and my anger, preferably with as much violence and property damage as I can muster. Or scream, but the first option sounds more interesting.

It's quite a realization. To come to understand that you're essentially nothing, that you want nothing that you can truly claim to want for yourself...it's kind of unnerving. Leaves one feeling quite empty.

Bang!

2009-01-11T20:11:00.003+08:00

Because I'm lazy.

New Year, Old Interest

2009-01-02T09:33:00.003+08:00

A few years ago, I watched this relaxing anime about the life of girls in a Catholic high school. It was very serene, largely lacking in antagonism or drama, and described by many I've encountered as rather dull. Still, I watched it and fell in love with it.

There's just something very lovable about it. There's conflict, but it's very mundane compared to most. Everyday, one might say. Nothing here happens that can't happen in real life, which is pretty much a good thing, considering the setting is very realistic in itself. The cast is solid and easy to find yourself becoming attached to en masse, yet picking a favorite isn't hard.

There's a certain air of calm and warmth to the show, something that makes it hard not to appreciate it once you get into the subtle drama and inter-character politics of it. The show isn't for everyone, and is definitely not for people who are looking for fast-paced excitement or flashy fights.

Anyway. Now I hear there's a new season coming up, and I just had to spend my free time watching the previous seasons. I needed to catch-up, and the show is definitely better on the second viewing than the first. Now I'm eagerly awaiting how they handle events after the 3rd season, and whether or not Touko and Yumi's interactions would be adequate replacement for the wonder of Yumi and Sachiko's interactions.

So now I sit and wait for the new season to start airing and get subbed.

Until then, enjoy some warmth and calm from Yumi and Sachiko.

So I Just Watched...

2008-12-25T22:50:00.003+08:00

Gone With The Wind.

And, despite all the accolades and praises this movie has gotten, the only thing I can bring myself to say about it is that...well, it starts off dreadfully BORING. Don't get me wrong, business picks up after the first hour or so, but it starts off so slowly that I almost fell asleep. And I know a lot of fans of this movie will be very displeased with this comment and will likely be attempting to argue with me about how the first part of it is anything but dull, and this is what I have to say to them:

Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.

I Like This Build

2008-12-23T14:48:00.007+08:00

As many of you have already come to realize, I like the Magic color black a little bit too much for my own good. I'm also the type to lean more into an aggressive, quick strategy than one that revolves more around how two cards interact or on playing defense until very late in the game. In short, I prefer aggro over control or combo. Not just any type of aggro, though. I like my aggro fast and able to deliver a lot of pressure quickly and reliably. With that in mind, I set about to build a type of deck that has, sadly, faded from the face of the Magic competitive scene: black weenie.

The archetype has been around since the beginning, with cards like Black Knight and Dark Ritual. However, it slowly faded out or was adapted into other forms because small black creatures didn't have the same quality that white, green, or red did. Blue is an entirely different matter, but only recently has mono-blue weenie really been a viable alternative. Shows how different things are in the current environment, I suppose. Anyway. I know black weenie isn't the competitive monster archetype that it used to be, and that builds like Eva Green and Suicide Black are more modern evolutions of it, but I'm stubborn.

So anyway, my current build on MWS, which I have affectionately nicknamed Kotonoha Katsura:

Lands:
18 Swamp

Spells:
4 Thoughtseize
4 Duress
3 Cursed Scroll
4 Dark Ritual
3 Bonesplitter
2 Liliana Vess

Creatures:
4 Black Knight
4 Nantuko Shade
4 Hypnotic Specter
4 Dauthi Slayer
4 Mourning Thrull
2 Ashling the Extinguisher

It isn't the best deck in the world, but I've come to like this build a lot and I think it's a relatively solid weenie deck. I'd love to find a way to stick Hunted Horror into the deck, however. A 7/7 trample 2-drop is just too good to not include if I can find an easy way around the drawback without having to go into other colors.

This.

2008-12-17T10:38:00.001+08:00

A serial killer who died more than a decade ago is the person who decapitated the 6-year-old son of "America's Most Wanted" host John Walsh in 1981, police in Florida said Tuesday. The announcement brought to a close a case that has vexed the Walsh family for more than two decades, launched the television show about the nation's most notorious criminals and inspired changes in how authorities search for missing children.

This made me smile. John Walsh and his family deserve this closure.

You're Beneath Me

2008-12-16T10:26:00.004+08:00

Call center agents, for what it's worth, are generally decent, hard-working, honest people. I should know, I've worked with many of them and have been one myself. However, I learned a while ago that each call center breeds a different type of agent. Hell, even separate accounts within a single company can breed drastically different types of agents. Completely different animals, as it were. And 'animals' is a very, very appropriate term for the breed that works where I am.

We've already firmly established these people are complete slobs. They're also lying slobs, frequently blaming their messes on the dayshift IT people. Even with photographic evidence and eyewitness testimonial from IT and tech support people, they still have the gall and the audacity to pin the blame on us.

But let's not dwell on that flaw when we can discuss their apparent "air of superiority," not to mention their over-possessiveness of their stations. Or their lack of a sense of time.

You see, the typical call center agent in Ascend Asia's other division (not the one that is currently relocated; they seem like decent enough people) are a bunch of...well, animals. They have this tendency to act like they own the computers they're using for work and treat their stations as such. Sure, it's fine to personalize their stations a little, but don't you think it can be a bit much when you're actually claiming literal ownership? Especially since the real owners saw fit to let the IT people use those computers during the day?

News flash: These are not your personal property, folks. You're not even paying rent on them. You're just being allowed to use them to accomplish your tasks for work. The company didn't give them to you, and it is theirs to do with as they please. And it pleases them to let us use them until the computers taken by the NBI are returned or replaced appropriately. Deal with it.

Here's another bit of information you may want to get through to your thick skulls: when your shift is over and there's no mandatory meeting or anything, you're supposed to get the fuck out of the office. Isn't it common courtesy, common decency to leave when you know that the people next in line for using those computers are there, waiting, and are already starting their work at least half an hour late because you refuse to leave ON. FUCKING. TIME?

The fact is, we've already had our shift moved down an hour - with all the serious effects that has on commute time and sleep schedules - and we're still starting our work later than we should. All because these agents can't get it through their thick skulls that, Hello, you're not alone anymore and you have to act like decent human beings for once in your miserable lives. More on this at a later date.

No, you don't get any right to complain when we do about your sloppy habits, your dirty computers, and your lack of common courtesy when leaving. You don't get to act like you own the place and tell us we have no right to ask you to go. You don't even have any right to tell us off when we make you get the fuck out. Your shift is over and other people need those PCs, so act like the mature human beings you're supposed to be and leave, dipshits.

So here's a message from me and the other disgruntled members of the IT department, and I'll say it in Filipino, so the agent's simple minds can actually process it without having to strain themselves in the process:

"Wag kang aangas-angas. Agent ka lang."

* This post has been brought to you by the IT division (SEO, Voice Logs, Writers, Web Design, etc.).

It's That Time Of Year Again

2008-12-15T11:27:00.001+08:00

No, not the ridiculously overblown Christmas season. The day after my birthday. I feel old. Positively ancient.

Methinks The Agents Doth Protest Too Much...

2008-12-09T22:40:00.007+08:00

For a few days now, we've been sharing space with the night shift agents of a different division of the company I'm in. There are a few policies and rules that are standard between our divisions. No bringing in personal items into the work floor, no bringing in food, and other things. Yet, almost the day after we started using their computers during the day, our night-time superiors were bombarded with complaints from the agents about us being "dirty," "messy," "sloppy," and generally messing with their things.

I think the agents protest too much, especially considering we're largely NOT GUILTY.

The agents, however, are.

Exhibit A:

Wrappers for a local salted nuts snack. Found under an agent's desk the moment I got into the office, right after they left. With no time for anyone from my division (IT) to have eaten it and put it there. Therefore, logic dictates that the agent did it.

Want to see what was on the agent's desk? Let me show you Exhibit B:

Well, what was on his desk? Junk. Lots of it. There was a book in there, and it looked not so worn. Probably doesn't get read very often. There were papers there, and a couple of chocolate wafer things. No wonder it was infested with ants.

But enough about someone else's desk. Let's take a look at the stuff on the one that was on mine. Now, the agent who used the computer I used was pretty clean, and did not seem like the type to have food or personal items. In fact, all the agent had was a plastic envelope of what may or may not be work-related documents. And straws from a fast food join.

Yes, straws.

But of course, there's one agent that takes the cake. He sits at one of the ends of the row of cubile-like desks we use. His desk looks relatively clean and orderly, until you take a closer look.

You see, his desk, his keyboard, and his Avaya-like thing is infested with ants. Infested.

And this agent I have a name for folks, as he proudly displayed it near his ant-infested desk.

So please, call center agents, before you go calling the dayshift IT people messy, why not take a look in the mirror and fix yourself first, hmm?

In Pursuit Of Perfect Black Aggro

2008-12-08T17:59:00.003+08:00

As I was digging through my files the other day, I stumbled upon the folder named "Decks" under my Magic Workstation directory.

For the unaware, Magic Workstation is a piece of software that allows people to play Magic on the Internet without having to play via Wizards of the Coast's own system, Magic Online. Completely free, the updated database has all the expansions (up to the latest releases), and easy to use. The only real hassle is how damn long it takes to get all the art for the cards. But enough of that. I was digging through my files, found the folder for the decks I've made in it, and realized something.

I've made close to 50 of them.

And, for the most part, they're the kind of decks I'd make if I could afford to actually buy the cards. Or if I could find them. So hard finding older cards nowadays, with Wizards preferring to focus on promoting and supporting the "Standard" tournament environment, which includes only the latest of sets and the latest "core edition." This is "Type 2" for us older players, who were around and active prior to the ridiculously large number of expansions that came out - and the ridiculous amount of abilities, mechanics, keywords, rules changes, and whatnot that came with them. I also have a few people I play with online, and many of them are the type to experiment with different decks or themes. In other words, I am having fun with the game again.

And, fortunately, I actually have almost all the art. I'm just missing art for some promotional cards, but I have the ones I want. Oddly, I got into Magic because of the artwork on the cards. I left because there was nobody left to play with by the time I left for college. Now, though, both "concerns" have been answered.

I don't win a lot, but I have a decent ratio. And I get an odd sense of satisfaction when I make other players go "What the fuck?" after I do something utterly unconventional. With that in mind, I'm oddly focused on one particular build: black aggro, or sometimes known as suicide black.

Black has always been one of my favored colors. I don't know why, really, but it appeals to me. The color also gives me a wide range of options for the type of deck I have in mind, but making it all fit in a 60-card deck without sacrificing the chances of me drawing them is tough. I have a total of five variations on black aggro on MWS, and will likely end up building more in time. I'm just not fully satisfied with their speed, power, and even their raw offensive capacity.

Playing on the Internet has somehow re-invigorated my desire to upgrade my own real-life decks, as odd as that might sound. Maybe it's because I've been exposed to some good cards thanks to the software. Not sure.

I'll have to ponder that. Eventually.

But for now, I pursue the perfect blend of speed, power, and defense in my pursuit of the perfect black aggro deck.

A Short Piece

2008-12-06T23:17:00.002+08:00

Dedicated to my mother, whom I have lived in constant terror of all my life.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Helena looked at Alicia’s expression and, instantly, she realized something was woefully amiss.

There was a smile on her face. A genuine, bright smile.

The instant that the image had been processed and the realization took hold, she decided to figure out just what caused such a thing to occur. She looked around the surrounding area first, almost too eager to see if anything was…out of the ordinary. Nothing looked to be different or altered among the more visible fixtures of the room.

The small TV was where it was usually perched, across the room and largely untouched. Helena had only seen it in use a few times since Alicia moved into the condo unit they shared. It was largely left to occupy space or gather dust rather than be put to use.

The bed was a mess, with the sheets just barely being on it and the pillows in disarray. There were bits of brown smattered across the summer colors of the sheets, little chips of paint feeling from the floor and sticking to Alicia’s bare feet. The unused TV’s remote was there too, lying on the bed. In other words, nothing changed there either.

The laptop, which Alicia had named ‘Kaguya’ as soon as it was taken home, sat flat on the desk it usually occupied. It wasn’t on with a few programs running, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary or strange. Helena learned long ago that Alicia had a tendency to leave ‘Kaguya’ on if she had something to do that interrupted whatever it was she was up to on the laptop. Either that or she was downloading something. The fact that it was on despite not being used, therefore, was not at all strange.

It was then that she saw a strange new addition to the darkened room’s usual empty dreariness: another human being.

“Well, I’ll be going now,” the new person said as he turned for the door, towards Helena.

“Yeah,” Alicia said. The smile, Helena noted, had not faded. “Thanks for the good news.”

Once the door was closed, Helena let her curiosity get the better of her. “Excuse me,” she began, “who are you?”

He gave her a mildly annoyed look, and then sighed. “I’m her brother.”

“Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

Again, he shot the annoyed look, but again he seemed to just accept her inquiry as inevitability. “Fine, go ahead.”

“Well, I’ve been living with her for about two years now, and I’ve never seen her so happy,” she said. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her happy.”

He paused for a moment, as if letting the answer roll around in his head. Then, with a look of what Helena believed was both apathy and resignation in his eyes, he spoke. “You know what life is like when, from a very young age, you learn that you’re terrified, absolutely mortified by the mere presence of someone that’s supposed to make you feel safe?”

Helena blinked, but didn’t respond.

“Alicia and I learned to put on masks, to pretend not to care, to just let things slide off our shoulders like dust. It wasn’t something we wanted to learn, but it sort of became a required skill for survival.”

He paused, as if what he said had stirred up something inside him.

“We couldn’t let our real personalities show, and I think, for her, the mask killed who she really was, could be,” he said as he looked at the closed door. “Her emotions came along for the ride. She learned to kill the real ones and cultivate the false ones, pruning and trimming, grooming them like a bonsai tree.”

Helena kept silent, still uncertain what to say.

“We learned to fake sincerity and became inordinately proficient at it, too. We’d display the appropriate emotions at the appropriate times, and we’d be absolutely convincing while doing it. All the while, we kept the only real emotion we felt hidden from everyone but us. Let it take root, you could say.”

“What…was it?”

“Terror.”

“I don’t understand. What does that have to do with my question?”

“What I told her was good news, and that made her smile. That’s the short answer of it.”

“What was the news, then?”

“Our mother is dead,” he said with a sincere smile. “Which means she can let herself feel emotions again.”

He turned and walked to the door again, but paused briefly before he left.

“She’s free at last.”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Erwin Tulfo: Sensationalist Moron

2008-11-27T11:56:00.005+08:00

It is no secret that the "journalist" Erwin Tulfo is a sensationalist moron. This is not a matter of debate, not with numerous libel convictions under his belt. Quite frankly, it would be amazing enough that he's still allowed to go about writing "news," but then I realize I'm in the Philippines and things here suck. Case in point: Erwin Tulfo, a convicted libel journalist that could make the paparazzi seem tame by comparison, is still allowed a column in a newspaper. Granted, it happens to be a tabloid, but still.

I've read the "account" he wrote, mind you. Quite funny, if you ask me. Still, it does come down to his usual sensationalist drivel. He mentions boxes of evidence. Of course the cops would have "evidence" by the box, they took our desktop computers, laptop computers, our servers, and even an LCD TV, you moron. How else would the cops, who gleefully used and took various personal items that happened to be in our workplace, haul them out of our office unjustly? In shopping bags? Let's not forget them taking cables, pliers, various tools for technical support, and even security cameras.

Setting up a computer shop, guys? Or do you just need the cash to support for multiple mistresses that you know you can't afford on your meager salaries? Don't be surprised if the NBI website suddenly gets an upgrade sometime in the near future. Those computers had Photoshop, Dreamweaver, and whatever else they might need to give the site a face-lift, from what I'm told.

(On a somewhat related note: No, I don't really expect the company to get our stuff back. If the company does, it'll likely be damaged beyond repair. It's how the crooks known as the National Bureau of Investigation works, don't you know?)

His article also has an intriguing detail that I can't help but question. You see, the raid conducted by the NBI was done with the assumption that we were using illegal software. Were we? Wouldn't know, seeing as how all we ever seem to use is Ubuntu (a free distribution of Linux) and various free open-source programs. You know, the kind you can buy in various locations? The cheap computer programs that most everyone installs on their home computers. That's the reason the NBI gave, anyway. Yet, despite this fact, he makes references to completely different accusations. Stuff about selling prescription drugs, spamming, credit card fraud, and somesuch garbage. Most intriguing, really. See, none of those things were mentioned as the reason for the raid when the NBI came barging in. So where'd he get the info, hmm?

Now, Ascend Asia does operate an online pharmaceutical website. Incidentally, said website is down since the NBI took our servers. So naturally, we would be selling prescription medications to US citizens. Credit card fraud? Last I heard, we regularly fired anyone caught doing that. It's kind of standard call center procedure, folks. Spamming? Oh, that's a tough one. I'm not sure we stock any delicious canned meat products here. Oh, wait, the moron's talking about e-mail spam, which is an entirely subjective thing. One man's advertising is another man's spam, after all. But as far as I know, we don't spam. And I'd know, considering I work in the department that would theoretically be best-equipped to spam.

He also has the gall - the gall! - to question why the higher-ups of the company were not detained. Okay, so how do you detain the higher-ups of a company when they're overseas, in the US? How about the local ones, he points out. There's evidence, he says. Again, what evidence? They're computers, you sensationalist dipshit. Any evidence of wrongdoing (assuming there is any) would be found on them, and they took close to 100 computers. You think you'll get that kind of information out of that many PCs in one night?

On a related note, they did put people to keep an eye out on one of the local bosses. And no, not even the NBI people keeping an eye on him knew why they had to. He wasn't even "armed and dangerous," like they were told.

But, despite all the logic pointing to Erwin Tulfo being the sensationalist tabloid "journalist" that he is, people will not believe the truth. This is the Philippines, after all. People would prefer to dismiss logic and common sense than deny the possibility that sensationalist, libelous crap is actually false. Go figure.

Of course, he might be in the pocket of one Karl Chua. Who knows?

Post Update

2008-11-25T17:24:00.002+08:00

So, here I am, fresh back from that meeting I mentioned in my last post. What happened?

Short story? Some guy was pissed he got fired for stealing money from the customers.

Long story? It all began with a guy who had some middle or lower-management position that was using said position to, basically, get money from the company and the customers of the sales agents. Got fired because he was too stupid to get caught, the moron. So now he's trying to get back at the company for justly firing him. Turns out, he has connections with the cops - which explains the rather excessive raid.

The raid's story itself was rather interesting from how it was told to me. Cops with big guns kicking sliding doors down, holding people and questioning them about things completely unrelated to the apparent charges they said. They took everything, I'm told. Even personal items like someone's jacket, and one truly unlucky guy lost his personal laptop.

Now, work resumes tomorrow. Theoretically, we will attempt to continue as normal. Theoretically.

We'll see.

Note:
Oddly enough, I'm not angry about this at all. I actually don't really care. What I'm mildly annoyed about is that I wasted two vacation days when I wouldn't have needed to report for work anyway.

Job Security

2008-11-25T08:16:00.002+08:00

Someone once told me that you can believe as much as you like about what your employer tells you, just never believe anything he says regarding "job security." I see now that she had a very good point.

Recent circumstances have made me suspect there really is no such thing as job security, and even in situations where you're likely not to lose your job, you're still in more danger of becoming unemployed than you can readily imagine. Or accept, one would assume.

Anyway.

I think about this now because, well...because it fits perfectly. Later on today, I will be heading into a "meeting" related to work, and will be meeting with people from work. About as much as a gathering of the members of a small department with their relevant supervisors in a small area would count as a "meeting" of any business sort. What is said there could determine whether or not I still have a job, or if it will simply fade into nothingness sometime soon. Not sure.

It all comes down to unexpected events cropping up and having unexpected effects. It is no secret that the NBI (the local rip-off of the FBI, because everything here is a rip-off of something) has conducted raids on my office before. Something about child porn or piracy or somesuch garbage. It is no secret that, come morning, it had become business as usual for us. We'd hear about it from the ones that went home late, laugh, and continue on. So I find it distinctly alarming that such a case is not applying this time.

We've been raided before, but we've never been informed that we wouldn't have to show up for work because of it before. I find this alarming, as do some of the other co-workers of mine that I've talked to. It is most uncharacteristic behavior, and the relative silence behind it does not enforce any confidence in me.

They're hiding something, naturally. Everybody hides something. And I don't like the implications it might have on my current status.

I don't like keeping my hopes up (I never have, come to think of it), and I've already assumed the worst. All I really need now is some sort of confirmation, verbal or otherwise.

Quantom Of Solace

2008-11-17T11:55:00.003+08:00

Yes, I recently watched the latest James Bond movie. Sadly, I left it a little...underwhelmed. Maybe I'm growing soft, or maybe I'm just tired of watching explosions and gunfights, but I just couldn't bring myself to get into the film. Objectively, it was a good movie, and a good Bond film. But for me, personally? I yawned. Twice.

In other news, I love Magic Workstation. All the cards in the game (even up to the latest expansion), but none of the hassle or cost. Just as long as you can find people willing to play with you.

So I Watched...

2008-11-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

High School Musical 3: Senior Year.

Fun movie. Not as good as the first one, but definitely much better than the second one. I approve. Although I was kind of hoping of a better ending for Ashley Tisdale's character, Sharpay. She was easily more entertaining than Gabriella, but oddly, I didn't like her as much as I liked Kelsi. But as always, the music is good. I wouldn't expect anything less than that, really.

Stupid Jokes Are Stupid

2008-10-28T10:57:00.000+08:00

Some might argue that I have no sense of humor. Indeed, at one point or another, I even considered the possibility myself. But I also find some things funny, which means I do have a sense of humor. Then it came to me. I realized that many of the jokes that people around me laugh at come across as annoying or stupid to me. Which then made me wonder.

Why do I find so many popular jokes stupid?

Mind you, I get why they're supposed to be funny. However, there's a difference between actually finding something funny and knowing why said something is funny. Parody songs, toilet humor, cross-dressing, weird and annoying impersonations of popular children's characters by grown men who have no business doing so, and other things that make people around me laugh just make me groan inwardly and wish they'd shut up. I know why they're supposed to be funny, but I can't, for the life of me, bring myself to laugh.

Is that really so odd?

Not In My Job Description

2008-10-16T10:23:00.006+08:00

Maybe it's the laziness in me, or it could be that I'm just so bored that even this I'm willing to actively dislike, but I simply can't bring myself to like a job where I'm being told to do something that I don't think really falls under my job description. I'm the sort of stubborn fool that firmly believes in the elliptical logic that if you were hired to do one thing, paid to do one thing, and are being told to do something that is not the initial thing, then you've got every right to complain.

Yes, I just made sense. Do not question me.

Anyway, as I said. I don't like being told to do things that I don't believe are in my job description. I'm willing to make leeway for modifications of existing tasks, and even quietly accept additional tasks that are related to my previous tasks, but I draw the line when I'm given something that simply is no longer my job.

For now, I'll bloody do it. I'd just like to openly state that I don't get paid enough to put up with this new shit, and my patience has been strained enough recently by work and other factors, thank you very much. Like I said before, I think I finally need to move on and find new work, or at least take a couple of months off as a vacation - a well-deserved one, some might add. We'll wait and see, won't we?

You don't just assign people (an entire division, no less) a bunch of arbitrary tasks that not only take up half of their working hours to complete, but are also well outside what you hired them for. It's like asking a horse to pull a plow - sure, he can do it, but it isn't the task he's supposed to be doing. Not one of us has spoken up about this, naturally. Jobs at risk, and all that. But the thing is, if none of us do, won't they just eventually pile on more bullshit tasks on us? Things that are more than just arguably outside of our responsibilities, as implied by our titles and job descriptions?

At one point, I guess somebody will buck up and say something. Who knows? I sure as Hell hope it won't be me, but then, doesn't my doing this technically count? Bah.

All I can say for certain is that, somewhere down the line, this needs to end. One way or another.

Me? I will endure, and in enduring, grow stronger. That, and maybe focus my attention on better ways to spend my time. Or job-hunting. Whichever. I need to re-design my black aggro from scratch, anyway.

Random Note:
As of today, whenever I am capable of obtaining adequate paper, I'm starting a little project to help me relax. A piece of Japanese folklore I picked up once said that folding 1,000 paper cranes as an offering to the kami will get a person one wish granted. True, I don't believe in the "wish granting" bit, but I'm not about to deny just how relaxing I find folding paper into cranes to be.

I ought to buy one of those origami books one of these days.

Anyway, I think I'll start if off today. Wonder if I'll ever make it to 1,000?

I Think...

2008-10-15T17:23:00.001+08:00

...I need to find a new employer.

Everything In Life...

2008-09-29T08:15:00.002+08:00

...is about location, location, location.

And right now, I really, really don't like my office's location. I've never liked having to go to work in locations too far from the MRT, and I especially don't like doing that in fucking Makati. I don't like the long walk, the excessive heat I have to endure on the way to work in the morning, and the unbearably slow and unreliable elevators in the building. Now, initially, I wanted to just sit back and see if I could make this ridiculously stupid new location work for me.

I'm almost at the end of my patience.

Granted, it isn't just the new location that's pissed me off. It's a lot of little things, not the least of which is the monotony I alluded to in my last entry. I've made myself stomach as much as I'm ever going to stomach. My natural laziness has made it hard for me to move from this moderately pleasant job, but I think it really is about time that I get the Hell out and find better openings.

Time to go hunting.

Drowning Sharks

2008-09-25T17:19:00.003+08:00

Factoid: Sharks can drown. Sharks, with the exception of some species, are unable to float in water. If they stop moving, they tend to sink and drown. The movement of their bodies forces water through their gills, and allows them to breathe. In human terms, if they stop running, they choke to death. Interesting, isn't it?

Moving on, then.

I'm bored.

That's a bad thing.

Work has become a near-mindless repetition of things, and frankly, I'm so sorely tempted to find some way to break it. Options come down to getting into some sort of trouble or risking things and trying to find another job. Either one would provide much more excitement than the status quo. I need something to break up the monotony of work or I'll snap and do something inexplicably stupid, simply because it'll end the boredom for a while.

I can feel my mind starting to slowly rot little by little, possibly from lack of any serious use. I try to get into other projects to occupy my mind, exercise my creature urges, but it doesn't work. The problem with that strategy, you see, is that I might be applying it too late. I don't think I have it in me anymore, as my mind has become as lazy as the body. It's nearly impossible to motivate me to think of anything now.

I need to find some idea to occupy the part of my brain that writes before it rots away completely. As much as I like to blend into the background and go unnoticed, I'd rather not have that at the cost of my writing.

If this sounds familiar, it's because it's happened before. I endured this same problem at Intelligraph when the project assigned to me stuck with me for a little too long. The monotony and familiarity, along with the relentless repetition of the things that my mind works on, eventually left me feeling empty and depressed. Of course, it didn't help that I wanted to do some not-nice things to my former employer.

The situation now is very similar. I've gone past hatred of what I need to write and have managed to progress into outright apathy. I only do my job because it gets me money. I'm not motivated to really put as much effort into it as I should. I barely even really try or care to try any more. The fact is, I just...don't find any interest in this anymore. It feels cut and dry, and while I know the work isn't completely monotonous, it feels that way. By this point, how it feels matters more than the actual situation.

On the bright side, at least I don't hate my employer. Some of my co-workers, on the other hand...I'll refrain from commenting for now.

Honestly, who'd have thought writing for a living would kill my writing skills? I know I didn't expect it.

The creative mind, I think, is like a shark. It needs constant movement --- and the space to move --- or it'll just...well, drown.

Fun Flashes

2008-09-11T16:15:00.001+08:00

Link here.
I particularly like the "Suika tries to obtain alcohol" one.

Fiction: Withdrawal

2008-09-10T10:49:00.005+08:00

Written by a friend who wishes to remain anonymous. Put up here by request.

------------------------------------------------------------

I miss you...

She can barely contain her emotions, but she understands she has to.

She believes letting them out isn't an option. She can only begin to imagine what it'd feel like to openly admit how badly she wants her lover back, to feel that soft touch and taste those supple lips again. She wants to be held, to be touched, to be tasted. But mostly, she just wants her lover back. The sensation, the desire, the overwhelming need gnaws at her constantly. She tries desperately to hold the torrent in, to keep the emotions contained, to hold the line separating the public mask and the real woman behind it.

But you see, it's not quite enough. Nor that simple.

Is she upset? Our last conversation really end so well...

She worries. Worries quite a bit. Worries over the littlest things.

It is in her nature, to be frank about it. She worries and she questions and she doubts. External factors frustrated her last they talked, and she didn't quite realize that she'd ended it on such a sour, mildly unhappy note. She didn't realize until too late that their last conversation was going to be their last for a while. She chides herself, lashes her mind for not realizing how upset her lover seemed at her decision to just end the conversation and leave. She should have seen it, she tells herself.

She's tried to make up for it, of course.

She's sent little things. Private messages on the forums they frequented before she left, numerous e-mail messages, and --- despite the stupidity of it --- messages on her AIM while she was clearly offline. She should have known better. In fact, she did know better. For the next several weeks, she might as well not have existed. Still, stubborn girl that she was, she kept going.

I'm sure she'll appreciate these when she gets back. Won't she?

She keeps writing letters. She keeps sending them. She knows that her lover won't be able to read them yet, won't even know they exist for a few weeks, at the very least. Still, she is stubborn. Still, she is persistent. So she writes and writes and writes, afraid of rambling on and on about the most pointless of topics, yet aware that she needs to keep writing about things. She knows she shouldn't ramble, but she feels that her lover would appreciate a letter that wasn't short and succinct, that the message was long and heartfelt and...well, the right word seemed to escape her.

It didn't matter.

It won't matter what she says, because somewhere, she knows her lover would be pleased to know that she sent something. Anything. It would have kept her lover from feeling lonely, the thought that someone was waiting for her to come back. That someone cared enough and thought about her enough to send messages that might never be read.

Still, she tries so hard not to ramble.

She'll come back. She promised me she'll come back. To me.

She believes it wholeheartedly. Her lover will come back. Sure, things might not be exactly the same as before, but her lover will come back. Her lover will come back, hold her tight and safe, and whisper words in her ears that will mean nothing at all to others, but will mean the world to her. Simply because they came from her lover's precious lips, spoken in her lover's gentle voice.

Yet, sometimes...

Sometimes...

She takes a deep breath, and reminds herself not to falter.

I love you, baby.

She does. She loves with the hopeless devotion and devoted hopelessness that characterizes women so deeply, madly in love. It devours her every thought, taking her attention side by side with memories and images of her lover. She's become used to the contact, to the sharing of attention, to the constant presence. She's accustomed to it, has come to crave the sensation and the truth of being loved.

She tries so hard to hide one awful little fact.

Come back soon, baby. I'm...I'm...

Without you here, I'm...I...

Please. Come back soon. I don't think I can...I'll try to hold it in, but...

Without her lover...

...it hurts without you.

She's falling apart.

Look! A Meme!

2008-09-08T09:21:00.002+08:00

Normally, I don't buy into memes (certain exceptions apply, but generally not here), but I've got nothing better to do anyway. So here we go.

(A) Four places I go over and over:

1. Office. - to quote Blink 182: "Work sucks. I know."
2. House. - this ought to be obvious
3. Those 4 malls in Makati that are connected to one another and the MRT station - because, you know, I pass through them every day on the way home
4. Neutral Grounds in Greenhills - Magic: the Gathering. 'Nuff said.

(B) Four people who email me regularly:

1. Jobstreet - a wise man once told me that you should never close all your doors, because opportunity doesn't break into houses
2. The In Nomine Mailing List - because I signed up for it because, you know, I play the game when I have the chance
3. N/A
4. N/A

(C) Four of my favorite places to eat:

1. Pizza Hut - for the pizza
2. Chef d'Angelo. - I like me my pasta
3. Burger King - the steakhouse burger
4. Home - do I have to explain this, or do people understand the value of a home-cooked meal?

(D) Four places I'd rather be:

1. Rome, Italy - the heart of what was once the most dominant empire the Western world has ever seen
2. Kyoto, Japan - because I have always been fascinated by Japanese history and Shinto, and Kyoto is the spiritual center of Japan
3. Paris, France - one place: Notre Dame de Paris
4. The British Museum in Cairo, Egypt - I dabble in Egyptology every once in a while

(E) Four people I think will respond:

1. Not a one. Anyone I know that would respond either already has, or is the one that sent me this in the first place
2. Okay, maybe Digital Buryong, a.k.a. Richard
3.
4.

(F) Four TV shows I could watch over and over:

1. MacGyver - I'm a child of the 80s, and I grew up watching this, so it be nostalgic, mates
2. Mythbusters - fun and educational at the same time, not to mention very interesting
3. Gakuen Utopia Manabi Straight - potentially the most heart-warming show I've seen in a long, long time, and one of the few anime I'd re-watch for fun, rather than to catch details in the animation
4. A toss-up between Farscape and Babylon 5 - perhaps the two best sci-fi series/franchises ever created, and both ended up canceled while garbage like Star Trek keeps chugging along

Hmm.

Tired, Angry, Frustrated

2008-09-02T12:03:00.004+08:00

I hate Makati.

This is no secret. I have been mentioning how much I despise Makati for a long, long time now. The entire city is just one convoluted mess, filled with more buildings and towers than anyone can possibly care to imagine. All the roads and alleys and the streets just annoy me to no end. It doesn't help that the city is just so inconveniently far from where I am, to the point where I'm willing to turn down any job that puts me in that blasted, accursed city. And earlier today, I just added another small even that makes me loathe this blasted city even more than I already do.

You see, as you may or may not now, my office was supposed to have transferred to another building recently. Earlier this morning, according to the last bit of information given to me, I was supposed to report for work in the new building. Which, by the way, is TOO FUCKING FAR. And when I get there, I'm tired and eager to just sit down, relax for a few minutes, and maybe --- just maybe --- get to work. But as I get out of the elevator and look around, I realize something.

Nothing is ready.

I talk a bit and end up finding out that work is still at the old office because the move hasn't been completed yet. I would have been fine with this, had someone actually told me I wasn't supposed to go there yet. That pisses me off.

Honestly. How hard is to to send one text message over a long weekend to tell your employees that no, we haven't moved offices yet? God damn it. An hour and a half of walking down the drain. Hour and a half I could have spent on more productive things.

Bah. Enjoy the picture.

Castle of Cards

2008-09-01T09:16:00.003+08:00

This is the Doomgape, my current favorite card in Magic: the Gathering.

Also the symbol of the insanity that's going on with my card collection. You see, I have more cards than I really know what to do with. A large number of them are garbage, like the card collections of pretty much any casual Magic player. Granted, my collection is actually a really small one, but I still don't have a whole lot of room for it. I can only imagine it'd be much, much worse if I could find the cards I managed to pile up from the last time I was really active in Magic, back in high school. Man, that was about three times the size of what I have now.

In an effort to alleviate the problem of having too many unused cards, with a number among them being basic lands, I decided to see if I could build a deck or two out of them. Just for kicks, you know? In the end, aside from my black/green hybrid deck (built out of the cards included in the Eventide Death March precon) and my pure green Elf token deck, I ended up with two more. There's also a third that might come along, which is both a new version of my old black deck and a modified version of the Eventide Life Drain precon.

After much digging, I managed to come up with at least one not-completely crappy deck. A white weenie that has a touch of red in it, of all things. Mostly Kamigawa block, and making heavy use of the Bushido ability. In reality, it isn't a new deck as it is a revival of an older deck, minus the limited burn capability. In exchange, I believe I gave it the ability to boost the power of the creatures in it more. Not entirely sure. I could have just simply added more samurai. I do know that Enduring Renewal and Debtor's Knell were not in the original version - though the two make for a potent combo if you can get them both in play.

Planning on making a black/red deck a little later, to find a home for my copies Demigod of Revenge, Ashenmoor Gouger, and Ashenmoor Liege - along with any other useful black/red hybrid cards that didn't end up in my brother's black/red elemental wither deck. Probably give it plenty of cheap weenies, like goblins and such. I suppose it can serve as a home to my now-displaced Black Knight and Knight of Stromgald cards.

Of course, there's the black/white deck I'm planning. That one's barely complete, and I know I need a few more cards to finish it. However, I also know there are some cards I want to put in there, but am not sure if I can figure out what needs to be taken out to make them all fit. There is also a card that fits the concept of the black/white I'm building very well, but the casting cost is too high for it and it also forces me to remove four other cards that might be useful. That's four cards that'll end up unused and stuck in a box until I decide to tweak one deck or the other again.

All because I got back into the game and now can't dig myself out. Still, it is quite fun, and it gives me something to ponder aside from work and other things that I'd rather not dwell on.

Fitting

2008-08-27T15:22:00.001+08:00

This picture is oddly fitting for what's going on with my friend, I think. "Something beautiful is now unraveling and fragmenting," she told me.

Distracted Focus

2008-08-22T15:46:00.007+08:00

I need to focus more on the distractions of my life. Anyway, random mini-topics now.

First:
The office is moving. My current place of employ is moving locations to one that is going to take longer for me to get to than it currently is. I am not happy with this, but for the sake of decent pay, I'll put up with this shit. I already walk a lot to and from work to get to the MRT station, and do not relish the idea of needing to walk even further to get to work. It's annoying.

Second:
I'm stumped for something to write. I've ended Darkness & Stars at a somewhat reasonable point, but have decided not to spread it out yet. Maybe when I feel more like spreading awful writing out onto the Internet. As for other projects, I'm drawing a blank. I want to write, but I can't think of anything to write. I take this as proof of the old claim I once made: work kills creativity.

Third:
I have delved back into playing video games in what spare time I can muster. I've got a Gameboy Advance emulator, Warriors Orochi, Samurai Warriors 2, Blood-Over, and Baldur's Gate II all on my PC right now. Oh, and a little beauty called Gadget Trial. Will likely install Planescape: Torment later, too. Been playing a lot more Magic than usual lately, now that I think about it.

Fourth:
I have far too much anime waiting in the wings to be watched, and not enough time or motivation to watch them. Right now, I've decided to focus my attention on Code Geass R2 and Koihime Musou. Once one of them is done, I'll fire up ef - A Tale of Memories, or any of the others in the pipeline.

Fifth:
For a few reasons, I am not happy. In fact, I'm arguably downright depressed. I assume it will pass. It usually does.

Agony

2008-08-18T14:03:00.003+08:00

Words cannot describe how much pain I feel right now. So I drown myself in distractions. In video games. In work. In writing. Anything to take my mind off what how awful, empty, and depressed I feel.

Don't ask for an explanation, please. It's far too personal.

The Other Side Of A Pillow

2008-08-13T17:13:00.002+08:00

You probably know how it feels. When you rest your head on a pillow all through the night, and when you turn it over and lay your head on it again, it feels...cool, somehow. More comforting. More soothing. Even though it is the same pillow. It's an odd feeling, and one that is so very fleeting. Yet, for what it's worth, it is probably as close to pure, untouched, divine calm as anyone can possibly get while still alive. The sensation is like a string of beautiful music: easy to remember, but impossible to catch. Of course, there are times when that feeling happens to you in life. When that same comfort, that same sense of security, rightness, and calm manifests because of something said or an event - even a minor one. The sensation is positively...intoxicating.

While the story will not be told, the twisted, creative side of me just had one.

And it is a good feeling.

Product Of Boredom

2008-08-01T12:11:00.004+08:00

First and foremost, I love the hybrid mechanic. It just makes things so much easier, and allows mono-color decks to access cards and abilities they wouldn't be able to otherwise. Which is probably why my mono-black weenie deck is populated by a number of hybrid black creatures, such as Demigod of Revenge (black/red), Wasp Lancer (black/blue), and even a couple of new creatures from Eventide.

I'm thinking of grabbing this little beauty:

Or this:

At the same time, I'm working on upgrading my old green token deck. It's already an efficient deck for producing tokens. My brother (and my friend, Alicia) are both capable of generating thousands (literally!) of elf tokens with the deck. However, I've always worried that if it couldn't get certain cards into play, it just lacked a big amount of hitting power. However, thanks to hybrid cards from the latest expansion, I can add that much-needed hitting power.

Thank you to the Doomgape and Creakwood Liege.

Oh, and on an unrelated note, I feel bad for my friend Alicia. She's found a woman that's basically the second love of her life, and now she only has two weeks left with her. Kind of sad, really. Still, she's happy she's found love, even for a short while.

Self-Destruction

2008-07-28T08:18:00.003+08:00

It's one thing to destroy yourself. It's another thing completely to watch someone else do the same.

One thing that most people don't expect about me is just how empathic I can be. Which is one of the many, many reasons I try not to let people too close. I tend to feel their problems as if it was mine, which is a tendency to make life difficult for me if I'm unable to solve those problems and get them out of my way. Still, man can't live life alone, and even I have a few people that have gotten closer to me than I should have ever allowed.

An old friend of mine has been effectively put through more emotional turmoil in a matter of days than most people have to go through their whole lives. Granted, she's got more issues than Time magazine, but the other girl involved in this equation, from what I'm told, has pretty much the same amount of problems. Just of a different nature. Of course, my friend isn't the talkative type, and the other girl involved in this is someone I don't know. Even so, their problems are starting to really get on my nerves, as thinking about how to fix it has begun to disrupt my perfectly orchestrated daily routine.

This is particularly true now, with my friend effectively destroying herself over a girl who, from what I've seen, probably could not care any less about her. Sadly, my friend has never been one to listen to my advice unless I'm mistaken about something. Since she won't take my advice and cut her losses, that can only mean I'm right and she's setting herself up for an inevitable and irreversible disaster.

I hate not being able to fix things. Hate it.

Yin And Yang

2008-07-17T15:11:00.004+08:00

All things in the world, so the belief goes, are governed by the opposing and complimentary forces of Yin and Yang. Day must not exist without night. Life must not exist without death. Prey must not exist without predator. This is the way things are, with Yin and Yang struggling for dominance, and somehow attaining balance halfway through. That is, if the object that serves as the vessel or phylactery for Yin and Yang is a stable creature, one that does not have the sentience needed to question the very nature of what it is and what it is meant for.

So what of people?

Naturally, Yin and Yang must be adapted to people before this question can be answered properly.

Yin is traditionally the feminine principle. It represents the cold, logic, rationality, and the lack of change. It is the guardian of how things are. Yang is more often believed to be a masculine principle. It represents warmth, emotion, creativity, and the impulsiveness in a person. It is what breaks down barriers, forms relationships, and fuels change in an otherwise static soul.

Assuming that all creation behaves in flows and counter-flows of Yin and Yang, humans should also fall under this mandate. Theoretically, Yin and Yang should find balance in people. There should be equal amounts of both forces present in any given individual's personality, even if some of the forces and traits are more prominent at times than others. Yet, as I have often observed, that is not always the case. Some people have more Yin, others exhibit signs of a severe imbalance towards Yang. Under normal circumstances, this would only display itself as personality quirks and not cause massive damage.

That is, unless the imbalance manifests during a relationship.

Relationships, as has often been said, are about balance. What if the people in this relationship do not have their own balance set? What if one is attuned too much to Yin, behaving more coldly rational than is called for and always looking at things with an analytical eye? What if they were to love someone attuned to Yang, who follows instinct, impulse, and prefers to live in the now and deal with the uncertain consequences of their actions later? What happens when their opposing views collide?

If a Yin-attuned person encounters a Yang-attuned person, does it create balance in their relationship? Do their opposite natures collide and cause friction, eventually tearing them apart over their differences?

What happens when a Yin imbalance meets another Yin imbalance? There is no balance, but there might be some initial harmony between them. However, cold rationality is often a poor thing to consistently display in a relationship that is meant to be tied with emotional bonds. Would the excessive Yin between them also tear them apart? Would a situation like this, only with both having an excess of Yang, also result in the same problem?

What happens when someone with an imbalance collides with someone who has no imbalance? When excessive Yang or Yin encounters someone grounded in the center? The possibilities of that are even more disturbing to comprehend than a collision of Yin and Yang, as there is no telling how the imbalance will react to the balance in the long-term.

It is an interesting thing that has started to gnaw on me, as my friend describes her current relationship as "Yang colliding far too often with Yin for either one of them to really be compatible in the long-term." Yes, theoretically, the Yang and Yin they possess should balance each other out. However, it is also theoretically possible for them to just collide and damage one another until they pull apart.

I wish her and the object of her affections well, and hope that she is incorrect in her assessment. I also have this gnawing belief that my friend Alicia is wrong about the girl she's in love with, that this girl (her name has not been made known to me, let alone other details) is not Yin-imbalanced, but merely more comfortable displaying Yin characteristics.

Of course, if Alicia is Yang and this girl is balanced between the two, I can only pray it does not end in disaster.

Coffee Culture Confused

2008-07-08T15:11:00.005+08:00

We seem to be living in a semi-global culture obsessed with coffee. If nothing else, the prevalence of Starbucks and Seattle's Best stores exemplifies that. These places, along with smaller and more "little guy" establishments often serve a myriad of concoctions and mixes and modifications. And, for some reason I do not understand, people are willing to pay the most exorbitant of prices for them. I just don't get it. I mean, it's just coffee.

Between the fact that it's nothing more than coffee with a lot of bells and whistles, and that they're insanely expensive for what they are, I don't understand the obsession. I mean, for the prices they charge for a single glass (or whatever they call it) of their stuff, I could get myself a decent meal somewhere. Frankly, I'd much rather have a decent meal than excellent coffee - much more long-term benefit out of the former for me. Or for anyone with even the slightest modicum of sense, really.

I see nothing special about it. Mind you, I'm not one of those detractors that has never even tried the stuff. I'll admit that, once upon a really bored time, I tried a couple of Starbucks mixes. They were good, but not really all that special. One of them tasted a little too much like liquefied, brownie-like ice cream. The other was just coffee, cooled to a nice, icy state and maybe a little sweeter than normal. Nothing that the average creative (or bored) person can do at home with the right stuff available.

I just honestly don't get the point. I mean, it's fancy coffee, but in the end, it's just coffee. I mean, it's not even a long-term investment, like the purchase of a sourcebook for a pen and paper RPG you play, or that new Magic: the Gathering card that fits perfectly into your deck. It's just coffee.

Hedgehog's Dilemma

2008-06-28T12:18:00.003+08:00

I'll open up to the fact that, in countless ways, my past is not squeaky clean. The damn thing would probably have a rather disturbing checkered pattern on it, with the occasional blood stain and burn mark as added accent. In simpler terms, I've done a lot of awful things, and usually to people who didn't deserve any of it. Awful things, simply because they seemed like good ideas at the time. I usually knew there would be consequences, but I couldn't be bothered to, as my friend Alicia once put it, "look at the victims."

The contrast she would later point out intrigued me. I don't think about the consequences of my actions, and rarely consider the impact my decisions and my statements might have on the people around me. I never consider anything when I do a lot of things, really. Well, so long as they don't really involve whatever my mind pushes as a priority at the time the decision needed to be made. Which brings up the contrast.

I hate hurting people, and like most people, I don't enjoy getting hurt. However, the best means of avoiding both is to go against general human nature.

Which then leads us to the Hedgehog's Dilemma, which inspired the title of this post.

Hedgehogs, for the unaware, are little critters that have lots and lots of spines on them. Lots. These spines are very painful to touch, such that anything that gets too close is guaranteed to get hurt. However, being mildly social creatures (and let's not forget the need to reproduce), the hedgehogs will eventually need to get physically close. However, this poses a dilemma. By getting close to another hedgehog, one is setting one's self up for being hurt, while also risking hurting the other one. So, given the desire to avoid pain and the conflict it poses to the situation at hand, what does one do?

Human beings, as pointed out in Neon Genesis Evangelion, are in much the same situation. Human relationships are fraught with the risk of hurting someone and being hurt - frightfully, they usually go hand in hand with one another. Which leaves people seeking relationships that mean something, that result in something close, but still slightly pull away because they're afraid of committing everything and then being burned by what they've given up.

Human relationships are things that are, by nature, very dangerous. There is an inherent amount of pain in being in a relationship, and for some people, that pain outweighs whatever benefits there might be to being in one.

What does this all have to do with my past, you might ask? Plenty.

I've come to understand the nature of the hedgehog's dilemma. I've managed to somehow have an instinctive understanding of it for many, many years. Which has resulted in me simultaneously seeking out relationships with people, but also working to push them away and attempting to sabotage them from the inside. And that has result in me being hurt, but also in a lot of other people I've come to care about (even a little) to be hurt. A lot, in some cases.

I sort of feel sad thinking about that.

So what has that gotten me? Not a whole lot. I'm solidly against getting too close to people, but I tend to seek out ways to get closer to people too. I guess, in a way, I'm a perfect example of someone trapped in the hedgehog's dilemma.

Cyborg Name Decoder

2008-06-18T13:07:00.002+08:00

My friend thinks it funny. I do too.

Get Your Cyborg Name

That's 'Captain' To You!

2008-06-11T13:35:00.006+08:00

In celebration of the impending release of Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, Captain Mei Ling:

Players who ran through Metal Gear Solid would remember those little bits of wisdom Mei Ling would spout off whenever you saved your game. It took me a long, long while, but I think I finally got most of them down.

"You must cross the river before you tell the crocodile he has bad breath."
"Nought's had, all's spent, where our desire is got without content."
"He who knows that enough is enough will always have enough."
"Friendly counsel cuts off many foes."
"If there are more wolves, the people are eaten; if there are more people, the wolves are eaten."
"The cautious seldom err."
"It is better to live ugly than die beautiful."
"When walking through a melon patch, don't adjust your sandals."
"He who is firm in will molds the world to himself."
"Solitude sometimes is best society, and short retirement urges sweet return."
"The proud man does not eat rotten meat even when hungry, nor steal water from another's well when he thirsts."
"Once the fox gets his nose in, he'll soon find a way to make his body follow."
"It is the strong swimmer who most often drowns."
"Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, old time is still aflying, this same flower, that smiles today, tomorrow will be dying."
"Rashness brings success to few, misfortune to many."
"The snake, knowing itself, strikes swiftly."
"Win in any way you can. Nice guys finish last."
"I'll fight, till from my bones my flesh be hack'd, give me my armour."
"War he sung, is toil and trouble; honour but an empty bubble."
"The graveyards are full of indispensable men."
"The mind cannot be in two places at once."
"Oh, it is excellent to have a giant's strength, but it is tyrannous to use it like a giant."
"The tongues of dying men enforce attention, like deep harmony."
"The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions."
"Wise men ne'er sit and wail their loss, But cheerily seek how to redress their harms."
"Come, what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day."

Maybe? Could Be? Nah, Probably Not.

2008-06-10T16:56:00.003+08:00

I read this somewhere once. "Money can't buy you happiness, but somehow, love can."

Personally, I thought this was rubbish. Until just recently.

So now, I'm starting to wonder...

Last Days In The Trenches

2008-06-06T12:54:00.004+08:00

Today is officially the last working day that I am among Ascend Asia's rank and file content writers. No, I haven't done something that would get me fired. On the contrary, I've somehow managed to get myself roped into being, of all things, promoted. For me, this is both a good and bad thing.

This is a good thing because more money is coming to me. Money is always a good thing to have more than adequate amounts of. Between my constant upgrading process for my black deck and my "still in construction" white/green deck (that is designed to directly oppose the black deck on many levels and mirror it on others), not to mention the latest addition to my laptop collection, Kaguya, and the new PDA I plan to buy sometime after the next few months, I estimate that I'm going to need a much larger cash flow than I have now.

Yeah, pretty much money is the only real positive I see about this.

The first thing I worried that I'd lose when my promotion becomes official, however, is time. I have never been one to willingly and consistently sacrifice time. I can donate money. I can donate some bits of my unusual wisdom. I can lie about my understanding other people's problems and donate my sympathy and empathy. However, I do not like the idea of having to donate time. Much less sacrifice it.

And damn it, sacrificing my time is likely going to be the first thing that I end up doing if certain people don't shape up and certain conventions are not...restored to their proper state. Unfortunately, despite being promoted, I am rapidly becoming certain that I still do not have the administrative power needed to correct the glaring mistake I see in how things are being done by the day shift writers, and it sickens me. Mainly because, for as long as this is done, I'm bound to not only have to deal with it, but also end up sacrificing my time for it.

Naturally, I want to expect them to be willing to sacrifice their own time, but I know this aspect of their behavior well. They'd be more willing to leave the work (and whoever is handling the editing) hanging because they've got somewhere to go than live up to their responsibilities. I know I'm not the perfect, work-work-work employee, but for the love of Cthulhu, I at least know how to finish on time despite distracting myself from my work. My day shift co-workers, clearly, do not. Until they can finish everything within the shift, I'm afraid that I'm going to be spending a lot more time with Sumire (my PC at work, which I have decided to name such).

Maybe I can fix this, but that's unlikely. The person that's higher in rank than me (in practice, but not on paper) is just as likely to condone the offending practice as the others are to continue it, regardless of who's in charge. She's a capable enough person on her own to handle all the duties, and she has a good head between her shoulders, but I'm almost certain she'll simply be too lenient to do anything about the problem. This leniency, of course, will just encourage them to continue it.

The worst, most sickening part of this? I know that these bastards can actually get things done. Even get things done early. It happened once before, when they had no choice but be under my watch. Sure, the requirements then were half of what are required now, but come on. If I can do it, and I'm not even trying, why can't they?

Given the chance, I'd be more than happy to do what I have to in keeping them in-line. I'm no big fan of Intellicrap policies regarding backlog work and variances, but I'm also a creature of practicality. I'm not about to refuse the use of a working tool to improve the performance of the whole, no matter how much I dislike the tool itself. I'd hate to have to end up feeling like I have no choice but to suggest the most rigid, draconian of measures be implemented, either. I only hope that things never come to that.

But these are just my worries. We'll see how things work out when it actually comes. I'm not hoping for the best, but I am preparing for the worst.

On another note, I am now experiencing what I think is being on the wrong side of a one-sided interest of the possibly romantic variety. I find this sensation...slightly disarming.

No, I'm not talking about this.

I Buy Sushi

2008-06-02T12:33:00.003+08:00

Some may get the subtle reference/joke that is the title of this post. Most won't.

Anyway, a vaguely entertaining weekend just passed me by. I managed to snag a copy of Warriors Orochi for the PC, and spent a few hours or so in hack-and-slash fun. Sure, it isn't the deepest, most engaging plot in the world, but right now, I need less thinking, more killing in my games. Doesn't help that the female characters of the game are just so darn cute sometimes. Mildly annoyed by how hard it is to complete everything in the game, though. Not to mention how disturbing it is to notice that the lines of spoken dialog seem to suffer from an ungodly delay, which can seriously be detrimental to completing some of the tasks. Still, the game is repetitive but fun overall. Definitely a nice game to break in my new laptop, Kaguya, with.

I also discovered that, after many years of loyal service and hours of fun, my time-worn copy of Baldur's Gate II is now officially dead. The "redundant cycle check" problem, not to mention some scratches here and there from years of abuse, have finally taken their toll. The prospects of me finding another copy anytime soon are rather low, which is sad, really. Sure, I don't play the game as often as I used to back when I first got it, but I delve into the Forgotten Realms and install it every now and again for a few hours. Or when there's a new mod that I'm interesting in trying out. This would not have been a problem had I kept a clean install somewhere, but I neglected to do that after formatting my older laptop, Sakura, who had been suffering from some hard drive problems.

Yesterday, me and the family also went to Manila Ocean Park. Lots of fish, which is good. Lots of people, which is bad. And sharks, which is just beautiful. I am mildly disappointed that there wasn't much in terms of variety. There weren't any truly exotic species there, either, but I guess that is understandable. Still, the place had sharks (including my favorites, the black-tip reef shark) and rays, so I'm not that disappointed.

Pictures!

Oops.

2008-05-26T14:13:00.005+08:00

For a few months now, I've had a couple of things nagging me at the back of my mind. I know I'm supposed to do something, but can't, for the life of me, remember what they are. In such cases, I just tend to gloss over them --- let them fester like the sensation of omnipresent aching you get from an old battle wound. So I did just leave it there, not paying one bit of attention to it.

Then, last Friday, someone kindly reminded me of one of them.

So sorry about the delay. My bad. Here they are.

Late, late, late addition:

Oh, and for those who play these sorts of things:
Touhou 11: Scarlet Weather Rhapsody is now available. Chaotic fun.

Where's My Thirteen?

2008-05-21T12:46:00.006+08:00

I...am not a very big fan of people. So, expectedly, most people I work with are not very big fans of me.

It is, of course, no big secret that people I work with aren't too fond of me. Why should they be? I'm abrasive. I have a large tendency to be a curmudgeon. I am entirely too judgmental about every little thing that I feel concerns me. I have next to nothing in common with them. I don't really bother to pretend to enjoy socially interacting with them. My set of values drastically differs from their own. Simply put, I don't particularly care about them, and thus give them no reason to care about me.

Some of you might say this should not be the case, and that I should be more...I don't know, human? The thing is, I came to the workplace to do one thing: work. I'm not here to make friends or socialize or play Magic, even though there are times when the last of those three seems like a much more appropriate thing to do. However, I also make it a point to actually finish my work on time. Or preferably, ahead of time.

I've managed to consistently finish ahead of the scheduled end of my shift and am, on most days, able to get all my work done before the lunch hour kicks in. Simply put, I'm faster at this than anyone else that I work with on the day shift. Not sure about nights. While I'm disinclined to believe in it completely, part of me is also starting to grasp around the possibility that I'm not only faster than they are, but that I'm better than they are.

There are many, many days when I feel nothing but utter disdain towards the people I work with. This is particularly true when I hear them complaining about how hard the tasks are, or how big the workload is, yet moments later, I see them slacking off. I'm prone to slacking off myself, but I know enough to stop and get back to work. I also understand that the best time to slack off is when you're done with your work, or when circumstances make it so that you can't continue your work. I figure, they have no right to complain about the work if they spend half their time not working. Okay, two of them are definitely guilty of this, one I can't be sure of, and the last one has an excuse for slacking off.

However, I don't think most of them have any real excuse for a practice that I'd rather not speak of, but find absolutely deplorable. I can't go into details about this because I believe that if this goes on long enough (as far as I'm concerned, it has, but this is not the opinion of the person most involved in this problem), it'll spill over into higher ranks of management anyway. It just annoys me at how unfair it is, particularly since I'm constantly and consistently finishing things at the appropriate times.

I like to think I have some level of respect, though. I've long lived by the words "you may not like me because of my personality, but you will respect me because I am good at what I do." I know what I'm doing. I'm good at what I'm doing, otherwise I wouldn't bother doing it. I'd like to think I deserve and have a little bit of respect because of that. As far as being likable or liked is concerned, that really fails to be of any real use to me and, as I said, I work because of work, not because I want to make friends.

Which puts me into an odd position. Arrogant as this may sound, I am starting to feel like I am Ascend Asia's day shift writer's equivalent of Gregory House: largely unlikable as a person, but undeniably good at what I do. With that in mind...I would now like to go back to the question that prompted this post: if I'm Gregory House, where is (or who is, if I'm really, really lucky) my Thirteen?

Stupid Vista-Compliant Machines

2008-05-19T14:27:00.003+08:00

I just bought a new laptop. Okay, technically, the laptop isn't mine, but my mother's, but that's beside the point right now.

So here I am, trying to install a perfectly working copy of XP onto a Vista-compliant machine. The guys at the store had the foresight to give me the drivers they said I'd need to make everything work if I install XP, since Vista drivers were not going to be a problem for me - or so they claimed, at least. However, early on in the installation, I hit a minor snag - the installation doesn't recognize the hard drives.

I do a bit of digging and I find that I've got a SATA HD on my hands, which XP doesn't have drivers for. I do a bit more digging and realize that I come to three options. First, I tamper with the compatibility settings on the BIOS so I can install XP without a problem. This is, by far, the easiest of the lot, but also the one that I'm the least sure of. I'm not sure if I can do that on the BIOS of the laptop. Second, I can slip-stream the whole thing with the appropriate drivers, but that also presents a minor problem: I can't find the drivers, and I can't get the ones I got from the manufacturer to work. Third is the option I want to deal with the least and that I'd rather die than truly consider: install Vista.

I intend to spend a few hours on the new machine (which I have named Mei) later on, to see if I can get any of the above methods to work. Installing Vista is an option, but only if I deem it absolutely necessary to do so. That's only going to happen if I exhaust the first two options, but I doubt that's going to happen soon. I've managed to grab some stuff that might be of help in my quest to making sure XP gets on that laptop, even if it kills me.

Another Round, Barkeep!

2008-05-16T15:36:00.002+08:00

And here I go again, taking tests I shouldn't simply because I'm bored out of my skull.

Who Should Paint You: M.C. Escher

Open and raw, you would let your true self show for your portrait.

And even if your painting turned out a bit dark, it would be honest.

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

You Are Lightning

Beautiful yet dangerous

People will stop and watch you when you appear

Even though you're capable of random violence

You are best known for: your power

Your dominant state: performing

What Type of Weather Are You?

You Are Somewhat Logical

Ok, so didn't get the majority of questions right

But you did answer some pretty tough questions correctly

Logic may not be your strong point, but you hold your own!

How Logical Are You?

Your Power Level is: 54%

There's a good chance you feel pretty powerful, and with good reason, you're already fairly successful.

Keep developing your goals and skills, and you'll be surprised by what you can really achieve.

How Powerful Are You?

You Are a Mac

You are creative, stylish, and super trendy.

You demand the best - even if it costs an arm and a leg.

Are You a Mac or a PC?

You Are A Little Honest

Sometimes you do the right thing, but not often

You prefer to look out for yourself most of the time

But sometimes honesty does get the better of you

Here's hoping you answered this quiz honestly

How Honest Are You?

Your Brain's Pattern

Structured and organized, you have a knack for thinking clearly.

You are very logical - and you don't let your thoughts get polluted with emotions.

And while your thoughts are pretty serious, they're anything from boring.

It's minds like yours that have built the great cities of the world!

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

You Are A Social Butterfly

You love your friends so much...

You're motto is "the more, the merrier"!

Making sure everyone's included is your mission

And you always prefer a group of ten to a group of two

What Kind of Friend Are You?

Note: This one is highly inaccurate.

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly.

You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality.

People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

You Should Be A Virgo

What's good about you: you have a quiet determination and aren't swayed by emotions

What's bad about you: you are an insane perfectionist and easily find faults in others

In love: you are obsessed with making your partner happy

In friendship, you're: helpful and giving - eager to be a true friend

Your ideal job: poet, flight attendant, or natural healer

Your sense of fashion: casual, upscale, revealing, conservative - you look good in all of it

You like to pig out on: a well prepared five course meal

What Sign Should You Be?

You Are 74% Grown Up, 26% Kid

Congratulations, you are definitely quite emotionally mature.

Although you have your moments of moodiness, you're usually stable and level headed.

How Emotionally Mature Are You?

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Macarena by Los Del Rio

When I dance they call me macarena

And the boys, they say that I'm buena

They all want me, they can't have me

So they all come and dance beside me

What's Your 1996 Theme Song?

Your Brain is 40% Female, 60% Male

You have a total boy brain

Logical and detailed, you tend to look at the facts

And while your emotions do sway you sometimes...

You never like to get feelings too involved

What Gender Is Your Brain?

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

20% Yankee

15% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

What Your Pizza Reveals

There are no limits to your eating. You often devour the scraps your friends can't finish.

You consider pizza to be bread... very good bread. You fit in best in the Midwest part of the US.

Your taste in food tends to favor what's rich and comforting. You prefer food that will definitely satisfy you.

You are generous, outgoing, and considerate with your choices.

You are unadventurous and boring. You should consider staying home when taking a vacation.

The stereotype that best fits you is redneck. Your friends secretly agree.

What Does Your Pizza Say About You?

Your Job Dissatisfaction Level is 38%

Your job is not bad, but it's probably not a long term thing.

You're just not happy enough to stick around for too long...

And there's little that can change how you feel.

Start looking around for other options, but only quit for something really good!

Should You Quit Your Job?

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are about emotional connections and bonds. You are happiest being around those you love.

You celebrate the holidays in a offbeat style. You believe the holidays are for doing whatever you feel like - and some of your "traditions" are pretty wacky.

During the holidays, you feel magical. You love all of the decorations and how happy people are. You like to sit back and take it all in.

You think the holidays should be nostalgic and sweet. The holidays bring out your inner child.

Your best holiday memories are of childhood foods and traditions. You secretly still wish you believed in Santa Claus.

What Do the Holidays Mean to You?

You Are a Centaur

In general, you are a very cautious and reserved person.

However, you are also warm hearted, and you enjoy helping others in practical ways.

You are a great teacher, and you are really good at helping people get their lives in order.

You are very intuitive, and you go with your gut. You make good decisions easily.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

You Are the Ace of Clubs

You go at everything in your life full force. You are a natural gambler.

Your life definitely has some extreme highs and lows, but you know how to ride out the low times.

A total adventure seeker, you are never satisfied by what's normal or ordinary.

You like to push limits and shock people. You're dramatic, but a drama queen.

Your life has been a wild ride so far. You have stories that people can barely believe.

And you're probably still young... with a lot of wild rides in front of you.

A gamble you should take: High stakes roulette

Your friends would describe you as: Crazy

Your enemies would describe you as: Demented

If you lived in Vegas, you would be: A high roller

What Playing Card Are You?

Your 2005 Song Is

Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

"My shadow's the only one that walks beside me

My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating"

In 2005, you bummed everyone out. Like you care.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

You Are 75% Creative

You are beyond creative. You are a true artist - even if it's not in the conventional sense of the word.

You love creating for its own sake, and you find yourself quite inspired at times.

How Creative Are You?

You Belong in Generation X

You fit in best with people born between 1961 and 1981.

You are fun, laid back, and very independent.

You are willing to take risks and live your life however you see fit.

You are casual, accepting, and friendly. You see everyone as your equal.

What Generation Do You Belong In?

Your Attitude is Better than 50% of the Population

You have a positive attitude... somtimes. You prefer to see the world through clear glasses, not rose colored ones.

How's Your Attitude?

You Are Most Like Liv Tyler

“I don't want to spend so much time obsessing about myself.”

What Modern Bombshell Are You Most Like?

You Are Agnostic

God? Religion? Maybe... you're just not sure.

You're still figuring out your spiritual path... or figuring out you really don't care.

You believe that no one really can know the true story about religion or God.

So you might as well relax a little. You'll go crazy trying make sense of it all.

Are You an Atheist, Agnostic or a Believer?

Your Fortune Is

It's ok to let a fool kiss you, but don't let a kiss fool you.

The Wacky Fortune Cookie Generator

You Are the Index Finger

You are ambitious, driven, and capable.

You aren't afraid to take responsibility for your actions - or place the blame on whoever deserves it.

You are honest, free thinking, and objective. You see things in your own way - and you aren't afraid to let everyone know about it.

You get along well with: The Thumb

Stay away from: The Ring Finger

What Finger Are You?

You Are 40% Feminine, 60% Masculine

You are in touch with your masculine side.

You are not overly sensitive and not easily moved.

Occasionally, though, something will get through and touch your heart!

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

Exhaustion

2008-05-13T14:35:00.006+08:00

My friend once said that he felt old, and noted the consequences of such thoughts.

Now, while I don't feel old, I do feel rather exhausted. Drained, you could say.

This has happened before, and it isn't just boredom. I feel like I just don't have what I need to have anymore, or something similar to that. Hell, I can't even come up with the right words to describe it.

I just...feel exhausted.

I'm tired of the monotony of the topics I write for at work, even if I'm not quite completely drained by how the work is structured. Like handling cases of customer care back in my call center days, these things have ceased to really get my interest going. They've become mundane and dull to me, which means my writing slows down to a snail's pace --- something I find completely unacceptable.

My mind drifts off now, and hasn't drifted this far off what I should be focusing on since my last few days at Intelligraph. Like I said, it isn't as if I think things are bad or crappy (they need improvement, to be sure, but every office is like that). No, things are actually rather neutral --- except for that whole "night shift" thing, which I object to. Work is just...dull.

I'm coming to hate the scope of the topics I can write for, and the keywords that limit things further. The whole damn field of medicine is starting to grow stale for me as something to write about, which means that I've officially stopped caring how much I produce, whether or not I can overproduce, and if the stuff I put out is as good as what I used to.

As far as my writing mind is concerned, I'm just in it to do it. Nothing less, but definitely nothing more either. I guess you might be able to compare this to the realization that trying to go forward is pointless because there is no going forward. I guess the comparison I can best come up with now is with a treadmill. All that work, and you don't really get anywhere.

Right now, my mind just wants to sit back, take a month or two off, and do nothing. Obviously, because of commitments, because of the economy, and because of anything and everything that can be related to this, I can't. The best I can do to alleviate the continued process of my own mind cannibalizing itself is to play Magic: the Gathering, building and improving decks (not always mine) along the way.

Seriously, the time my mind spends on improving and planning my decks and strategies in that card game has managed to keep my mind from entering into a complete state of creative disrepair. This game, along with Code Geass R2, are the only things keeping me from declaring the creative side of my mind dead in the water. I suspect that, without these things to keep my mind off work both during and out of work hours, I'd be the literary equivalent of a lifeless rock. The worst part is, while they're great for keeping the exhaustion from becoming too bad, they're not permanent solutions.

I've been in this before, and the results were not pretty.

My writing skills suddenly decide to shift into two different gears. First, the assembly line, which continues to write what needs to be written for the office. Get things done and written and made to specifications, but without any personal touches or attempts to add a little polish to it. The stuff just rolls out of the assembly line without any fanfare or decoration. The second is the set of my mind that delves into my creative projects. That side of me goes dead and requires time (an obscene amount of time) to get jump-started again.

I hate it when that happens.

Gods, I'm tired. What I'd give for a chance to just lay around and do whatever I want and write whatever I want for a month right now, but life isn't about to let me have that or anything close to it. This whole "transfer to the night shift or resign" vibe I'm starting to get from the office doesn't do anything to help, either. I'd fight it, try and negotiate a better deal, but I'm mentally exhausted from the monotony of work, the lies I have to tell myself each day, the stress of having to work in the city I hate the most in the world, and the masks I have to wear to get through the average day in the office.

I'm tired. So very tired.

Deckbuilder's Diary: Black, Part 3

2008-05-12T12:38:00.002+08:00

Almost there, almost complete.

I've long considered the true stress test of any deck of any color to be a mana-rich, well-designed, set-up blue counter-control deck. In three consecutive tests, the current, incomplete format of my black deck survived and thrived. Then again, the greatest weakness of any blue deck that relies heavily on set-up and counters (virtually all forms of blue decks, from what I've seen) is the existence of the weenie. The first game had my opponent taken out by two weenies. Granted, said weenies were the Prickly Boggart and the Wicked Akuba, but that's beside the point.

One thing I've always disliked about traditional weenie decks is the lack of ability or cards to really do damage once past the mid-game stage. In streamlining the deck, I decided to take out a couple of low-cost creatures and replace them with bigger ones, which are more suitable for dealing with problems in the mid-game, where size starts to come into play. Numbers is still an issue, but sheer size, combined with the right tactics, can make short of that advantage. It helps that said big beef came with built-in evasive abilities, but I still need a way to handle the late game.

Or rather, I did. Four copies of Corrupt and a Maga, Traitor to Mortals, along with a Choice of Damnations seal up the late game pretty well, I think. Choice is a tough one to use because it requires precise timing to maximize the damage it could do, but overall, it can really turn the tide of a game if the opponent makes the wrong call on the number. And in the mana-rich late game, Corrupt can really take a dent out of someone's life total, potentially but me back in the lead (or increase my lead), and still leave mana for me to be able to cast other spells.

However, as good as it may be now, I'm still missing a few cards. One-mana drops are low in number, but compensated by the high concentration of efficient two-mana drops. I think I need one more big creature to round things out, and I'm juggling between Dread (my favorite) or Oona, Queen of the Fae. I'm toying with the possibility of using a Toshiro Umezawa as well, increasing the number of cheap creatures and adding extra spell-casting ability from the grave.

And of course, Ashenmoor Gouger is still missing. Damn it, someone always beats me to buying those things.

Still, aside from these few cards, I don't have too many more gaps to fill. I have a decent sideboard prepared, but doesn't cover all the common tactics decks use. Still has problems dealing with a deck that relies heavily on blasters, but that's mainly because a good blaster is generally much faster than the average weenie deck. In any case, deck is almost complete. I just need to improve the rather sparse mid-game (which is what the Dread/Oona, Queen of the Fate and the Ashenmoor Gougers are for) to top it all off.

Might grab Toshiro Umezawa as a sideboard as a utility, but I doubt I can find room in the main deck for him. Same goes with Maralen of the Mornsong, because even if she's a "tutor" effect each turn, the cost is too high and she helps the opponent too.

With any luck, I'll get to work on my white/green elf-token deck sometime next month.

Deckbuilder's Diary: Black, Part 2

2008-05-05T13:48:00.006+08:00

Still tweaking my black deck, largely because I'm not satisfied with how it performs, and partly because those bastards at BDO still won't give me my damn money.

I've decided to take some time to re-focus on the primary strengths of the idea. That is, cheap, cost-effective creatures, powerhouses that don't eat into my other resources too much, and sheer, destructive force. I've also decided to do away with gimmicky new keyword abilities and rely more on the tried and true precepts of Magic: the Gathering weenie decks: speed and power. But with a touch of direct damage, black-style, tagging along in the form of 4 copies of Corrupt.

I've also decided to better streamline and improve the creature line-up. There won't be too many ways to pump up my creatures in the new plan, so I need creatures that make other creatures beefier. Thankfully, the newest expansion can help in that quest. While Ashenmoor Liege lacks defensive capabilities at 4/1, the life loss ability and the "Bad Moon" effect it has makes it very useful in this deck. The same applies to the Glen Elendra Liege, even if it switches out the life loss ability for extra defensive power and flying. Put together, they make for an impressive means of increasing the offensive and defensive abilities of my creatures --- even if, thanks to the largely black components of it, I can't take full advantage of their boosting powers. The Ashenmoor Liege wins out over the Glen Elendra slightly when it comes to maximizing the effect, though, because I have more black/red hybrids planned for the deck than I do black/blue ones. Not by much, but still.

I definitely need Ashenmoor Gouger. The creature is a three-mana drop that pops in at 4/4, with the only drawback being that it can't be used on defence. For that kind of power and that cost (and the possibility of being cast on the first turn with a Dark Ritual), I'd rather use it as a means of getting rid of early blockers that don't have any means of saving themselves from that kind of early assault. It can also get a lot of damage early on against decks that require time to set up, like sliver decks or some of the old school land destroyer decks I've seen.

Not sure whether I should grab a Dread, a Ghastlord of Fugue, or an Oona, Queen of the Fae as the fourth example of big beef in the deck. The Dread has the most raw power and it is the type of creature that keeps coming back for more, but aside from that, it doesn't provide me with other strategic options. The Ghastlord is two mana more than the Gouger, at the same power, but is unblockable and works as an improved Coercion spell with each attack. It would also help me in making the most out of the Glen Elendra Liege. Oona has higher power and flies, but has the weakness of being a legend and the special ability can end up eating up a lot of mana --- the reason I took Maga, Traitor to Mortals out of the deck. Still, the ability to make tokens is useful in the event of a creature stalemate that continues attacks from the Gouger and the next creature I plan to add can't fix.

The other thing I intend to add would be the Inkfathom Infiltrator. As far as offensive tactics go, for a two-mana drop, the creature isn't bad. In fact, I think it is a very effective early-game creature. The unblockability is the best part of it, and the lack of toughness I can circumvent with Glen Elendra Liege, Ashenmoor Liege, Fists of the Demigod, or Unholy Strength --- all of which can also boost the offensive power. If it didn't last long enough to do that, it won't be too bad.

I also think adding Eyeblight's End would be a good idea. One problem with black is how it lacks the ability to use spells to destroy black creatures. Eyeblight's End still has weaknesses, but it can at least get rid of black creatures that need to be removed. I don't run into problem black creatures too often, and even in those cases, my creatures can generally handle them. Still, a little insurance policy never hurt. Though I might swap that out for more...large-scale creature kill, if I ever find Damnation.