Obsession

After taking some time to think a couple of things through (mostly since late last Friday, while I was at a KTV with others from work) I came to realizing something. It would explain how I can become so engrossed in learning things about and getting to know one specific person to the point that I can actually catch myself doing something bordering on stalking.

I have a tendency to obsess over people.

Well, obsess might be a harsh word but for the time being, my vocabulary fails me in finding a more appropriate word in the English language. The "other" meaning of the Japanese words otaku and hikkikomori might be appropriate, only directed towards a specific, flesh-and-blood person, and not an anime or anything of the sort. I'm nowhere near the dangerous point yet but if I get there, I probably won't be able to tell.

Looking back, the concept of my being a people-otaku is disturbing but actually explains quite a bit of my thoughts and behavior towards the girls that become the objects of my interest. I won't deny the fact that there is attraction, whether physical, emotional, or more, but the feeling isn't what I'd call love in any way, shape, or form. A slight crush tends to come along but little more than that. Going by this analysis, I've obviously never fallen in love before and, trusting my instincts on matters like this, I never will.

Which puts to me the question of why I love to write love stories and romances.

Anyway, I still haven't finished completely mulling over the notion that I'm a people-otaku, so I'll get back to you folks on that. As soon as I finish mulling over the very concept of it and just how accurate a self-analysis it is.

Let me see...well, the office recently had a Christmas Party back on the 15th. Going by the scale provided by Oz from Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, it was more of a shindig than a gathering. It was followed up by a trip to the same videoke bar that me and my Ambergris buds went to during our training days. Strangely, I actually felt more open about singing my heart out with my new officemates than my old ones. I didn't drink again and wasn't tempted; no brandy or whiskey in sight. It was fun, though I learned one more trait about myself that I either didn't know about before or consciously forgot: I can't sing to save my life.

I'm putting Yuki's Inbox on hold for a bit, scrapping my other idea, and just trying to hammer out my creative juices into giving me even a semi-coherent idea to work with.

In the meantime, I'm back in Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, with a NE kensage named Willow and a LG monk named Jin Wei. The evil side of things really needs to have more clerics, so I'll just drag along Anomen to augment Viconia's clerical services. However, I think I've got a good handle on the optimal party for good as per my playing style, which needs at least 2 clerics and a thief.

I have all the songs from "Once More, With Feeling" already and I'm starting to really favor I'll Never Tell and Under Your Spell as my favorites. My brother favors Rest In Peace and Sweet's Song, however. We both enjoy I've Got A Theory.

I know I'm going to lose Tuxy's contest, though that isn't as big a blow to my morale as one would assume. Particularly since I knew I was going to lose when I set out. I just...felt the need to join in it, is all.

I'm almost done with Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. Just started season 7 yesterday. After that, we move on to Card Captor Sakura. Oh joy.

And no, I'm not revealing who my obsessive nature has targeted this time around...

December 14

Well, another year down the old drain, huh?

You know, I never seem to get the concept of enjoying my birthday. I don't like being reminded that I'm a year older and, supposedly, a year "wiser." I try to avoid people whom I know will greet me and whenever I can't, I try to nudge them in the direction of forgetting about the whole thing. Unless they remind me with slips of money. In which case, yes, I crack a smile but it fades as soon as they're gone, as even money doesn't do much for me on this day.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being nuts or something?

Anyway, I'm in a bit of a creative slump, personally. My work is chugging along fine and with very little hassle but my personal projects? Good old XI has stalled and is likely to stall until the foreseeable future, though I managed to get far enough to alter the second part and make it Yuki's Inbox, if only to echo the concept of the first part while adding some new concepts to it. However, I haven't gotten around to getting to work on it.

I blame Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, which I am currently in season 6 of.

Soon, I'll be blaming Card Captor Sakura, which I recently bought the box set DVD of.

Bleh. I hate my birthday.

What's Black And White And Black And White...

Yes, I know I'm ripping off John Crichton from Farscape. No, I don't care.

You know, I actually miss Farscape. It was an excellent show and certainly more fun than a lot of the other science fiction offerings I've seen on TV and on the big screen. Star Wars is a constant favorite, mainly because...well, because it's bloody Star Wars. I lost interest in Star Trek after The Next Generation, though I watched a few episodes of Voyager and Deep Space Nine here and there. They ought to set a series in the Star Trek Mirror Universe, preferably before the Terran Empire was taken down by the Klingon-Cardassian alliance. Hell, I even put up with Earth: Final Conflict and Andromeda simply because I was rather bored. But Farscape? That show was special. That show was intense. That show was sci-fi gold.

I miss Scorpius.

I finally got a new MP3 player, a Creative Zen Nano Plus. The size is a bit big for my current anime MP3 collection but with my plans to expand it, I don't think I'll have any trouble filling it up in time. I just need to save up for the Fate/Stay Night OST, maybe a Card Captor Sakura or Rurouni Kenshin OST thrown into the mix, find my missing Shin Seiki Evangelion OST, and download a few random tracks from various anime I've seen but don't have enough interest in to actually buy the OSTS of.

I'm still working at the same place I've been working for the past few posts. Nothing much has changed, except me becoming rather adept at "topic scavenging." I'll explain that sometime in the future.

I've always been a Spike/Willow fan, mainly because I think Buffy/Spike is out of character and Willow's been of great comfort to Spike twice in the series, not to mention she's the only one that's ever really shown him any level of compassion and understanding (or attempts at it) besides Joyce. For his part, Spike, I think, doesn't mind having Willow around. The fact that the option of turning her into a vampire even crossed his mind shows me that (aside from the obvious fact that it'll irk Buffy) he has some degree of interest in Willow. If I was still writing fanfics, I could likely conjure up a convincing fic where the two of them got together post-Angel season 5, likely with Illyria interference, as the Old One seems rather attached to Spike for practical reasons.

I just bought the DVD box set of Robotech, though it only covers the First Robotech War, which is what I'm actually interested in. I'm thinking of digging up DVD box sets for Angel, Fate/Stay Night, Galaxy Angel, Farscape, and That '70s Show.

I've put Tohya on hold for a while, let the idea simmer and mature a bit in my mind. As for my other porject, the current name is Project: Bloodlines and, so far, it still is a solid vampire story. I plan to pay homage to a few things , like Joss Whedon's Buffyverse (Buffy, The Vampire Slayer and Angel only, since I haven't read Fray yet) and White Wolf's Vampire: The Masquerade, through the characters and concepts. I just want to finish the details of the setting and stuff before I jump into writing it.

Yes, I do tend to ramble incoherently like Willow does.

Yes, I a aware that I do.

No, I'm not going to do anything about it.

Gripe #8: One For The Old Guard

Well, well, well. Another Gripe from me. It has been a while, hasn't it? Don't worry. This one, like the others, is non-sensical, ill-informed, and highly subjective. Now, please pass the vitriol and we can begin.

The PS3

First off, let me express my dislike of Sony's PS3. I have liked the company's products for years, mind you, and am an avid fan of the PS1. My opinion of the PS2 has always been treading murky waters but the few good games for it compensated. However, regardless of the game quality, I cannot condone the PS3.

The damn console uses so much proprietary technology that it is ridiculous. Also, judging from the specifications and insider reports I got, I'm sure the PS3 has failed to address some of the practical problems that have plagued Playstations since the very first one was released.

Also, as much as I hate to admit it, I dislike the fact that Sony is the dominant console company today. It only means that all the crap-tastic games will be coming out mostly for the PS3, which eats away at people's money. Also, it has become clear that being the dominant console has had very negative effects on the quality of the games coming out. A number of games for the PS2 during this time, the closing years of the console, are utter garbage. After a bit of historical analysis, they're (comparatively) worse than the last few games to be released for other console wars dominators, like the SNES.

It would be nice of the X-Box 360 (which is an excellent system, though the game selection lacks tried and true RPGs) or the Nintento Wii (Mario, Samus, Pikachu, and Link are all Nintendo needs to stay afloat in the gaming world, really) could kick the PS3 off the top spot that it will inevitably claim. Sony should take a cue from Nintendo. Even though the console is far from dominant, the Gamecube has some of the best games out there. Metroid Prime (and the sequel, Metroid Prime 2: Echoes) is, by and large, infinitely more fun than most of the games to come out for the PS2.

Rest In Peace, Final Fantasy Series

As far as I am concerned, the Final Fantasy series is dead.

It started dying when Final Fantasy VII was released, though that was really just a flesh wound. At the very least, it featured a halfway decent plot but the villain was little more than a superpowered mama's boy and felt lacking. Still, at least Sephiroth was a more credible villain than Edea, Seifer, Kuja, or the horribly contrived Ultimecia. Don't get me started on the poor excuse for a villian that you get in Final Fantasy X. The death of a major character was a nice, poignant touch, but it served as little more than a way to extend a convoluted, confusing, and, at times, nonsensical plot. To make matters worse, the Materia system is a terrible system that just doesn't work.

Final Fantasy VIII, while I love the game because it was my first RPG (I went backwards through the series afterwards), was also a nail in the coffin. I confess that it is a good game on it's own but it is no Final Fantasy. The characters lacked development, save for Squall and Rinoa. Understandable, as most characters in a love story are poorly developed and serve only as background for the lovers to stand on. However, the easily abused Junction system and the level of combat interactivity threw me off. It didn't feel like Final Fantasy, a fact I realized after playing through the first game. Let's not even begin to talk about the lack of a credible villain in this story. Small consolation, I guess, is the fact that I actually am quite fond of the cast and am happy to see some of them in the Kingdom Hearts series.

Final Fantasy IX was the worst of the PS1 lot. Let's start with the Trance feature. I hate it. I despite it. I loathe it. Frankly, at the very least, the Limit Break systems from Final Fantasy VII and Final Fantasy VIII offered a degree of control over them, making them infinitely more useful. The fact that the Trance ability could not be controlled in any way made me sick. I felt as if it defeated the very purpose of having a system like that. What's the use of it if you can't save it for a battle when you'd really need it? Let's not even begin talking about the plot and characters, who are all distressingly annoying. The villain, Kuja, is also the worst villain in Final Fantasy history.

Final Fantasy X I consider to be in a similar vein to Final Fantasy VIII, which means I think it is a good game on it's own but it doesn't stack up to Final Fantasy standards. The main gripe I have it is that the plot lacks power. The love story is has is not as potent or well-delivered as Rinoa and Squall's. The darkness of the atmosphere lacks the true, overall dark appeal of Final Fantasy VII, which lures you in from the get-go with the slums of Midgar. Finally, the system it employs reminds me too much of Diablo for comfort. Of course, there's also the debacle that is Final Fantasy X-2 to take into account...

Final Fantasy XI doesn't count. It only bears the Final Fantasy name, none of the legend or legacy behind it. Sort of like the Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within movie. Standing alone, it is an above average product but it lacks the power to be desrving of the name.

Final Fantasy XII is what really killed the series for me. I'll give you one simple statement as to why: (almost) real-time combat. I liked the old ATB system. I love turn-based combat systems. I like having menus and commands and that little cursor/pointer thing. I like not having to worry about how fast I press buttons when I'm in an RPG combat situation. By making the combat what it is, Final Fantasy XII has effectively taken away what little RPG elements the game had after the four games that came before it. The plot is only marginally acceptable, as it is a good, solid plot but lacks Sakaguchi's signature. None of the characters are as memorable or as endearing, sadly. That is disappointing, as all the 3D Final Fantasy games before it (again, barring Final Fantasy XI) had at least one likeable character.

Final Fantasy XIII may or may not be the saving grace of the series for me. It looks nice enough and the graphics definitely feel like Final Fantasy again, unlike the 3 most recent outings. However, the combat is still carried out in the same way, which, in conjunction with the setting, makes it seem less Final Fantasy and more Halo.

***end gripe***

That's it for today. Work is still...work. I'm still not done doing what I want to do with Final Fantasy VI or Castlevania: Symphony Of The Night. I'm not done watching Buffy, The Vampire Slayer yet. I'm still re-working Tohya's second "book." My social life is still dead in the water. I'm still sure I'm going to lose the WAFF contest Tuxy has, as well as still being a Mod on his forums. I'm still hammering out the details for my other fiction project, currently called Project: X because I can't think of anything else to name it. Yeah, nothing much has changed....

Bits

Well, I've decided to focus on Tohya for a while, though with a few changes. I've decided to drop the current section, XI, completely. I'm dropping it in favor of a re-write in the 3rd person. I'm re-tooling the timeline, the setting, and quite a few of the characters. I think I'll keep Kelly Kincaid and Isabel Zhang, as well as the prerequisite Kanako Tohya and "Yuki," though most of the cast will likely be altered. I might throw in Atma di Magdalena, who is supposed to appear in my other project, as a monkey wrench.

As for my other project, I'm not really building onto it much. A vampiric Romeo & Juliet is a nice thought and all, but I don't think I have it in me to do that as of yet. As for Atma, she was supposed to appear as one of the main characters of this project but her predatory lesbian tendencies make her an ideal source of conflict and confrontation to the more benign appearance of Kanako Tohya. Well, maybe Tohya's Atma will be a pre-vampire version of her. Maybe.

And...

Happy Birthday Mikki!

Congratulations on the baby, too!

I'm Losing My Touch

I'm...well, I'm not entirely sure.

Creatively, I haven't completely stalled on XI, though I have re-tooled it (and Yuki's Diary) to fit into the context of a 3-part novel, currently given the title Tohya. Tohya is designed to be...well, I'm not entirely sure about that either. I mean, we glimpse her modus operandi in the first part, Yuki's Diary, and we see a touch of her personal and "professional" evolution in XI, but beyond that...I'm not sure. The idea is to make it come in 3 books, though I think it needs more. We've covered Kanako Tohya's murderous nature and her motivation, to a degree, in the first part. The second part shows off more of her twisted psyche, as well as a shift in her chosen "tools of the trade." The third would be used to elaborate on her past, on the "how and why" of Tohya. Yet, in reality, none of them are really written from her point of view.

I mean, YD was mostly from Yuki's, perspective, which is distorted because the two play mind games on each other. The second part is written from the eyes of another girl, one that's in her care and is quickly falling for her. I don't want to write a part grounded on Tohya's POV, as she's not a character who's comfortable with such. I don't want to return to Yuki's perspective long-term, though the way she "returns" in the story makes for an interesting avenue. Or, perhaps, an entirely different character is needed for the third book. Maybe someone taking notes on Kanako's mental condition? Though that last option requires a degree of trust that the character isn't eager to give out to anyone, especially after what happened to her "dearest Yuki."

In any case, at least my problem tells me that Tohya is alive and well in my head.

Which gives cause for us to move along...

As for my other fiction works, they've definitely stalled. My "dark fantasy" project is dead, though I managed to claw out a half-decent setting for it. I guess I decided to kill it when it started to seem too fantasy-flavored for my tastes. I'm thinking of doing a Gothic horror (well, as Gothic horror as I can make something) tragic romance. Think Romeo & Juliet meets Vampire: The Requiem and you'll get my idea. I'm not sure how far this version of the idea will get, though I intend to make it a better planned out one that the last time it brewed in my head. After all, what's more romantic than offering fresh blood, straight from the throat, to the lady you're wooing?

In my personal life, things have...changed. A friend from my previous work, I have just learned, is pregnant. Her birthday is tomorrow and I have no idea what to give her. If I can't think of one in time, I'll just cop out, buy a CD-R and burn onto it the songs in my collection that I know she enjoys listening to. If nothing else, it is better than nothing. I'd toyed around with the idea of burning a second disc filled with my orchestral music selection but I don't think she'd enjoy that.

Work is still work, as it has always been. I'm getting both tired and used to what my regular assignment is now. At the start, you feel a little overwhelmed by it. Then, you get a sense of wonder after you get used to it. Finally, it just gets old as you start noticing you're rehashing the same thing over and over again.

I've been re-watching Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. Much enjoyment. If nothing else, this will help me reaffirm the fact that Spike is my favorite character in the show. That, and I need to watch the entire second season and half of the third season, which I missed out on when it was showing in this neck of the woods.

I'm this close to finishing Final Fantasy VI, which is good and bad. Good because I feel the sense of satisfaction and sadistic enjoyment that I got when I hit disc 4 of Final Fantasy VIII. Bad because I don't feel inclined to start all over again and play through the game favoring a different party configuration, which is reminscent of my feelings after Final Fantasy VII. I also am not quite sure who to bring along to the end.

I know I'm going to bring Terra and Celes along (due to the fact that, by and large, they're the characters I'm most comfortable using and, therefore, my best) but the other two slots are...sketchy, at best. Shadow's Throw skill is useful since I've got a lot of stuff he can use as ammo but his offensive capacity beyond that is a little low. However, I won't really have any need for those weapons once the game's done, which is the same logic I have for setting up Setzer and his GP Toss ability. Edgar's nice and powerful, though I can't decide between the Dragoon Edgar set-up, or have him hold 2 weapons. Sabin, as of now, is too weak for me, and his Blitz skills (in my opinion) are not all that they're cracked up to be. Relm I'm considering solely for the cuteness factor, though her magic skills are up there with Terra and Celes, but her defense is...lacking. The rest...don't fit in that well with my plans. Eh, I'll figure it out when I get there.

In more news, I've become a Mod for Tuxedo Jack's forums. How odd, that. I have no qualifications for the job, aside from the ability to observe the forums for hours at a time while I really should be working, and a working knowledge of what is and is not to be considered spam there. I don't have any idea what the reason for this is, though for the most part, nothing's changed save for me moving a spam thread to where it belongs. Why am I talking about this like it matters? I don't know, actually. The last time something of this happened to me, people thought I was a Chiense lesbian blackjack dealer in Macau and made me Mod of their forums, which was essentially a femmeslash discussion board. Didn't last. The forums, I mean.

In The Air...

'Tis the season...

Let it never be said that I have the Christmas spirit in me. I never have and chances are, I never will. I just never found the point in the whole "goodwill to all men" propaganda only during one time of year. Echoing the idea of countless others before me and countless others after me, why only be good to others during one season? Why not all the time? If we're going to be nasty for most of the year, why not make it all year? Just drop the whole Christmas season garbage altogether. It'll make things easier on us.

Anyway, let us move on to more important things...

XI is chugging along. I've dropped it as my contest entry in Tuxedo Jack's forums, though I've written/reconstructed an old Love Hina fanfic as replacement entry. While I can re-tool the events of XI to fit with the WAFF theme, it won't be the same story I set out to write. So the contest, rather than getting the second part of a seriously twisted little story, gets more Love Hina shoujo-ai fanfics from the man who was once known as the lord and master of Love Hina shoujo-ai fanfics.

That fic was actually an unusual little thing. The original idea was supposed to be 2 things: a shoujo-ai saga (much like my celebrated fanfic Black and White) and a musical. Yes, a musical. It woudl have used Eyes on Me from Final Fantasy VIII, Aria Di Mezzo Carattere from Final Fantasy VI, and even One Winged Angel from Final Fantasy VII. I also managed to work in a scene for All I Ask Of You, from The Phantom of The Opera. Hell, I even managed to work in The Game by Motorhead and Sweet Child Of Mine by Guns N' Roses in the mix. I also mixed in a few songs from the local music industry, like Side A's Tell Me and Beautiful Girl by Jose Mari Chan.

Yes, the old Kanako/Mutsumi piece would have been a grand spectacle...

If it had gotten off the ground.

Mind you, I have the outline somewhere, as well as the scenes that needed the songs but...well, let's just say, a few days after I finished the outline, I made the drastic decision to drop out of fanfiction for good. The 'for good' part is a little...sketchy, at best.

My other project is dead. It had a good run as a playground of ideas but, in the end, the races reminded me too much of Tolkien's Middle-Earth races in The Lord of The Rings, so I dropped the idea. Granted, none of the races I made are even remotely like any of the thousand and one breeds of Elf Tolkien made, but it didn't feel right. Writing fantasy just doesn't seem right anymore. Hell, reading and playing fantasy doesn't feel right anymore, save for the rare exceptions, like the Final Fantasy series' first six games (I refuse to acknowledge the remaining games as part of the series, for reasons I'll one day explain). However, it did give me enough of a creative boost to pick up on an older idea of mine, though how long that boost will last is debatable, at best.

Things in my life, socially speaking, are askew, as always. A couple of good friends (who are also a couple, from what I last heard) have moved from their old job to a new one, which is closer to my current location, though their shift schedule is drastically different from mine. I'm still managing to get into contact and engage in a few quick chats with my former Ambergris Solutions workmates, which sort of alleviates the fact that I don't really have as close a bond with my new workmates as I do my old ones. In particular, I can name a few names that I really wish I saw more often nowadays...

I miss Gara, Che, Mikkitik, Lei, Cy, TJ, Robert...I even miss our old trainer, Sarge Joma. Good times, good times.

Not to say that I don't get along with the people here at Intelligraph. I just haven't found enough common ground with them to feel close. A couple of them I share a common interest with, though nothing major. Oh well, at least I enjoy the work more than taking in calls for Dell. I also get to have more time to relax, engage in my hobbies, and just spend time with the warped thoughts in my head. I finally have the time to go through my box set DVD of Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, for example. Now, if only I could find my box set DVD of That '70s Show and Fate/Stay Night.

Ain't piracy grand?

I've also recently purchased the 4th original audio CD I've ever bought. The previous three, in order, were Hikaru Utada's First Love, Hikaru Utada's Exodus, and the Guilty Gear XX: LA Vocal Edition album. The fourth one is Grand Finale: Final Fantasy VI. The last one I bought almost solely for the vocals on Aria Di Mezzo Carattere. I'm considering getting eithr the Chrono Cross OST or the Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater OST next, if I can remind myself to do so when I get my next paycheck. Of course, that Fate/Stay Night OST looks mighty tempting...

Well, that's all for now. For the 2 people who are bored enough to actually read this, let me end by quoting Johnny Gomez of Celebrity Deathmatch fame:

"Good fight, good night."

(Ab)Normal Circumstances

Well, let me see...I don't feel like putting up a serious post, so here's a list of 10 random things in my head.

1. Untitled project is still in planning stages. Main characters now being developed. Setting almost completely developed. Just need to create the 108 different realms, or at least assign them names.

2. XI is still going, though slowly. There's been a slight snag but I've figured out a way around it.

3. Still playing Final Fantasy VI and I'm nowhere near the end of the game yet.

4. I've stalled playing Castlevania: Symphony of the Night for the time being.

5. My head hurts.

6. I really feel like going to a casino and playing roulette all of a sudden.

7. Gun N' Roses rocks. Hard. So does Deadeye Dick. And Metallica. But Emo sucks.

8. I miss my Ambergris co-workers. We had some good times.

9. I'm slightly melancholic at the moment.

10. I can't believe I'm listening to Britney Spears and not feeling the urge to kill myself for listening to such crap.

Another Word From Our Sponsor

Time - 07:21, Manila time
Temporary placeholder for later post:
Pic of Nina Minami

Actual post should come a little later...

Time - 07:48, Manila Time

Okay, isn't the above picture just tempting? Very attractive, isn't she? Well, Nina Minami has managed to successfully re-awaken my dormant Japanese Idol fetish, which never really went away. It just slept for a while after I'd scoured every resource I could to find pics of Rena Tanaka. Nina-chan is relatively unknown, likely not all that popular in Japan either. However, she's one of the most attractive women I've ever seen and definitely worth the trouble searching for info and media of her on the Internet. When I saw first saw a pic of her (not the one above, something a little less revealing), I knew I had to base the appearance of the Kaijin race (for my currently in planning stages original fiction project) on her and name the lead character after her.

Anyway, moving along...

Very much thanks to a sudden infusion of sexy and cute Idol pics, I've got my creative spark back. I'm only averaging about half a "chapter" (I use the term quite loosely) a day, but that's better than a paragraph a day. I think I might finish my Tuxedo Jack contest entry in time, with a little luck. I think I rushed the events of the next chapter a bit, though that does open up an entirely new avenue for me to test out. I think the story can turn out beautifully with the WAFFy ending everyone wants. Or it could turn out the way I envision it to, which can lead to a potential next arc in Kanako Tohya's mad, mad story but is definitely as depraved and as warped as the revised end of Yuki's Diary.

Aside from that, my aforementioned untitled fiction project is going along nicely. I've come to dislike the fantasy fiction genre over the years, mainly because everything seems to stem from Tolkien. Every author after him has ripped off his interpretations of elves, dwarves, and even ripped off the halflings, his original creations. I'm sick of it. Dungeons and Dragons come very, very close to being original, if only because you can custom-craft the setting to your tastes, even if the races are still Tolkien-rips. Still, I can't fault Dungeons and Dragons too much, especially since they developed the Ravenloft campaign setting, the most original treatment of fantasy I've seen in years. My project is likely as much fantasy as it is supernatural, though the way things are set up, it is very different from Tolkien fantasy.

Gaming-wise, I'm still in Final Fantasy VI. I just lost Terra as she flew out screaming in Esper form, so I've decided to take my time and try to level up my characters first. I'm thinking level 20 before they actually begin a formal search for Terra would be appropriate. As of now, I'm planning on building up my final team: Celes, Terra (absent), Cyan, and Sabin. I'll level up the others as well, but I don't think I'll be focusing on them. Thinking of replacing Cyan with Shadow later on, or maybe Edgar. Locke doesn't fit my overall plan, though I'm sure he'll come in handy in a few battles. Whichever seems the more appropriate choice. Certainly, there's an intense level of thinking involved in Final Fantasy VI since it does matter who you bring along to a fight.

My brother has finally reached Disc 3 of Final Fantasy VII. He's only level...51 or so, so I'm bugging him to get in a few fights and level up. Maybe take on the Weapons. Of course, part of me wants him to finish now, so I don't have to ever have to look at that stupid game again. Ever.

Anyway, back to work. May add more later on.

Oh, for those who are wondering. The reason why so little of my personal life makes it to this is because I don't really have much of a personal life. Not since I left Ambergris Solutions. I don't think I've ever fit in so well anywhere else, except among the voices of the characters I've created that play out in my head. Or on some parts of the Internet. So there.

It Settles

Well, the malevolent storm in my head has finally settles down and I can think straight (more or less) again.

Not much to say, except that I've decided to re-tool XI for the contest over at Tuxedo Jack's place. I've also gotten to the third part of it, as well as edited Yuki's Diary to serve as a prequel (or something) to it. It'll all tie in eventually. I took XI and Akatsuki off of FictionPress and I don't intend to ever write anything for that site again.

Anyway, links to part 2 and 3 on deviantART, as well as the link to the thread the story's on:

Part 2

Part 3

Tuxedo Jack thread

In the thread, you'll even see a slight progress timeline of just how chaotic my concept of this piece actually is. It'll also likely serve as a more accessible archive for the whole thing, as it'll be divided into parts on my deviantART account, which makes for a rough reading experience.

Also, I've been playing Final Fantasy VI a lot lately, while my brother is intent on finishing Final Fantasy VII solely because of Yuffie Kisaragi. Interestingly, the only reason I actually bothered to finish Final Fantasy VII even once was because of Yuffie. I thoroughly enjoyed Yuffie's presence in Kingdom Hearts 2 and I think she and Leon (*cough*Squall*cough*) make an excellent couple. She's certainly better for him than, say, Rinoa or Quistis. Come to think of it, Yuffie would make a great match for Cloud. Or Terra from Final Fantasy VI. Speaking of which, more FFVI characters should appear in Kingdom Hearts, for as long as they don't ruin them.

That's all for now. Back to work, playing Final Fantasy VI, and writing XI.

Decisions, Decisions

I've made a couple of decisions.

First, since Tuxy's allowing original fiction into his contest, I'm throwing my hat in. I know I won't win and even if I do, it won't do me much good but I think I should enter anyway. I'm afraid I've forgotten how to write WAFF (warm and fuzzy feelings for the unaware) and a contest is the best way (for me) to get back in that particular aspect of the game. Granted, he's right in saying it might become darkWAFF but it might not. Nothing ever goes according to plan for me and this contest isn't likely to become an exception to the rule.

Second, I've decided to decrease focus on XI for a bit. I actually want to focus on my contest entry for the time being and writing XI at the same time isn't good for that. I'll add bits and pieces to XI as I go along but don't expect me to focus on it as much as before. Still, the fact that only one "part" of the thing has been completed so far gives me some comfort. I am thinking of removing it completely from FictionPress, however, since I really should stop putting stuff up on the site. To be frank, I think I should take down all my written works there. The site is just too big and too open to be effective in its purpose. However, I think I'll only remove the ones I posted after I left the site, namely: XI and Akatsuki. deviantART gets to keep XI however, as I intend to update it there somewhat infrequently. I trust it more than FP. I'm also thinking of putting XI up on Tuxy's forums, for no good reason.


Other things:

I'm actually looking forward to Pacquiao-Morales III. I'm no sports fan but there are some things that, as a Filipino, you can't help but get swept into. There's Batista of the WWE, who's half-Filipino. There's the infamous Ateneo-La Salle rivalry that plays out every year in the UAAP (college basketball for the foreigners who are unaware). There's Django Bustamante and Efren 'Bata' Reyes, billiards champions who I've had the pleasure of meeting in person. And of course, the aformentioned Pacquaio-Morales III fight. To be honest, I didn't actually show much interest in the first fight but the second one made me want to see what all the hype was about. It was the moment Morales got knocked out that I got it.

Now that I'm off the Love Hina Fanboy War hook for good, I can finally completely, 100% turn my back on fanfiction. I won't deny I had a decent run but I won't go back to it. As far as I'm concerned, I can finally free myself of that constraint. Though I'm still intent on helping out Star Otaku with her fanfic, for as long as she wants me to. It has been a long, long time since she started that and, to be honest, I was interested in it then and I'm interested in it now.

Oh well, back to work.

A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That

I've finally gotten around to playing Final Fantasy VI again, though I'm still finishing up on Alisa's scenario in Front Mission 3. I know I loved Front Mission 3 the first time around but I never realized just how much depth the game had until this, my second run through. Much fun to be had, especially since you get the chance to rig the Miss Teihoku contest bit so she wins. Though, I have to admit, Hodaka's a lot cuter than Alisa is. As for Final Fantasy VI, I finished it once but I never got around to getting everything and completing every little detail of it. I certainly wasn't as thorough with that game as I was with...Final Fantasy VIII or Legend of Dragoon, for example.

XI is proceeding sluggishly, but it is being worked on. I get to write bits and pieces at a time, so I'm not sure how the pacing is going to come out. I'm still on the second scene of the story, where I introduce an old friend from Yuki's Diary - the only major character of that story to have actually survived. I'm not entirely sure to go with the original plan and make XI a direct sequel to Yuki's Diary or to go in an entirely new direction and only make the YD character a presence in the overall plot (or lack of plot) of XI. In any case, I have plenty of time to settle on that.

I recently read about the love-themed fanfic writing contest on Tuxy's forums and, frankly, I'm tempted to join, even if I know that I can't win and that even if I somehow do, I won't get my hands on the prizes. Tempting because, well, for the Hell of it, really. But then, I realize that would be tantamount to both spitting in the face of the original author of whatever show I pick from and turning my back on my own convictions on the matter. Vae Victis is an exception, as it was started before I made my decision and I have to finish it - even if what everyone else gets is merely a rough outline of what's supposed to happen and how it was supposed to end. I'll consider biting into the contest, if only to see how things go before I get sick of myself.

I realized that, in my life, nothing ever seems to go according to plan. Nothing. Is that wrong? I guess some would say its a sign of my being a random figure, or something like that. The accurate term escapes me at the moment. For example, when I wrote Shinjo No Aijo, against the logical flow of the story, the final pairing for the main character was not what is seen in the story. It was supposed to be one of the androids. When I wrote the Love Hina shoujo-ai fanfic Black and White, Kanako and Motoko were not supposed to have a happy ending. Kanako was slated to die in her duel with Shinja and Motoko would leave Hinata Sou, never to return there or to her home in Kyoto. The final scene was supposed to be one where Keitaro thinks he spots someone near his sister's grave that looks vaguely like Motoko. It also would have opened up the way for a sequel, where Shinobu and Motoko meet again after a decade has passed. That idea got...modified into my Shinobu/Kanako fic, Angel Light, Angel Dark. I had planned to stay in Ambergris Solutions until my contract was up and beyond, but I changed my mind because, frankly, the company didn't pay me enough to put up with the bullshit that Dell was making me put up with. I wasn't a fool and I wasn't going to hang around long enough for Dell to turn me into one.

So, the question now becomes "why can't I stick to a plan?" I honestly don't know. I hardly ever manage to accomplish a plan, unless it involves buying something, in which case, it happens regularly enough. Of course, I don't really plan on buying anything - most of my purchases are spur of the moment, or brought about by a last-minute realized need. Funny, that. Maybe I just need to be more organized or something. I mean, even this entry (and all other entries) in the blog are unplanned, random bits of chaos. Maybe this all stems from my belief that the ultimate, underlying principle of existence is chaos, that everything (even the laws of nature and science) stems from it.

In other thoughts, I don't know whether to be happy or not with the news that only 5 people from Dell ABU Batch 5 remain in Ambergris Solutions. I should be happy because, if I recall correctly, none of us really felt like we were cut out for the job, or liked the job, or were being paid enough to put up with the job. Of course, my recollection of that is a little hazy since I spent most of my time either adjusting to my teammates or with Grace. Then again, I tend to do that everywhere I go - except for my current workplace, Intelligraph, but that's a different situation. I think I should be sad about the Dell ABU situation because, well, I think it must get lonely for the last 5 sometimes. Even in the short time we knew each other, we bonded really well. I've never felt like I belonged in any group more than I did there, so it does seem a bit of a downer for me to hear that we've all been scattered across the call center/outsourcing world.

I guess, at the very least, I still have contact with them. And the old album at Photobucket. Always a good place. I also still have access to Grace's Photobucket account (because I set it up for her) and her e-mail. I also have cell #s for most of them, though contacting them can be a little difficult since I'm a daywalker now but most of them are still nocturnal. I'll find a way around that.

Well, I really should get back to work now. Wasted enough time already, not that I actually need that time, though.

Done. Sort of.

Well, I uploaded it to FictionPress and deviantART, anyway. XI, that is. I considered retaining the title sanctuary but I opted for tradition instead, sticking to the slightly eponymous naming system of the original Yuki's Diary. So I decided to use XI, the nickname that the narrator of the story uses. The main reason she calls herself XI is...I haven't come up with a name for her yet. Her name just has to be perfect for her personality, so I figure I'd write the story first and get to know her as it goes along rather than force a name on her and force the narration to conform to my perception of that name.


deviantART version

FictionPress version

Due to submission guidelines, in the event that more adult-themed scenes make it into the story, I'll put up an edited version on deviantART, while FictionPress get's the unedited version.

I think my addiction to deviantART picture raiding has faded a bit. I've managed to take any and all pictures that I've found even remotely interesting and I'm just finishing up on a few that I didn't take before at the moment. I have a couple of specific fetishes I wouldn't mind having more pics of on my HD but they're not major interests, so I don't think I'll be delving too deep into those fields. Also, deviantART can't help me find the CGs of the infamous, the legendary Yukirin of Japan. A few mentions are made but those are mostly by deviants looking for her.


Oh, how I miss Snow Apple.


Well, let us move on then.

I've started to play Front Mission 3 again, taking on the scenario I missed the first time around: Alisa's story. Part of me is sorry in missing out on Moneymaker (she's my favorite character from then Emma scenario, you see, even though everyone else finds her annoying) but I'm hoping the other characters can compensate for that loss. I'm too lazy to actually have to work as hard as I did the first time through though, so I thought I'd use a few quick cheats to make it easier on me. I've also re-started Castlevania: Symphony of the Night all over again. I can't seem to tire of that game, or Aria of Sorrow.


And I can't believe my brother is playing that piece of shit Final Fantasy VII.

I take all the blame.

Oh well, not much to say for now. Back to work.

Still Going...

...and I intend to keep going until somebody's teeth rots. Does not have to be mine.

I'm still writing my story, temporarily titled Sanctuary, though that is subject to change at anyg given moment, to any number if seemingly appropriate things. I've decided to take out any and all non-contemporary elements from the plot, save for the hints that the Asahina family's girls are not "normal" and that the possibly-but-not-exactly supernatural nature of the student in the Black Room. Since I've got a free day tomorrow, I'll likely upload the first segment of it in deviantART and FictionPress, as well as update LHFBW: Vae Victis on Tuxedo Jack's forum. I'll probably put up Sanctuary here, as well. Since I'm actually focusing on those two, I think it has helped me focus my creative energies on them.

Vae Victis is a refreshing activity for me since, in all my works and ideas, the LHFBW world is one of two where I feel I can play around to an insane degree, allowing me to execute some very strange concepts and ideas. The nature of the LHFBW setting makes it so that I can pretty much throw anything in and toss in a half-assed explanation and it'll still make perfect sense. The only other setting I've created that allows me that much freedom in tossing in ideas and concepts is my old H2GH (Hitchhiker's Guide To Hell) concept, which is a little something I use in private. It performs the same function, though none of the text of the H2GH file will ever see the light of Internet day, though some of the concepts (Vae Victis' Dimensional Barrens, Yuki's Diary's sociopathic Kanako Tohya) have been modified to suit my other works.

I've been doing a little research on Japanese mythological creatures, like the yuki-onna and the yurei. I don't think I'll be using that knowledge soon, though I find it comforting to know that they'll be somewhere in the Incomprehensibly Convoluted Data Sector that is my laptop HD when I decide to use it.

I think my technical writing skills are improving, though only slightly. Certainly, my ability to write articles is getting better but some of the conventions of writing articles and essays don't apply when writing fiction, particularly first-person fiction. I've always opposed adhering strictly to grammatical rules when writing first-person and character's lines. That's because I feel that by adhering to every rule of grammar there is in such situations, I take away a sense of natural-ness and huamnity from it. When people think, it isn't grammatically correct in every way. Thoughts are lucid and free-from, contrained only by enough grammar rules to make it easy for others to understand. Same concept applies to conversations. Is it any wonder, then, that I like first-person so much? Not only does it free me from a number of constraints, it also let me babble on incoherently, provided it falls within the character's personality and nature to do so.

Still, I do recognize the limitations of first-person, as well as the variety of pitfalls that a writer can fall into when using it. One aspect of third-person I've always had difficulty separating from when I write first-person is omniscience, or partial omniscience, in my case. It makes my narrator sound like a mind-reader when I do, though I have a tendency to do it without my even noticing.

Now that I think about it, consistency in POV might be a problem for me as well. I tend to jump between first and second-person whenever I am writing a story with first-person as the POV. That mainly happens when I feel like making the narrator conversational (to a degree) with the reader. Now, in Sanctuary and in Yuki's Diary, I'd immediately added bits and pieces to the early parts that signify that the narrators are aware that, at some point, someone else is going to end up reading what's been written down, giving me a sort-of-excuse.

Finally, I admit I have difficulty with tenses. When in third-person, I have a tendency to jump from past tense (which is the standard I use) to present tense, particularly when a character is doing something. While it is a forgivable and understandable error, considering the complex weave and nature of my fiction, I have difficulty tolerating it afterwards. When in first-person (which also uses the past tense, due to the diary format I utilize), a variant of this problem crops up. I have difficulty describing people and surroundings in the present tense. Actions are no problem when I write in first-person but descriptions? I always have to remind myself to write in present tense when describing something since, again due to the nature of my diary format preference, appearances are current, the "now," if you will. Yes, I know the last sentence did not make much sense. Deal with it.


Well, in any case, I haven't become delusional enough to believe I'll get any work of mine published anyway, so I guess I can relax my own personal standards a bit. Just a bit. Still, I feel like I owe it to myself to make them as close to perfection as possible, even though it'll hurt like Hell while I do.

***insert abrupt change of topic sign here***

My brother has become addicted to Front Mission 3. Finally, I managed to get him interested in a video game that isn't a fighting or adventure game. Nothing's wrong with fighting or adventure games but I do want him to get a feel for other, deeper genres. I'm convinced that his one-time addiction to Final Fantasy VIII was a fluke, as he went right back to the various Castlevania games (Aria of Sorrow, Harmony of Dissonance, Symphony of the Night, Circle of the Moon) I have after I uninstalled FF8. He showed an affinity for Final Fantasy Tactics Advance one and seems interested in Final Fantasy Tactics as well, not to mention playing an evil PC in Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn but, by and large, he's preferred games like Halo and Threads of Fate over anything else. Oh well, at least I convinced him to give Metroid: Fusion and Metroid: Zero Mission shots.

As for me, I'm going to play fighting games for a bit, just to relax, before I go back to Final Fantasy VI. A little King of Fighters '98 (my favorite of the series so far) and Guilty Gear XX does a mind good. Not to mention a systematic destruction of my Final Fantasy VII CDs, which I can't believe I actually bought. The game is garbage.

WORST. FINAL. FANTASY. EVER.

For parting notes, I've finally re-watched the following movies:
1. Eko Eko Azarak
2. Battle Royale
3. Ring 0: Birthday

Much fun. And I introduced my brother to the phrase "bring on the ultra-violence!" Hehe. After having him watch BR with me, he's come to like Girl#11, Souma Mitsuko, too.

P.S. Pardon the ads. Couldn't help myself. Wanted to try them out.

Tick-Tock

I am really...

BORED.

I've managed to drain my brain for all the things I want pictures of and managed to drain deviantART of any pictures of said things that I like. I'm really picky when it comes to my collection, you see. I have lost any and all inclination to enjoy the topics I'm being thrown at work. Mainly because they're the same thing over and over again, just with mildly different keywords (example: "RV motor" home one day, "motor home RV" the next). Even when I'm occupying my mind by concocting scenes for my current fiction project, I still feel a touch of emptiness and boredom. About the only thing right now that gets my juices flowing is Douglas Adams' The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide, where I am currently in So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish. Possibly the ideas running through my head about my project are keeping me from snapping as well, though only minimally.

Actually, now that I think about it, a lot of things about one of the characters in that piece, Kotone, is a poorly designed tribute to Adams' most famous work. She always carries a towel and a copy of the first book around in her bag. She has used the word "floopy" at least twice in the text so far. She also keeps her small notebook of poetry locked away, comparing it to Vogon poetry. Finally, she has an emotional fixation on Trillian and Random (Frequent Flyer Dent, that is). Interpret that statement as you will. Very strange, that. No other book or series of books has ever had such a prominent presence in my work.

Anyway, I've decided to fill my head (and, consequently, this post) with random thoughts:

1. Namco really needs to bring Jun Kazama back. Asuka is nice and all but she doesn't feel the same.

2. I am hoping that Final Fantasy XIII will bring the series back to the glory days it had before Final Fantasy VII dropped the ball.

3. I miss Battle Arena Toshinden. Especially Ellis.

4. I hope J.K. Rowling dies before she completes her Harry Potter books.

5. There should be a Predator 3 movie.

6. I hate cars.

7. God hates me.

8. Mister Siniser. Best. Comic book. Villain. Ever.

I Just Figured Out Something

At the risk of sounding like some pompous fool, I seem to have developed a very Douglas Adams-ish writing and narration style. Take note, narration and not narrative. Very different things, since if I said narrative, it would imply that my work reflects the general high-quality humor, wit, satirical idiosyncrasies, and quality of Douglas Adams' work. No, as much as I'd love to delude myself, that is not the case.

Having no actual grasp of the rules of English grammar, my work tends to violate little rules like tense consistency, regulations on the use of pronouns, and assorted other little tidbits. Funny thing is, I don't give a damn if I do. For as long as I judge the work as readable and understandable, I could care less that I've got a sentence that has as many words as Paris Hilton has had men between her legs, or somesuch. Granted, my written grammar is passable enough but frankly, it buckles under close scrutiny. Yet, when examined, Adams makes many of the same mistakes I, and several other aspiring damned...err, novelists, make. Besides, grammar hardly seems to be the main concern when writing fiction, for crying out loud. Part of a trait (I refuse to call it a flaw!) that my writing shares with Adams is the fact that, at times, we can be damn convoluted and write in a manner that is almost, but not entirely, unlike mad scribbles. And yet, in context, they make perfect sense.

Of course, that doesn't do much comfort for me when I'm writing non-fiction, apparently. My new job entails something a little more formal, less Adams-ish. Sad, really. Anyway, my style is starting to really grate on the higher-up's satisfaction with my work output. Naturally, they ask for revisions without realizing the pseudo-allusion to one of the writing style of one of the greatest writers of all time. Naturally, the mere idea of revisions repulses me. Well, not quite exactly. You see, I don't mind revising little spelling slips and errors in grammar but to ask me to re-write an entire paragraph because it lacks "parallelism" or somesuch nonsense is irking for me. They conceded it was still readable and even a little entertaining but I still needed to re-write it. From scratch. Stupid, really. Quite stupid. Annoying too. Especially if, like me, every revision you make (regardless of how, what, why, and anything else) will inevitably make the document come out worse with every revision. Theory of Entropy in practice, folks. I don't mind being asked to revise something because there were problems and weaknesses in the text but, for the love of the Almigthy Bob, can you at least point out exactly what went wrong and not have me guessing where I broke this rule or that?

Still, you do what you are told because it is your job.

I actually rather enjoy my job, apart from the dismal pay, the shoddy equipment, the requests for revision on perfectly acceptable articles, and the general but constant dullness of having to write about the same thing over and over again in a thousand and one different ways from the first (none of which actually exist). There are only so many ways you can spin the words "RV motor home" without feeling as if you're Marvin, the Paranoid Android.

Or worse.

In any case, I take comfort in the fact that I can surf the Internet from work with no restrictions. Which means unlimited time to raid Photobucket and deviantART for new pictures to add to my ever expanding, constantly being streamlined collection. This includes artwork of things or characters I hadn't even considered compiling into my PC until recently, including some of the cutest renditions of Tricia "Trillian" McMillan, from H2G2 or pictures of a dominatrix, oddly. It also lets me update from work and, amidst the sounds of hammering away at keyboards, doing so hardly attracts any undue attention. The question of whether or not this privilege is actually making the job (and all attached frustrations) worthwhile is...questionable.

Moving on...

I still haven't gotten far with my new story, though details are popping into my head nicely. I'm considering taking a cue from the movie Heavenly Creatures and give the narrators (3 of them now) a little fantasy world for them to play around in. If not implemented, the elements of that fantasy world could be adapted into another story, though I would rather not do fantasy since I no longer enjoy literature in the genre, stagnating as it is.

My opinion on fantasy literature has gone down because the genre itself is inbreeding. High fantasy always contains the same repetition of Tolkien-inspired (or Tolkien-ripped) races of high elves, dark elves, humans, etc. Fantasy still relies too much on the "find itme X to stop villain B/catastrophe C" concepts and it is dull as Hell. There is hardly any variation, hardly any imagination anymore. Most fantasy books nowadays are disappointing, which is not the case with the genre's cousin, sci-fi. At the very least, sci-fi is still coming up with interesting books, though most are, like fantasy, fast becoming formulaic in execution and concept.

Think about it.

The last truly, truly good fantasy book I've ever seen is Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings series, though the Wheel of Time series is also a good one, as are The Song of Fire and Ice series and the Discworld books. However, take a look at rest. Garbage. The Magic: The Gathering novels would be nice if they had better plots but right now, they only represent great potential.

Now, the science fiction end of the spectrum.

Take Star Wars and Star Trek out of your head. There are some truly excellent sci-fi books out there, not least among them are Frank Herbert's Dune books. Even the prequel books and the sequel books (which I consider both inferior and non-canon) are excellent works. There's also Snow Crash (I think that's the title) or Ender's Game. Several of the Bablyon 5 novels are also good. I also find The Fortunate Fall to be a good read, though it isn't a particularly memorable one.

Besides, sci-fi doesn't have garbage like Rowling's Harry Potter books to drive home the degeneracy of the genre...

Anyway, back to work. More or less.

A Thousand And One Inconveniences!!!

Okay, maybe not that many, but still..

First off, I can never seem to find a perfect, working mouse. My optical mouse at home double clicks by itself. Yes, I am looking to have that fixed or checked or something. My mouse at work is the old school mouse, the one with the damn ball. Unfortunately, no matter how much I clean the inside, the 5 years' worth of abuse and grime has taken its toll. Unless I find some way of moving the mouse that almost constitutes as physical assault, it won't move past the halfway point of the damn screen. Stupid rat.

Speaking of work-related inconveniences, let me explain about the "keyword" garbage I have to deal with. Well, not so much the need for keywords to be inserted into the text but more...the frequency of it. I can understand having to slip it in once or twice but...let me put it this way, you know those Internet ads? The ones that get a lot of search engine results because they've got good grammar and repeat a certain set of words a lot? That's what I have to make on a daily basis. What annoys me is that we're generally required to slip in the keyword in a specific pattern. Even when we're writing news. Without going into details because that would be bad for my contract, let me just say that there are only so many ways you can sneak the words "global trade deals" into a news story, especially if the source never even mentions those words. Not even once. Don't even get me started on the keywords that have atrocious grammar.

I am annoyed at the lack of fanart for several of the Castlevania monsters. That series has some of the best monster designs I've ever seen and it is a shame that they don't show up in fanart circles more often. There's the Venus Weed (or the Alura Une variant in Aria of Sorrow). Or the Frozen Shade. Hell, I'll even take fanart of the Diplocephalus or the Valkyrie. As long as it isn't the Succubus. I have seen enough of those to last me a long time, believe me. Death. We need more Death fanart.

Has anyone ever noticed how time seems to flow...differently at certain jobs? Back in my Circuit City and Dell Customer Care days, time seemed to flow inexplicably slow. I swear, a week felt more like 2 weeks back then. Now, however, a week...feels less than that. I know it doesn't feel as long as it did when I was working call centers, nor do they drag on (in my mind) as they did when I was still in college. Funny, that. I'll have to come up with some sort of bad logic theory to explain that away.

Writing wise, I'm a slug but I'm still at it. Re-worked the concept for YD, threw away the old cast in favor of a new one, and I think I'm all set. Thinking of having 2 narrators and adding a whole box of weird fantasy and sci-fi themed knick-knacks into the mix, just for kicks. Like girls popping out of giant roses, or a girl with purple eyes and purple hair who is genetically superior to everyone else in the damn story. Or maybe I'll stick with a mundane, somewhat realistic setting and just include the oddities for the weird imagination of one of the characters? Or to make people think I'm high as a kite while I write it. Whichever seems more fun for me.

And I have got to start sketching again.

Random...No, Not Arthur Dent's Kid

Judging from the title, you have probably guessed that I have finally gotten myself to go through my copy of The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide, by Douglas Adams. Good set of books. Funny as Hell.

Also, I found this:
I am worth $1,918,332 on HumanForSale.com

Funny, that.

Anyway, I had plans to write something over the weekend and, for a bit, I did. It isn't long, but it is a start. After re-reading Yuki's Diary, I think I finally caught on to just what made me write it for so long in the first place. It was fun, chief. With that in mind, I decided to try and take another crack at the concept. Granted, YD was too gratuitously lesbian-ized (hehe) for my current tastes and frankly, I don't think I tried hard enough to make it feel like I wasn't some sort of perverted chauvinist. I'm sure at least one female reader of the story got that feeling while she was going through...the first paragraph?

I've played around with the thought of re-writing it but I already converted it into a PDF, which means that it stays as-is. So, in retaliation, I decided to re-tool the concept and give the core idea another go, minus the excessive lesbian sex. I haven' even decided on the main character's name yet, so that may or may not be a good sign. While I don't plan on having a murderous, sociopath as a love interest for the narrator, in keeping with YD tradition, she will have a female love interest. That girl's name is decided. Now, the cast will be solely female and I will attempt to draw diversity (personality-wise) into them. I think I'll go for a "less sex, more tension" feel to this, though I won't make any promises. And the actual time it takes place in is also a question for me. So far, what I've written ahs not gone into anything terribly specific but I'm considering making in somewhat futuristic, with one of the characters being genetically superior. She's supposed to be faster, stronger, and prettier than the others and genetic alteration seems like the easiest explanation. Not sure if I'll use it though, since that brings up the question of why the others aren't modified. Also, the use of cosmetic modifications (like hair color) came into my mind, if only to allow me more flexibility in hair and eye colors than the stereotypical Asian colors of black and various shades of brown. Or I could just say they came from a bottle/genetic abnormality, but that only works on the hair and only if I use naturally occuring eye colors. Hmm...

Well, I'll just have to keep hammering at it. Maybe I'll find some sort of compromise to it. Radiation-caused mutations, maybe?

Oddly, despite everything, I feel...sad. Melancholic. Depressed. It all seems...pointless now. I love writing and I love what I'm writing outside of work (inside work is a different matter) but in the end, I'm starting to doubt if I'm going to enjoy them once they're done. And I don't know why but, oddly, that bottle of vodka and those sleeping pills are beginning to look mighty friendly...

P.S.

I hate this whole "keywords" bull-crap that I have to deal with in my new job. And my hatred for cars and motorcycles and RVs now has expanded to cover the thousand-and-one ways to babble endlessly about the pointless, stupid ways to finance a purchase of one.

Another Post From Work

Well, here I am again. Posting from work. Not much to say, save the fact that I opened up a deviantART account. Those of you who know me know that I cannot draw a face to save my life and my sketching ability is...well...sketchy at best. That, and I don't have a scanner. Still, one of these days, maybe I'll sketch something worth putting up there. For now, I've managed to only upload 2 "deviations." First is Angel of Temptation, a piece I wrote back in college that still hasn't managed to die down. I'd considered expanding it into a full-blown novel but I can't decide what approach to take. Second piece up there is Celia Morgan, which was supposed to have been part of a collection of similarly themed fantasy stories that would have been the background for a fantasy setting I was working on. Needless to say, neither the collection nor the setting ever really got past the initial planning stages.

I'd complain about certain aspects of work but not now. I'll do that when I have more time to consolidate my constant whining into a more...cohesive narrative.

*sigh*

Not much here. I miss Exploitation Now. Jordan Kennedy was cute.

Update 1.1.1

Well, work isn't too bad. Sure, I'm stuck with a lousy keyboard and a braindead mouse but I'm not really minding it. The PCs suck big time (my first desktop was faster to be honest) and th OS feels both alien and unfriendly. I actually enjoy the work most of the time and the free internet connection while at work is really nice too. People aren't that bad, though I still don't know the names of most of them. And, since I have some degree of control over how long I stay in this place, I have more time to create, write, and play.

Speaking of games, I just finished Threads of Fate, for both characters. While I would reluctantly agree that Rue is the more "protagonist-like" character and has the more serious storyline, I actually prefer Mint's scenario over his. For one thing, Mint is more likable than Rue is (or most Squaresoft/Square-Enix characters made around and after her time). She's dominating, persistent, cocky, greedy, and damn interesting. She makes for a much more entertaining character than ever-brooding Rue. Funny, though. The dynamic and differences between the 2 characters vaguely reminds me of the differences between Angel (Rue) and Spike (sort of like Mint) from the Buffy The Vampire Slayer and Angel TV shows. Although, to be honest, the dynamic between Mint and her sister Maya is far more entertaining than any character relationship I've seen in any Squaresoft/Square-Enix title so far. Sad that there was never any sequel to this and that there aren't enough fans of the game. I actually found it to be more appealing than FFVIII once I beat the game, although it could use more save points. And, though I am likely alone in all this, I think there's potential for Mint/Maya shojo-ai...

You know how sometimes you plan something and then, through some insane machinations, it falls apart? Something like that happened to me. I was intent on constructing a cosmology that was rather expansive, to say the least. The idea was that every fictional world was, in of itself, a universe. Some of these universes are related or connected on some level, be it critical or superficial. Sort of like how CLAMP has turned all their creations into a single multiverse, so it was to be with my creation. Only, there isn't just one multiverse. There's a lot of them and each one is connected to the other only through a remnant fabric from before they came to exist: The Void. Any being with sufficient power could, theoiretically, open a portal to The Void and escape the confines of their multiverse. However, to accomplish that requires both the ability to travel within one's own multiverse as well as the nature of one's power being independent of their universe.

Powers that work in one won't work in another. So, let's say you're a Malakite of Creation with all the Attunements and Distinctions. You somehow end up in the D&D world. You'll find that there is no Symphony in that world and as such, your powers don't work. The source of your power has to be independent of your world. Of course, I left in ways to do that.

Once you've been to The Void, however, it becomes apparent that there is a place that holds it all together. At the very center of the collection of multiverses, known as Existence, is a place that is known as The City That Cannot Exist. Simply put, it takes the role of Sigil from D&D: Planescape but expands it so it has doors to multiverses, not realms or planes.

It all seemed like a good idea and it allowed me, in the event that Hell becomes a prime vacation spot, a chance to consolidate any and all fictional worlds together without much hassle. Essentially, the nature of it was contrived to make impossible crossovers more plausible. After all, Kenshin Himura (Rurouni Kenshin) teaming up with Squall Leonhart (Final Fantasy VIII) to take on Sarevok (Baldur's Gate), Doll Master (Threads of Fate), and Victoria Ash (Vampire: The Masquerade) doesn't seem at all plausible when one looks at their individual worlds. However, the idea fell apart. Granted, I'm using it in the LHFBW and intend to create some sort of document to flesh it out in detail for no good reason, but that isn't what it was intended for.

The real plan behind it was to create a story using beings from The City That Cannot Exist, to show how their lives are and how they see the multiverses that they alone have completely free access to. I even had the five races lined out: the shapeshifting Lilim, the magically-inclined Baali, the master psionics known as the Hellions, the mentally unstable and magic-devouring Wraiths, and the not-too-bright but magically-immune Aeons. The cosmology has found use but what about the creatures? Well, they're not going to waste either. I'm reviving my old Charity city idea for them, adapting them to suit a setting more confined to the world as we know it. Of course, I had to make concessions. The Lilim I cut down from hundreds to just 9, for one thing.

Still, it isn't all bad. If I can't have Mint/Maya in Threads of Fate, I'll have some semblance of it in Charity.

That's it for today, I guess. I better get back to doing what I do best: being lazy.

Well

Again, not much to say. I think I've adjusted to my new job quite well. Playing Threads of Fate and Darkstalkers 3 rather obsessively.

Oh, just re-watched the first season of Desperate Housewives too.

A Few Things

I seem to be having troubles of an unknown nature lately.

I can’t put my finger on it and I can’t really figure out why but I have a distinct feeling that something is very, very wrong. It feels like I’ve somehow gotten myself involved in something I shouldn’t have had. I don’t know why but something just doesn’t feel right at all. Ever had that feeling?

No, I’m not talking about that sinking feeling you get when something is about to go wrong. I’m talking about feeling as if something is wrong but you have no idea what’s wrong or why. From all indications, there isn’t anything wrong. I’ve got a job, I’m working on another project, H2GC2 is going slowly but well and I’ve got my games. I haven’t had it this good in a long, long time. So what the Hell could be wrong?

Beats me, I haven’t the foggiest.

And that’s what bothers me. Why don’t I know what’s wrong? I normally do and that helps me out a lot but now that I don’t, I feel a bit unsettled. I like knowing things. I like having some degree of control over how my head works. But if I don’t know what’s wrong with something, that makes me lose a bit of control. I hate it when that happens. This doesn’t happen to me very often but when it does, I tend to really let it get on my god-damned nerves. It disrupts how I think, how I create.

In any case, I don’t think I’ll be putting up anything new until I figure out what the Hell is wrong and why. I’ll still work and I’ll still write my current pet project but as for the blog, I think I’ll be silent for a while. Not that it matters. Nobody reads this anyway.

On another note, I know I’m damned late but I’ve only recently discovered the twisted wonders of CLAMP’s xxxHOLiC and the sweetly magnificent The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Both have given me a warped little idea…

Nothing New To Report

See above. Just thought I'd put down that the project H2GC2 has been cancelled. There are better resources for potential call center applicants out there already. However, maybe a turn more in the direction of H2G2 is in order...hmm...

Place-Holder (Edit: EduNara Warning)

"Champions aren't made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them: A desire, a dream, a vision. They have to have last-minute stamina, they have to be a little faster, they have to have the skill and the will. But the will must be stronger than the skill."
- Muhammad Ali

Note: Quote will likely be removed when the real post is put up.

Note 2: Normally, I wouldn't bother with something like this but...

[Quote] Hi... I was quite intrigued by your entry since I was looking for some background info on Edunara. I am currently working as a call center supervisor for a US company based in Makati and was planning to make a career move by teaching instead. I came across an ad in jobstreet for English Online Teachers and that's when I began to google Edunara.
Your instinct tells you that there is something weird or not right about them, can you expound on this? I am planning to dropby on Friday and pass my resume. I would appreciate some early warning advice though...[/Quote]

I'd like to begin by telling you that if you sign up there from a call center supervisor job, you're essentially cutting your finances in half or less. I was an agent and what they offered me as allowance during training (you see, you don't get "paid" until you hit the floor) isn't even close to what I earned. That's without night differential computed in the mix. From what I understood of the workload, you'll be doing twice what the typical customer service agent does. If money is even at all a consideration for you, don't go. Stay where you are.

Beyond that, there's daily eliminations. And I mean daily. Now, if you're working in a call center, you shouldn't have a problem with the requirements of being able to think-on-your-feet or with the English grammar and syntax but they'll nail you on pace. They seem highly particular about how fast you talk. I normally don't have a problem with this but when they ask you to slow down to a snail's pace. I felt as if they were asking me to dumb down or something. Maybe it won't for you but I got the impression that they were insulting my intelligence.

Something I felt highly suspicious about was the atmosphere of the place. I can't pin it down but something was very, very wrong about the place. This is one of those things you're better off seeing for yourself. I only lasted a day's worth of training before I decided it wasn't the right place for me. Apparently, I came to that conclusion a little late since most of my co-workers (and, rumor is, one supervisor) turned it down right after the orientation.

Again, I don't know if this'll be a factor for you but the work environment is drastically different. There's a stricness in the hierarchy to the point that they actually give you a list of titles to use when addressing specific ranks/superiors. Your calls to your students are tightly scheduled and if you're even a minute late, they will complain. Then again, I got the impression that these Koreans will complain about damn near every little thing.

While I never actually signed a contract with them (they said they'd have us sign them if we pass the training), they did give us ample warning. Apparently, the "evictions" (as they called it) occur daily and even the slightest dip in your performance can get you the ax. No questions asked. Just leave.

If you're going there, I'm not going to stop you but be warned...from what I've seen on how they operate, I wouldn't go back there.

Top 10 Books

Well, as promised…my Top 10 favorite fiction books. As with my other Top 10 list, this is a temporary list. As I read more, books will be added and removed. I personally never saw the point of an ‘all-time’ list since, as new things are made, the list can be altered. This is true for films, video games, books and even something as mundane as shoes (if anyone ever bothered to make a Top 10 list for shoes). Sure, there will always be some that are rock-solid on the list such as Final Fantasy VII is for many console gamer’s list, stupid as that decision would be. But now I’m just ranting. On to the list!

Oh, I cannot help but mention this again: this is a list my current favorite fiction books.

10. The Bible (various authors): without a doubt, this book is both a magnificent piece of propaganda and a good work of fiction. Any idiot who actually believes this to be a religious book is…well, an idiot. I have to admit, I’m an opponent of religion in general and I save a particular distrust and dislike of the Catholic Church but this book is magnificent. It has everything. Sex, intrigue, violence, conflict. Certainly, there are a lot of things about it that are historically accurate but that doesn’t mean the book is actually a historical account. In the same way that the piece of garbage that is Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code is considered historical fiction, so is The Bible. It isn’t just historical fiction either. As previously mentioned, it is also the finest crafted piece of propaganda in human history, a cornerstone of the longest-running con in the world: Christianity! I’d like this more if it wasn’t constantly being claimed as a religious piece.

9. Belinda (Anne Rice): I love this book. This, for me, is Anne Rice before she turned back on her fans and on The Vampire Chronicles and The Lives of The Mayfair Witches. I don’t want to judge and if she wants to make the stupid decision of doing so for the purpose of joining some stupid religion, that’s her choice. Anyway, I personally think Anne Rice was at her best with this book. Belinda (the character, book) is, by far, the character I like most out of all of Rice’s creations, with the possible exception of Gabrielle De Lioncourt. She’s very endearing and, even though I have extreme difficulty relating to her on many levels, she isn’t what you’d expect after reading the summary at the back. The story itself if very sensual, very erotic but manages to avoid going into the trap that other erotic fiction falls into. I think, somewhere, it was realized that what’s implied and left to the imagination is far more sensual, more seductive than anything put into words on paper. It doesn’t hold the same scope or drama as, say, Queen of the Damned or Memnoch The Devil but it has a certain quality to it I find more appealing.

8. Sputnik Sweetheart (Haruki Murakami): Murakami is fast becoming my new favorite author. This is actually one of his shorter novels and the only one I’ve seen so far that has a female lead, a break from his usual mid-life crisis male salaryman leads. I actually relate to Sumire on a number of levels. I can easily see myself becoming almost a parody of her if I ever take my writing as seriously as she does. I can relate to her frustrations with her writing. She starts but seems unable to finish most of the time. I simply adore her personality and her many quirks since I actually found a lot of them in me. I also find little trouble relating to K, the narrator, because, like him, I know what it feels like to be just a friend to the girl you love. There’s a certain degree of electricity that gets me going when I read through the way the characters interact. I don’t know if this is just due to Murakami’s style, which differs from what I usually read, but I always have trouble putting his books down. I confess most of his fans find this book to be of lower quality than his others but I rather like it.

7. Dracula (Bram Stoker): the vampire novel, no questions asked. This is one of the finest examples of gothic horror there are. The atmosphere that Stoker creates, from the environs of Castle Dracula to the streets of London, is extraordinary. There is a sense of genuine terror whenever you read about an encounter with The Count in his numerous forms. It isn’t the vampire that got me interested in this book, it was the way things were presented. The Count is, in many ways, presented as an ultimate evil and is both a physically present villain and a representation of the darkness and corruption that human beings are capable of. There have been countless interpretations of this story, of this character but none have ever really managed to bring out the extraordinary mix of elegance, dominance, greed, lust and sheer presence that The Count exudes in the book.

6. The Phantom of The Opera (Gaston Leroux): without a doubt, the novel is significantly better than the musical. The Phantom is an incredible villain done with exquisite flair. As Dracula has that lord of the night sensibility to him, Erik exudes a sense of deseration, of loneliness and of inner powerlessness despite his dominance of the opera house that he haunts. He understands that society can never accept him and will always cast him away because of his deformities but in Christine Daae he sees a faint hope of finding some semblance of acceptance, of love. The Phantom longs for someone to end his loneliness, someone to share his world of endless night and infinite music with. In the end, isn’t the pursuit of love something so utterly human? I guess in a way, I think Erik was trying to seek a humanity he feels he lost or never had, through both his music and his pursuit of Christine. It isn’t the smartest idea in the world but it makes for a very sympathetic character, one that makes the novel quite memorable.

5. Carmilla (John Le Fanu): perhaps the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Carmilla is also the root of the stereotypical lesbian vampire. This is unusually short and at times, the style can be oddly fragmented but where it really shines is the way that Carmilla interacts with the narrator. There isn’t much of a grand mystery to it and she isn’t presented as being as cunning and as powerful an evil as The Count was but she has her own wicked charms. Like Dracula, Carmilla is slain at the end and like Dracula, her influence on the surviving characters can never be undone. Certainly, Dracula was scarier and was better written but one cannot help but be enamored by Carmilla’s rather dark charms. Also, I currently find the toned down sexual air of Carmilla to be more appealing than Dracula since so much vampire fiction has that sensuality and eroticism that it gets…boring. Here, there is definitely an attraction but I never got a sexual vibe out of it.

4. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden): this book is excellent from every angle I look at it. There’s really noothing I can add to what people have already said about the book and I won’t even try. There’s so much beauty in this book that I can’t figure out how to even begin explaining why I like it so much. Everything is described in vivid detail but not to the point that it chokes the reader, stifles the imagination. All of the characters, from the greedy Mother to the cruel, insecure Hatsumomo to the lead, the sublime and beautiful Sayuri are interesting and endearing, each playing a part in the well-oiled machine that is the narrative of this story. The movie adaptation, like most movie adaptations, was a disappointment when compared to the book but that’s to be expected. This one deserves a place on the bookshelf of any lover of good fiction and any praises it has garnered are well-deserved.

3. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebould): I can’t praise this book enough, I think. I initially thought it was some sort of horror story and, at the start, it does seem like one, with the narrator being dead and all. Yet, as I read on, I realized it wasn’t. I can’t really tell what genre this is. It isn’t a coming of age story since little Susie Salmon never gets the chance to do so. It isn’t a romance either though she does describe those relationships in the people she left behind. It isn’t horror and it isn’t a detective mystery since we know who did it to her; Susie herself reveals it to us pretty early on in the story. I honestly have no idea how to place this into a single category since it takes elements from a lot of things. All I know for sure is that it is an excellent story and it provides for an interesting perspective on how to narrate a story about people’s lives, which all too often are tainted by the narrator being part of the inside and not detached from it. It has an elegant simplicity that puts it above most other fiction today and I sincerely believe the longer things go, the more people will appreciate this book. Out of all the books in this list, The Lovely Bones is one of the two I think everyone should read at least once. This book deserves far more attention than it has gotten but we can thanks garbage like The Da Vinci Code and J.K. Rowling for that. Though, in a way, I’m thankful. A movie adaptation of this would be sorely disappointing anyway.

2. At The Mountains Of Madness (H.P. Lovecraft): one of the underlying themes of Lovecraft’s works is the insignificance of man and human concepts of morality. Yet, a main fixture of what has been added on to the so-called Cthulhu Mythos have been beings described as ‘gods’ when, in reality, this contradicts Lovecraft’s original ideas, his sort of anti-mythology. Perhaps in response to such, he wrote this piece and made clear that the Old Ones, the Elder Things and such were not divine beings but aliens with technology and biology far more advanced than our own. I’m not even sure what I like about this story, really. I enjoyed it when I first read it and I tend to agree with Lovecraft’s themes but I certainly don’t think this is his best work. The Dunwich Horror or maybe The Strange Case of Charles Dexter Ward have that honor. Still, I needed something that represented what the Mythos is all about and, for me, At The Mountains of Madness does a better job than the others.

1. The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy (Douglas Adams): I think my feelings on this book are best summed up by this quote from the book itself: DON’T PANIC. This story makes for some very interesting reading, if nothing else. The degree of absurdity in his work varies but the talent in his work doesn’t. If you didn’t chuckle the first time you read the description of how Vogon bureaucracy works or the stupidity of the Ravenous Bug Blatter Beast of Traal, then you don’t have a sense of humor. Amidst all this insanity, he also managed to weave a good amount of sensibility into the work. That is most evident early on in the story. The good sense, the good humor and the unorthodox approach to handling fiction all make the so-called Hitchhikers “trilogy” a must-read and the first book in it even more so. Unlike most science fiction, there isn’t any overwhelming moral argument or philosophical discussion of this or that technology. It is simply a fun ride filled with chaos, comedy, absurdity and the presence of some of the strangest, most endearing characters this side of Magrathea. Where would we be without the answer ‘42’? People have to read this book, even if this is the only book they’ll ever read in their lives. After all, the book is harmless. Mostly harmless.

And that’s that for this list. I’ll do a Top 10 favorite TV shows or video game characters next time around. Anyway, I’ll add some updates to this entry as well.

In terms of gaming, I’ve encountered a few problems. My copy of Lunar 2: Eternal Blue is faulty. It suffers from horrible slowdown at random locations and it makes for a less than enjoyable experience. While I intend to lay it through to the end, unless the slowdown problems clear up soon, I won’t be playing it with the same frequency as say…Thousand Arms. I won’t abandon it though. I’ve always liked the original and I’m determined to finish the sequel. Besides that, I’ve also started playing another SoTN again, just for kicks. I won’t be playing it as religiously as I did before but I don’t think I’ll be burning out the CD due to excessive use. I still haven’t found a working copy of LoD however. That’s a damn shame, really. I’m thinking of playing Legacy of Kain: Soul Reaver again since I never really finished it before. Sure, I have the script for all the games in the series somewhere in my HD but it doesn’t feel the same, you know?

Since I won’t be playing as often as I used to, that gives me more time to work on my writing. I’ve decided to drop my other ideas and put them into the ‘Unfinished Business’ folder on my system and work on an old idea of mine: a modern-day version of Dante’s Inferno. It has been a long, long time since I even considered the idea but right now, I think I’ll focus all my creative energies onto it until I finish. One thing Dante did that I know I can’t would be the focus on the tormented, on the sinners in Hell. I intend to go a different route and focus on the residents of Hell, the demons and devils of the place. I’m still undecided on how it should be structured and if I should make it seem as if there are prominent locations there but that’s secondary. The main allure of the original was the creative ways tht sinners were punished for their sins and I don’t intend to ignore that. I just need to refine my ideas on the matter a little more, add some spit-shine on it.

I’m reluctant to say I’ve found work again since…well, the last time I did that, it wasn’t pretty. For now, I’ll give it a week before I confirm where I’m working though, for privacy reasons, I can’t say what I do and who the company does it for. I admit the pay is lower than anything I’ve ever gotten but at least I have a degree of control over my hours. That’s always a plus.

Anyway, that should be all for today. Let me leave you with this wonderful quote from Douglas Adams:
“Writing is easy. You only need to stare at a blank piece of paper until a drop of blood forms on your forehead.”