Death, as I have mentioned before, is something I view as inevitable and inexorable. You will die, and you will not be able to avoid it. So by and large, I think I'm going to be able to die more or less able to accept it. It sometimes becomes a different matter when it comes to people around me, however.
I did not feel much of anything when my grandfather (maternal) died. Nor did I feel anything when my grandmother (paternal) died. Their deaths were expected. Then we come to the most recent death of someone that mattered to me, even in the slightest way.
Brownie (pictured above) was my uncle's pet dog. Don't know what breed, don't particularly care either. Anyone who knows me will know I prefer animals to people. I find humans disgusting things, and take more comfort in machinery. Barring that, a good dog or cat. What I know is that I find her death has affected me quite deeply, almost as if I was her owner and had raised her for years by my own hand.
She died of cancer. Didn't even know dogs could get cancer. I find it barely consoling that she died quietly, in her sleep. The worry was that she would live to the point where it became unbearable to do so, and had to be euthanized. I...a part of me is glad it didn't come to that.
In a way, I think she knew it was coming. Little things, like walking up to us and sitting down, just begging to be petted or paid attention to. Maybe I'm over-thinking it, or seeing something that's not there. Regardless, I will hold on to the belief that she did that yesterday because she knew it was her last chance.
I don't think I have a point or something to say. Just...I think I just need to admit that this has made me profoundly sad, and I'm going to miss her.
No comments:
Post a Comment