And though I had slain a thousand foes less one,
The thousandth knife found my liver;
The thousandth enemy said to me,
'Now you shall die,
Now none shall know.'
And the fool, looking down, believed this,
Not seeing, above his shoulders, the naked stars,
Each one remembering.
--John M. Ford, The Final Reflection

The Asylum Director

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"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker

Monday, December 18, 2006


After taking some time to think a couple of things through (mostly since late last Friday, while I was at a KTV with others from work) I came to realizing something. It would explain how I can become so engrossed in learning things about and getting to know one specific person to the point that I can actually catch myself doing something bordering on stalking.

I have a tendency to obsess over people.

Well, obsess might be a harsh word but for the time being, my vocabulary fails me in finding a more appropriate word in the English language. The "other" meaning of the Japanese words otaku and hikkikomori might be appropriate, only directed towards a specific, flesh-and-blood person, and not an anime or anything of the sort. I'm nowhere near the dangerous point yet but if I get there, I probably won't be able to tell.

Looking back, the concept of my being a people-otaku is disturbing but actually explains quite a bit of my thoughts and behavior towards the girls that become the objects of my interest. I won't deny the fact that there is attraction, whether physical, emotional, or more, but the feeling isn't what I'd call love in any way, shape, or form. A slight crush tends to come along but little more than that. Going by this analysis, I've obviously never fallen in love before and, trusting my instincts on matters like this, I never will.

Which puts to me the question of why I love to write love stories and romances.

Anyway, I still haven't finished completely mulling over the notion that I'm a people-otaku, so I'll get back to you folks on that. As soon as I finish mulling over the very concept of it and just how accurate a self-analysis it is.

Let me see...well, the office recently had a Christmas Party back on the 15th. Going by the scale provided by Oz from Buffy, The Vampire Slayer, it was more of a shindig than a gathering. It was followed up by a trip to the same videoke bar that me and my Ambergris buds went to during our training days. Strangely, I actually felt more open about singing my heart out with my new officemates than my old ones. I didn't drink again and wasn't tempted; no brandy or whiskey in sight. It was fun, though I learned one more trait about myself that I either didn't know about before or consciously forgot: I can't sing to save my life.

I'm putting Yuki's Inbox on hold for a bit, scrapping my other idea, and just trying to hammer out my creative juices into giving me even a semi-coherent idea to work with.

In the meantime, I'm back in Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, with a NE kensage named Willow and a LG monk named Jin Wei. The evil side of things really needs to have more clerics, so I'll just drag along Anomen to augment Viconia's clerical services. However, I think I've got a good handle on the optimal party for good as per my playing style, which needs at least 2 clerics and a thief.

I have all the songs from "Once More, With Feeling" already and I'm starting to really favor I'll Never Tell and Under Your Spell as my favorites. My brother favors Rest In Peace and Sweet's Song, however. We both enjoy I've Got A Theory.

I know I'm going to lose Tuxy's contest, though that isn't as big a blow to my morale as one would assume. Particularly since I knew I was going to lose when I set out. I just...felt the need to join in it, is all.

I'm almost done with Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. Just started season 7 yesterday. After that, we move on to Card Captor Sakura. Oh joy.

And no, I'm not revealing who my obsessive nature has targeted this time around...

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