Of Personableness (Or Lack Thereof)

There's a lot to be said about being able to get people to like you. Mostly that you can't get everyone to like you, but there are others. But yeah, that "you can't please everybody" mentality seems most prevalent. However, there's very little material out there for when you're not trying to get anyone to like you. Like me.

I'll be the first to admit it. My people skills are about as sharp as a bowling ball. Quite frankly, I'm not too fond of people, of social interaction, of parties, and most of the stuff that comes attached to the above. People get in the way of my thoughts and, frankly, I find my thoughts to be significantly more comforting and agreeable than anything else. I simply don't like how people tend to talk on and on about the most pointless things in each other's presence, even when they're not really of that sort when they're not around other people. All of society seems so utterly and confoundedly superficial, to the point that I think most of us prefer to deny how annoyed and irritated we are with the people we have to live with and work with. Otherwise, we'd never be able to function properly and all civilization would fall apart.

People do tend to be rather annoying most of the time, but that's not the reason why I actively dislike being around them more than I feel I have to. I dislike being around people because of the politics and the backstabbing, which is an integral component of standard societal survival. This is particularly true for personalities like mine, which are abrasive and blunt. I honestly don't like sugarcoating things and prefer to call things as they are, pointing out some rather tactless observations in the process. I'm not trying to hurt people, just pointing out things that really ought to be obvious to anyone who gives a damn. I don't particularly care if they like it or not, or if they're offended by it or not.

Which brings me to a long overdue observation of things. The fact is, I'm never entirely comfortable in the presence of other people. Even my own family. On many levels, I feel like I can't find a way to relate to them because my interests and my tastes diverge so much from their own. Even among fellow anime fans, I have a hard time, because my preferences in titles drastically differs from the norm. I'm not interested in cars, the media, martial arts, or anything of that sort. You could say that my interests lie in more artistic or intellectual pursuits, but that'd be quite a stretch. For now, I just like to think my interests are simply different or odd, not "higher," as some ways of describing it might imply.

Of course, my social skills reflect this. I'm not fond of interacting with people more than I have to. Especially if we don't share any interests in common, or if our shared interests have divergent paths. This, of course, has made my personality rough and blunt, lacking in any real social graces or diplomatic skills. And honestly, this is just the way I like it. I enjoy being blunt, because that means I don't have to be restricted by things like sensitivity or active denial. For the most part, I find people indescribably dense, which leads me to assume that I'm better off hammering the truth into their heads. Note that "truth" is such a wonderfully malleable concept.

I'm an annoying, irritating, frustrating person to be around. Of course I'm aware of that. Some people have been nasty enough to point this fact out many times before, and while I'm thankful that they at least had the good sense to come out and say it, I can't say they had any effect. I know I'm all those negative things, but I know I'm not liable to go changing myself or my personality soon. As far as I'm concerned, so long as it doesn't really affect my ability to do the things I need to do or the things I want to do, I fail to see the problem. Inter-personal reaction is a minor consideration to me.

That doesn't mean I'm entirely emotionless, however. Over the years, I've made good friends and connections to people. Granted, I prefer to let them fade away over time, but that's primarily because I don't feel like developing any truly lasting attachments to people. Best to move on when you're in a new area, as it makes it faster for you to adapt to your new surroundings. Of course, in conjunction with my personality, that only hastens my talent for irritating and annoying more and more people.

This, of course, worries me. Being personable is something that is, sadly, integral to how the world works. I simply fail to care for most people and lack the ability to concretely empathize with most of the people I encounter, which automatically marks me as being less than social. Granted, I am less than social, but that's beside the point. I'm quite aware that most people don't like people like me and would likely want me gone as soon as possible, but I'd appreciate it if they say it to my face. Won't really do much to make me change my ways, but at least it'll be out in the open.

So, with all that in mind, the question needs to be asked. Do I want to be more personable? There is certainly a slight need for it if I want to survive in the modern world. I'll likely not get anywhere without that sort of thing, even if everything else falls into an advantageous position for me. Do I want to? No, quite frankly.

I'm rough, tactless, blunt, annoying, irritating, I tend to come off as cocky, a jerk, elitist, or whatnot. People who've worked with me can probably make a large list of all my negative qualities, enough to fill the pages of your standard translation of the fictional work known as the Bible. Frankly, I don't care.

There are few people in the world that can confidently claim that I actively enjoy spending time with them. There are even less that I'd actually want to spend time with. Really, this is fine by me. I don't like people and people don't like me. I fail to see anything wrong about that.

Besides, people (that includes me) are just a sad, pathetic lot.

Ten More Things...

Ten things I learned from work:

1. CRT monitors make for excellent substitutions for microwave ovens if you know how to use them.

2. It is a bad idea to sign up for social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply.

3. Never go on a trip when the organizer can't seem to settle the actual date two days before it's supposed to happen.

4. No matter how well-trained, call center agents are prone to making statements in English that have atrocious grammar and pronunciation.

5. There are times when you have to stop with the subtlety and shove the truth down someone's throat.

6. When it comes to dealing with management, you're always wrong until management proves itself wrong beyond reasonable (and unreasonable) doubt. Even then, you might still be considered wrong.

7. In lieu of an MP3 player or media player, use YouTube play lists and a pair of headphones.

8. The computer you're using will always be the one that has no administrator access.

9. If you're right but your idea doesn't fit the boss' view of things, nobody will listen to you and will conveniently forget that you got it right before anyone else did.

10. We're all inevitably screwed. It is simply a matter of how screwed we are by the end of it.

This has been brought to you by: Lucky☆Star!

Webcomic Thoughts

There were days when I was a webcomic addict. I'd read things like Go Girly, Pawn, MegaTokyo, Looking For Group, Okashina Okashi, and even Sexy Losers. Among various others. I was particularly fond (for reasons I do not quite understand) of stuff like April and May, Exploitation Now, and Tomoyo42's Room. Hell, I even put up with the weirdness of Life of Riley and Hello Cthulhu.

But now? Well, now I seem to have faded.

I mean, some of my favorites from the aforementioned list ended and there was no reason to keep visiting their site in the hope of a new comic. But what about the ones that haven't "died" or ended yet? I mean, sure some of the above are all over and done with, but what about the ones that aren't? I don't know. I just don't feel the need to actually read through them anymore. Sure, I drop by Looking For Group at least once a week and check out MegaTokyo once a month, but that's about it. Well, aside from the odd visit to Contemplating Reiko, which always lifts my mood, but that's beside the point. I don't even bother to save the comics and dump them into my HD for future reference or something anymore.

I've particularly lost the desire to read MegaTokyo, though I don't really see why. The art has improved considerably over time, naturally. The plot is a tight one and I definitely see that as an improvement from the "a joke a minute" format of the first part of it. So why do I only bother when I've got absolutely nothing else to do? I don't know.

I don't even know why I stopped reading it so damn much in the first place. Maybe it has to do with time, but that's unlikely. Between all my side projects and playing various games, I still have a little bit of time to catch up on my favorite webcomics.

I guess I just got tired of reading them, after a while. The good thing about webcomics with plots is that there's more than just the art and the humor to hook you in. The problem with that same set-up is that you tend to slowly develop a lack of patience for delayed updates. Well, for me, anyway. I sort of like my webcomics the way I like some of my manga: I want there to be a strong plot, but if you can tie up a good subplot that doesn't always have to tie in directly to the core story, I don't mind either.

That's probably why I still read Pawn and, to a lesser degree, Looking For Group. The first because the story is updated in parts, so I don't have to wait too long for one story arc to be completed, even though the overarching plot hasn't even really gotten going yet. The second I like because the updates are regular and set, which means that I can visit it once a week, which means I don't have to wait too long to know more of what's going on.

Am I making any sense? Probably not. Just as well, I think.

You know, one of these days, I'll finally realize that my list of projects to be done is finally done. As it stands, I seem to constantly be adding things to it. For the morbidly curious (and I honestly can't imagine who would be), here's the list in order of when they arrived, with the newest being at the bottom.

Create a visual novel using Ren'Py
Create an NPC mod for BGII with dissociative personality disorder
Finish Darkness & Stars
Finish Lie To Me
Develop the concept and start writing for Gouka Aya

Clearly, the first two on that list are the ones that I am least likely to actually pull off.

Edit:
This is just stupid: Pedophile allowed to work in kindergarten.

Funny How Life Turns Like That

There are things in this world that make me stop and ponder, but there are few things that can genuinely and consistently make me laugh.

Then there are the things that make me go 'WTF' (in both positive and negative and just plain WTF ways).

Let's note down the positive stuff first, shall we?

A friend of mine is now working at the same company that I am. This, of course, is a good thing. The company, for all the flaws and questionable things in it (which I'll get to a little later), is infinitely better than the last company I worked for. She's on the night shift, but that's okay. She's doing well, which is really what matters here, even if I'd prefer she be on the day shift. I mean, that is what she wants and, let's face it, there's really no need for there to be a night shift for web content writers. Really.

I've somehow managed to avoid wasting several months' worth of work by not continuing Darkness & Stars. The fact that I'm still writing for it even though it has become significantly longer than anything else I've written over the course of my short, pitiful existence astounds me. Sure, there are times when the process is a little slow-going, but overall, there's no indication that I won't be able to finish it. Just don't expect me to finish it soon, mate.

I'm getting in some good gaming time lately, without having to sacrifice too much sleep. I've recently completed three runs of Classic Adventures, but I'll keep my saves untouched and the entire folder on back-up while I go back to regular Baldur's Gate II. I've still got to play through both the Sarah and Beyond The Law mods, even though I usually dislike playing mods without ToB content.

Clamp In Wonderland 2:


Jessica Asakura:


Now then, for the negative stuff, yes?

What is it with this garbage about having to "make up" for certain days? That's crap and the management knows it. The days they're asking us to "make up" for don't need to be made up, seeing as how they're fucking holidays and we're not supposed to come in for work anyway. This whole "missing two days of work, so we need to make up for it by coming in on Saturdays" line is pure garbage, and everyone here knows it. Seriously, folks. Who tells their employees not to come in on Christmas day then asks them to put in an extra day of work for not coming in on Christmas? On that point, who actually goes to work on Christmas?

This weird Christmas outing thing planned by some of the higher-ups. I personally think the idea is insipid and a needless waste of both time and money on everyone's part. I mean, why have some sort of weird party-thing on your own when the company is already sponsoring one? Why waste your own money when someone else is willing to waste theirs on you? Furthermore, there appears to be little to no actual planning going on, such as the itinerary. Hell, there's not a shred of any real, concrete planning for any aspect of this trip. Not even the food, from what I gather. Sure, a lot of this could be going on in levels I don't have access to, but that doesn't take away from the fact that I think this is a stupid, stupid, stupid idea.

The state of Philippine politics. But then, when is the state of Philippine politics ever good?

And finally, the simply WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Remember that friend I told you about? The one that's working where I am now? Yeah, well, there's quite a bit of funny stuff going on around her. From what I hear, guys on the night shift (sex-deprived, as another friend puts them) gravitate around her to some degree. She herself hasn't really complained about it, but my contacts among the writers in the night shift tell me she seems just slightly uncomfortable about the whole thing. So what do they do? Charlie, one of the night shift writers, casually mentions that my friend and I are together! In the name of what's left of the great campaign setting known as the Forgotten Realms, that idea is just so ridiculous that the only reaction it warranted from me when I was first told of it is thus: WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Mind you, my friend (not Charlie) is a pretty girl and very nice, but we're just friends. I don't think we're even particularly close friends, if you think about it. I don't know whether to laugh at this, or just sit back and see what sorts of insanity can be...extracted from this.

Thoughts Coming In From The Cold

It is cold outside.

God. Fucking. Cold.

Too damn cold to think straight.

I hate that.

Mystra Is Dead

Mystra, Forgotten Realms goddess of Magic, is dead.

For those who, like me, have played Dungeons & Dragons (specifically, the Forgotten Realms setting), this is a major event. I suppose that, in some ways, this needed to be done to get rid of all the superhero-level spellcasters in FR (Elminster and the Chosen of Mystra, for example), but to do it this way?

One can only hope that, like The Dead Three, Mystra saw this coming and had a back-up plan.

For those among you who have no idea what I'm talking about, don't bother trying to figure it out.

Relax And Renew

I would just like to point out that I am a whole-hearted supporter of taking four-day weekends. I don't think I've ever quite managed to just lay back and do pretty much nothing and not feel guilty about it in a long, long time. I didn't go anywhere or do anything particularly out of the ordinary for me, but I managed to find a little relaxation and a lot of time on my hands. Very useful if you're trying to complete multiple projects, like Darkness & Stars or Lie To Me.

Over that long weekend (which, despite the slight drop in my next paycheck because of it, I thoroughly enjoyed without any guilt), I managed to finally get around to doing a couple of things I always said I would. For starters, Darkness & Stars is now on Chapter 27. I'll remove the current download link and replace it with a new one when Chapter 30 (the halfway point) is completed. I've also learned just enough WeiDU code to make an extremely basic, bare-bones NPC mod for Baldur's Gate II. However, over the process of learning WeiDU and working on the NPC dialog files needed to get her to speak to the characters already in-game, I realized something.

I need to finally learn Ren'Py.