And though I had slain a thousand foes less one,
The thousandth knife found my liver;
The thousandth enemy said to me,
'Now you shall die,
Now none shall know.'
And the fool, looking down, believed this,
Not seeing, above his shoulders, the naked stars,
Each one remembering.
--John M. Ford, The Final Reflection

The Asylum Director

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"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

God Hates Me.

Something’s been on my mind that shouldn’t be there lately.


Specifically, writing fanfiction. Again.

Now, as anyone who knows me is aware of, I’ve given up writing that a long time ago. The last fanfic I wrote (I use the term loosely) was The Phantom of the Hinata Opera. I don’t even consider that as something I wrote since the script was practically already written out for me, so in a way, the last real fanfic I wrote was…Angel Light, Angel Dark I believe. And now here I am, beta-reader to an LH fanfic centering around my favorite LH girl (arguably former favorite, really) Kanako Urashima and a “consultant” (not sure the term applies) to a GA fic that needs my input because it stems off of my sole GA fanfic, Rhapsody. This is all well and good but it has gotten my mind rolling back in that loathsome direction. I don’t want to end up writing fanfics again and putting up with the stupidity that is FFN but already Galaxy Angel fanfic ideas are overwhelming the spaces in my mind that should be reserved for original work. Mind you, I admit that if there’s one fandom that can possibly drag me kicking, screaming and cursing back to FFN and the spiral of Hell that is fanfiction writing, it has to be Galaxy Angel.There’s just so much you can work with in both the animé and the games, not to mention Mint and Milfeulle are so cute together. However, for now the urge is small but the fact that my head is occupied by GA fanfic ideas worries me a bit. Is this how it feels to knoe that dread Cthulhu is about to rise from his dream-death state to end humanity? Yeah, probably. Oh well. Time to join the local chapter of the Cthulhu Cult.

Now, moving on. I think I’ve finally nailed down what I want to do with my next story. Take out all the unrealistic details that appeal to the escapist fanboy in me and leave in a bare, vanilla high school setting. Well, not completely vanilla. Like everything else I’ve written, there has to be a degree of absurdity to it all that no one within the story pays much attention to. In Shinjo No Aijo, it was the all-too-human androids. In Yuki’s Diary, it was the fact that nearly none of the cast was straight. In this one? Well, the very location of the school setting would be the first one, though it sort of feels like I ripped it right out of Mai-HiMe or Mahou Sensei Negima. I won’t give out the details but let me just say that no one in their right mind would put a school where I’m putting it in the real world. I’m not really sure if I should make the main character (for now, her name is Celia Franboise) into a real lesbian or just someone going with the flow of things in the school. I also probably need an outside observer character, someone who isn’t swept in by the whims and fancies of the student body. Fortunately, I have just such a character in mind and, frankly, I’ve been saving Tarot Corbin for a bit now so about time she got her kicks in. Not quite sure if it should be played out as a love story or not but then again, such stories are hard to make exciting so I might go a different route at the least.

I think my next piece (tentative title being Scrapbook) should be written scene-by-scene. Such an approach will not only prove to be a lot easier on me than the chapter-by-chapter method I employed before. That means the length of each update will fluctuate unlike in the past, when my updates were consistent in terms of length. It also lets me determine what scenes to flesh out and what not to as I see fit and not be forced to stretch out some scenes that should be kept short because I need to fill in the page quota. The latter approach, though, seems more suited for the current trend towards maximalism in description and narration. Maybe that’s just my take on things though. In any case, my plan to do this scene-by-scene is going to be a little alien to me since it strikes me as being more fluid, more free-form than I’m used to. However, I still have to get past the hurdle of the starting paragraph. In many ways, the starting paragraph should ideally be independent of the rest of the story but it also, in my mind, sets up the all-important opening chapter. That, I hope, is a good thing. I never really know what is going to be a good thing until I’m done with whatever story it happens to be tried in. Turns out shojo-ai in my fiction is a good thing (Shinjo No Aijo) but full-blown, all-out yuri (Yuki’s Diary) is not. We’ll see.

In the gaming front, disappointment and frustration. My PC copy of Breath of Fire IV is busted at the Empire aqueduct part. As I thought about how to go about it next, I recalled my old collection of RPGs on the PS1. I dug it up and found Valkyrie Profile, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VIII, Final Fantasy VI, The Legend of Dragoon, Legend of Legaia, Breath of Fire IV, Lunar: Silver Star Story Complete and a whole bunch of others that I really miss. Since I never had and will never be able to afford a PS2, I only have a PS1 game library. Since my younger brother nuked the lens of my old console, I decided it was about time I dug up a PS1 emulator and started getting the old games out of the cabinet. Likely just a bunch of RPGs such as Valkyrie Profile and Chrono Cross, probably Castlevania: Symphony of the Night, Darkstalkers 3 and Tenchu 2: Birth of the Assassins as well since I already have FFVI on emulator and FFVIII on PC. No, never will FFVII touch my system. So I went and got myself an emulator. Anything to get my current console-style RPG fix since that seems to be what’s running about in my head. Even turned them into ISO files, in case the CDs end up breaking down due to excessive use and abuse. If all goes well, I’ll have more fun than I’ve had since first discovering the Imoen Romance Mod for Baldur’s Gate II: Shadows of Amn (speaking of which, I wonder if the ToB portion of that mod is done at last?) a while back. Fun times ahead I hope.

Now, it just slipped into my mind that I’m actually enjoying Shaman King and Outlaw Star. Normally, I don’t enjoy the shallow and dull shonen animé like them but I seem to be making an exception for those two. In recent years, any shonen series I watch I watch not because I like it but because either a female character or an idea in the show interested me. As regards the latter, it doesn’t happen very often for me but the best example, I guess, would be Negi. I hate all the girls there, even though I can tolerate Setsuna, Konoka and Makie and Nodoka. For the first one, SK falls into that category since I only watch it for Ellie and Tao Jun, even if they are minor characters. LH, now that I think about it, fits in this nicely too. Kanako and Shinobu made my day for that show. Lunamaria Hawke and her baby sister, not to mention Lacus Clyne and Flay Alster, got me pseudo-hooked on GS and GSD. I’m just not that big a fan of the genre any more. Now, to be fair, I like Azu and GA for the funny and not for anything else. Shows like that soothe me. Yet, Outlaw Star is actually a series I’m starting to enjoy because of the show itself. I’m not fond of any of the female characters (but Melfina’s easy on the eyes, unlike Aisha) but the show just appeals to me. Sort of the same way that Hand Maid May appealed to me. Can’t imagine why though. I lost interest in almost all male-oriented anime a long time ago. Yet, it has to be said that whatever I liked before shifting to shojo I still do but not always for the same reasons as before the shift. I need for GA in my TV diet…that’ll fix things. Maybe catch a few raw episodes of that new show, Simone, too. I hear it be cute!

Work was…interesting. I seriously can’t tell you all exactly what I do but I have to say, it is…different. I’m happy I don’t have to take in calls anymore and I don’t have to listen to some silly American and his silly complaints or demands. Maybe the lack of sleep is responsible or the lack of water but my first day wasn’t the smoothest transition I’ve ever had. Could just be the fact that I didn’t get any training for the job but then again, I can’t really ask to be trained in this job, can I? You can’t exactly be taught how to review, write and critique, can you? I’ll have to find some way to adjust and I’ll probably need some time to do that. I’ll never find out what would have happened if I had since I was fired prettty much after my shift. There goes my writing career…

Another Rant is in order but I’ll save the venom for laterr.

At the same moment as this is being written, I’m actually watching Troy. Not exactly my cup of tea but anything will do while I wait for some things to finish, though I’d much prefer a more accurate depiction of Homer’s original epic. As I watch, I can’t help but think I’m doing something wrong. I don’t know what or why but I can’t help but feel like I’m doing something wrong. This isn’t one of those things that’s wrong with my life. This isn’t related to the moves I’ve made career-wise or personally either. I can’t figure it out. I realize this has happened before and I think this, like the others that came before it, would just pass by. Nothing a few Nibelung Valesti hits in VP can’t cure, combined with avoidance of any and all FFVII-related garbage like Dirge of Cerberus. Keep it away!

Speaking of keeping away, I think I should get away from this now and get back to more important things.

Job Hunting.


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