Obsession

After taking some time to think a couple of things through (mostly since late last Friday, while I was at a KTV with others from work) I came to realizing something. It would explain how I can become so engrossed in learning things about and getting to know one specific person to the point that I can actually catch myself doing something bordering on stalking.

I have a tendency to obsess over people.

Well, obsess might be a harsh word but for the time being, my vocabulary fails me in finding a more appropriate word in the English language. The "other" meaning of the Japanese words otaku and hikkikomori might be appropriate, only directed towards a specific, flesh-and-blood person, and not an anime or anything of the sort. I'm nowhere near the dangerous point yet but if I get there, I probably won't be able to tell.

Looking back, the concept of my being a people-otaku is disturbing but actually explains quite a bit of my thoughts and behavior towards the girls that become the objects of my interest. I won't deny the fact that there is attraction, whether physical, emotional, or more, but the feeling isn't what I'd call love in any way, shape, or form. A slight crush tends to come along but little more than that. Going by this analysis, I've obviously never fallen in love before and, trusting my instincts on matters like this, I never will.

Which puts to me the question of why I love to write love stories and romances.

Anyway, I still haven't finished completely mulling over the notion that I'm a people-otaku, so I'll get back to you folks on that. As soon as I finish mulling over the very concept of it and just how accurate a self-analysis it is.

Let me see...well, the office recently had a Christmas Party back on the 15th. Going by the scale provided by Oz from Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, it was more of a shindig than a gathering. It was followed up by a trip to the same videoke bar that me and my Ambergris buds went to during our training days. Strangely, I actually felt more open about singing my heart out with my new officemates than my old ones. I didn't drink again and wasn't tempted; no brandy or whiskey in sight. It was fun, though I learned one more trait about myself that I either didn't know about before or consciously forgot: I can't sing to save my life.

I'm putting Yuki's Inbox on hold for a bit, scrapping my other idea, and just trying to hammer out my creative juices into giving me even a semi-coherent idea to work with.

In the meantime, I'm back in Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, with a NE kensage named Willow and a LG monk named Jin Wei. The evil side of things really needs to have more clerics, so I'll just drag along Anomen to augment Viconia's clerical services. However, I think I've got a good handle on the optimal party for good as per my playing style, which needs at least 2 clerics and a thief.

I have all the songs from "Once More, With Feeling" already and I'm starting to really favor I'll Never Tell and Under Your Spell as my favorites. My brother favors Rest In Peace and Sweet's Song, however. We both enjoy I've Got A Theory.

I know I'm going to lose Tuxy's contest, though that isn't as big a blow to my morale as one would assume. Particularly since I knew I was going to lose when I set out. I just...felt the need to join in it, is all.

I'm almost done with Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. Just started season 7 yesterday. After that, we move on to Card Captor Sakura. Oh joy.

And no, I'm not revealing who my obsessive nature has targeted this time around...

December 14

Well, another year down the old drain, huh?

You know, I never seem to get the concept of enjoying my birthday. I don't like being reminded that I'm a year older and, supposedly, a year "wiser." I try to avoid people whom I know will greet me and whenever I can't, I try to nudge them in the direction of forgetting about the whole thing. Unless they remind me with slips of money. In which case, yes, I crack a smile but it fades as soon as they're gone, as even money doesn't do much for me on this day.

I don't know. Maybe I'm just being nuts or something?

Anyway, I'm in a bit of a creative slump, personally. My work is chugging along fine and with very little hassle but my personal projects? Good old XI has stalled and is likely to stall until the foreseeable future, though I managed to get far enough to alter the second part and make it Yuki's Inbox, if only to echo the concept of the first part while adding some new concepts to it. However, I haven't gotten around to getting to work on it.

I blame Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, which I am currently in season 6 of.

Soon, I'll be blaming Card Captor Sakura, which I recently bought the box set DVD of.

Bleh. I hate my birthday.

What's Black And White And Black And White...

Yes, I know I'm ripping off John Crichton from Farscape. No, I don't care.

You know, I actually miss Farscape. It was an excellent show and certainly more fun than a lot of the other science fiction offerings I've seen on TV and on the big screen. Star Wars is a constant favorite, mainly because...well, because it's bloody Star Wars. I lost interest in Star Trek after The Next Generation, though I watched a few episodes of Voyager and Deep Space Nine here and there. They ought to set a series in the Star Trek Mirror Universe, preferably before the Terran Empire was taken down by the Klingon-Cardassian alliance. Hell, I even put up with Earth: Final Conflict and Andromeda simply because I was rather bored. But Farscape? That show was special. That show was intense. That show was sci-fi gold.

I miss Scorpius.

I finally got a new MP3 player, a Creative Zen Nano Plus. The size is a bit big for my current anime MP3 collection but with my plans to expand it, I don't think I'll have any trouble filling it up in time. I just need to save up for the Fate/Stay Night OST, maybe a Card Captor Sakura or Rurouni Kenshin OST thrown into the mix, find my missing Shin Seiki Evangelion OST, and download a few random tracks from various anime I've seen but don't have enough interest in to actually buy the OSTS of.

I'm still working at the same place I've been working for the past few posts. Nothing much has changed, except me becoming rather adept at "topic scavenging." I'll explain that sometime in the future.

I've always been a Spike/Willow fan, mainly because I think Buffy/Spike is out of character and Willow's been of great comfort to Spike twice in the series, not to mention she's the only one that's ever really shown him any level of compassion and understanding (or attempts at it) besides Joyce. For his part, Spike, I think, doesn't mind having Willow around. The fact that the option of turning her into a vampire even crossed his mind shows me that (aside from the obvious fact that it'll irk Buffy) he has some degree of interest in Willow. If I was still writing fanfics, I could likely conjure up a convincing fic where the two of them got together post-Angel season 5, likely with Illyria interference, as the Old One seems rather attached to Spike for practical reasons.

I just bought the DVD box set of Robotech, though it only covers the First Robotech War, which is what I'm actually interested in. I'm thinking of digging up DVD box sets for Angel, Fate/Stay Night, Galaxy Angel, Farscape, and That '70s Show.

I've put Tohya on hold for a while, let the idea simmer and mature a bit in my mind. As for my other porject, the current name is Project: Bloodlines and, so far, it still is a solid vampire story. I plan to pay homage to a few things , like Joss Whedon's Buffyverse (Buffy, The Vampire Slayer and Angel only, since I haven't read Fray yet) and White Wolf's Vampire: The Masquerade, through the characters and concepts. I just want to finish the details of the setting and stuff before I jump into writing it.

Yes, I do tend to ramble incoherently like Willow does.

Yes, I a aware that I do.

No, I'm not going to do anything about it.