Of Personableness (Or Lack Thereof)

There's a lot to be said about being able to get people to like you. Mostly that you can't get everyone to like you, but there are others. But yeah, that "you can't please everybody" mentality seems most prevalent. However, there's very little material out there for when you're not trying to get anyone to like you. Like me.

I'll be the first to admit it. My people skills are about as sharp as a bowling ball. Quite frankly, I'm not too fond of people, of social interaction, of parties, and most of the stuff that comes attached to the above. People get in the way of my thoughts and, frankly, I find my thoughts to be significantly more comforting and agreeable than anything else. I simply don't like how people tend to talk on and on about the most pointless things in each other's presence, even when they're not really of that sort when they're not around other people. All of society seems so utterly and confoundedly superficial, to the point that I think most of us prefer to deny how annoyed and irritated we are with the people we have to live with and work with. Otherwise, we'd never be able to function properly and all civilization would fall apart.

People do tend to be rather annoying most of the time, but that's not the reason why I actively dislike being around them more than I feel I have to. I dislike being around people because of the politics and the backstabbing, which is an integral component of standard societal survival. This is particularly true for personalities like mine, which are abrasive and blunt. I honestly don't like sugarcoating things and prefer to call things as they are, pointing out some rather tactless observations in the process. I'm not trying to hurt people, just pointing out things that really ought to be obvious to anyone who gives a damn. I don't particularly care if they like it or not, or if they're offended by it or not.

Which brings me to a long overdue observation of things. The fact is, I'm never entirely comfortable in the presence of other people. Even my own family. On many levels, I feel like I can't find a way to relate to them because my interests and my tastes diverge so much from their own. Even among fellow anime fans, I have a hard time, because my preferences in titles drastically differs from the norm. I'm not interested in cars, the media, martial arts, or anything of that sort. You could say that my interests lie in more artistic or intellectual pursuits, but that'd be quite a stretch. For now, I just like to think my interests are simply different or odd, not "higher," as some ways of describing it might imply.

Of course, my social skills reflect this. I'm not fond of interacting with people more than I have to. Especially if we don't share any interests in common, or if our shared interests have divergent paths. This, of course, has made my personality rough and blunt, lacking in any real social graces or diplomatic skills. And honestly, this is just the way I like it. I enjoy being blunt, because that means I don't have to be restricted by things like sensitivity or active denial. For the most part, I find people indescribably dense, which leads me to assume that I'm better off hammering the truth into their heads. Note that "truth" is such a wonderfully malleable concept.

I'm an annoying, irritating, frustrating person to be around. Of course I'm aware of that. Some people have been nasty enough to point this fact out many times before, and while I'm thankful that they at least had the good sense to come out and say it, I can't say they had any effect. I know I'm all those negative things, but I know I'm not liable to go changing myself or my personality soon. As far as I'm concerned, so long as it doesn't really affect my ability to do the things I need to do or the things I want to do, I fail to see the problem. Inter-personal reaction is a minor consideration to me.

That doesn't mean I'm entirely emotionless, however. Over the years, I've made good friends and connections to people. Granted, I prefer to let them fade away over time, but that's primarily because I don't feel like developing any truly lasting attachments to people. Best to move on when you're in a new area, as it makes it faster for you to adapt to your new surroundings. Of course, in conjunction with my personality, that only hastens my talent for irritating and annoying more and more people.

This, of course, worries me. Being personable is something that is, sadly, integral to how the world works. I simply fail to care for most people and lack the ability to concretely empathize with most of the people I encounter, which automatically marks me as being less than social. Granted, I am less than social, but that's beside the point. I'm quite aware that most people don't like people like me and would likely want me gone as soon as possible, but I'd appreciate it if they say it to my face. Won't really do much to make me change my ways, but at least it'll be out in the open.

So, with all that in mind, the question needs to be asked. Do I want to be more personable? There is certainly a slight need for it if I want to survive in the modern world. I'll likely not get anywhere without that sort of thing, even if everything else falls into an advantageous position for me. Do I want to? No, quite frankly.

I'm rough, tactless, blunt, annoying, irritating, I tend to come off as cocky, a jerk, elitist, or whatnot. People who've worked with me can probably make a large list of all my negative qualities, enough to fill the pages of your standard translation of the fictional work known as the Bible. Frankly, I don't care.

There are few people in the world that can confidently claim that I actively enjoy spending time with them. There are even less that I'd actually want to spend time with. Really, this is fine by me. I don't like people and people don't like me. I fail to see anything wrong about that.

Besides, people (that includes me) are just a sad, pathetic lot.