It Alone Is My Choice...

"The hardest step of any journey is the current one, for that alone is truly your choice."

Well, I think I've just realized the full truth of the above statement. While nothing is currently sure, I may end up being offered a Technical Writer position in HSBC. Yes, the Hong Kong-Shanghai Banking Corporation. That HSBC. If I decide to take that offer, I know and can honestly say that my sole reason would be the money. I like my current job. I like most of the people I work with. But I can't stand the pay and the people in the highest levels of management. The pay is really depressing, especially when I consider the salaries I got in my old jobs. The management, as I could tell pretty early on in the game, is not quite as stable as I'd like. HSBC would fix both problems, though I have a gut feeling that moving there would generate new ones for me.

Will I like the work environment? What about my co-workers? Will I actually have what is needed to write what I'd be required to write? Will I enjoy the work?

Part of me hesitates because I know I'll end up dealing with investments, credit cards, and the like. None of the above examples are anything I'm truly familiar, comfortable, or happy with. Nor am I interested in any of them. Okay, I watch Neil Cavuto's show on FoxNews once in a while, but I don't really understand a thing when they get real in-depth about financial issues. The Bulls & The Bears confuse me, folks.

For the time being, I'm trying to avoid answering my own internal dialogue by focusing on making an NPC mod for Baldur's Gate II. For the time being, Dominique (& Gabrielle) is pretty basic, though she'll get around to becoming a full-fledged NPC at some point.

Still, I'll have to answer the question eventually. I just hope I make the right decision for me.

In other news, Heil Haruhi!

Somehow, I Can't...

I'm bored.

Really bored.

I'm still learning how to make IE mods, though my original plans for the mod NPC I plan to make have changed considerably since I first thought them up. That, and I'm now wondering how hard it would be to convincingly write Aribeth de Tylmarande (from Neverwinter Nights) in Baldur's Gate II. Such an idea is an exercise is masochism, though I find the notion strangely appealing. I don't know. Maybe it is just me...

In any case, still dragging my Paladin (Inquisitor kit) around Amn, for no other reason than the fact that I feel like doing so. Barring my first run through the game, this current install is my most bare-bones installation yet. So far, I've only installed the patch, the Baldurdash fixpack, a few components from Ease-Of-Use, and the Saerileth romance mod. No, I didn't find the Valen NPC mod to be appealing to me, even if my female characters end up becoming some of the most vile beauties in the Realms. I really wish Spellhold Studios would finally finish The Mod For The Wicked, as my evil characters really need more options in the game. Though I feel oddly inclined to pick up Neverwinter Nights (plus the expansions, Shadows of Undrentide and Hordes of the Underdark), even though I'm not a big fan of some of the changes 3rd edition made, like Half-Elves becoming Paladins and the ability to cast spells while wearing armor.

In the anime scene, I'm being insane and re-watching Galaxy Angel, season 3 and Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu, as well as sneaking in an episode of Gakuen Alice here and there. I'm thinking of grabbing Happy Lesson or Kashimashi one of these days, though I'm not entirely sure which one to grab first. Or maybe I should finally get around to watching xxxHOLiC, which has been sitting on my "To Watch" pile of DVDs for weeks now.

As for my writing, everything has stalled. Part of me is tempted, sorely tempted to just quit trying to write a novel altogether, as I'll never see it in print anyway. However, most of me is persistent in the notion that all I need is the right theme, the right idea to let the words fly out. For the time being, the idea floating in my head is sci-fi-ish, thoguh with heavy elements of fantasy thrown in, considering that one of the major characters is, literally, the all-powerful but detached deity of the universe. I've also got a few minor projects in mind, though nothing of any real consequence. Sadly, work is eating up my creative energies to the point that when I come home, I just want to sit back and let my Paladin use Carsomyr to carve up a bunch of corrupt mages while having the most evil laugh a Paladin can possibly have. Or watch my Chaotic Neutral Half-Elf Fighter/Thief carve up every single person in the Copper Coronet with Angurdaval and Blackrazor. Yes, I use Shadowkeeper to give my evil/Chaotic Neutral characters the good stuff, but I have the good guys work for their items.

On the topic of work, I feel like I'm starting to burn out. Or maybe I'm starting to get sick of what I'm being asked to write, I'm not sure. However, I do know there are only so many times you can change your angle or outlook on a topic before you feel the urge to bang your head on a wall repeatedly. I feel like I'm starting to dumb down because of the repetitiveness of the project, though part of me is thankful for the consistency of having a stable project.

I know. I can always quit and go back to taking calls. Right. Sure. That'll be the day. If money was my only motivation, I'd never have left my old Ambergris job. However, if I stayed there, I'd hate myself and my work, so I left. I've come to realize that I don't just need a good salary, I need to actually like my job too. That being said, I won't push out the option of taking calls again out of my mind. If nothing else, my home environment is going to force me to consider that option every few weeks or so, anyway.

My social life? It doesn't exist. Apart from the fact that I've managed to locate an old friend again, nothing new. I still don't feel any sort of real connection with my co-workers, I've lost touch with my old co-workers, I'm detached from my family, and I find myself withdrawing deeper and deeper into my thoughts to find solace. That, despite the fact that I'm well aware of the fact that I don't need any solace right now. The "gloom and doom" mentality is nothing new to me, either. My mental state is confusing, which is the way it has been since high school. So why do I feel as if something's out of place, that something's gone awfully, awfully wrong but I have no idea what?

In other news, computer mice hate me. My mouse at home is over-sensitive and double-clicks by itself. My mouse at work clicks unresponsively and doesn't move properly. I now also despise Ubuntu Linux.

I better get back to work. Or eat something.

Oh, Nothing...

Have I ever mentioned that I really like Legend of the Five Rings? I haven't played in a while but...if I ever manage to learn enough about IE modding to convert a 2nd PnP character to a BGII NPC, it'd be my favorite L5R personalities: Hida Kisada, Bayushi Kachiko, and Isawa Kaede.

The Best Laid Plans

Well, contrary to internal belief, I've finally decided to take up modding for BGII. Not sure if that's a bad or good idea yet. No, I'm not making the kits/NPCs I mentioned in the last entry. Well, not right now, anyway. One just doesn't feel fitting to the BG world and the other is, well, even powergamers would find Haruhi's powers excessive. No, I think the mod I'm working on should be a simple one; a nice, typical NPC. Based on my old In Nomine character, Jarod DuPont, a Balseraph of The Game. Not sure if I want to drag his partner in crime and in bed, Talia, the insanely combat-oriented Lilim of The War, along with him. I've even done a little bit of writing for the guy, though I honestly have no idea how to mod and barely any idea how to use the CLUA console.

Funny, that.

A List

This is a list of things I've always said I'd do, one of these days, but never really got around to actually doing. Stupid me.

1. Find and apply for a job somewhere in Singapore or some European country. Actually being accepted can come later.
2. Learn and master Japanese, Italian, German, French, Latin, and Spanish. Not exactly in that order.
3. Learn to make custom NPCs and kits for Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn. Specifically, a Flame Master kit (based off Rekka no Honou), a "God" kit (based off of Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu), and maybe a few custom NPCs that don't use custom kits.
4. Finally get around to watching my Gakuen Alice DVDs.
5. Read the translated Haruhi Suzumiya novels.
6. Get back to writing...something. Anything.
7. Re-watch Azumanga Daioh, Galaxy Angel, Carcaptor Sakura, Robotech, and Ah! My Goddess all over again.
8. Burn all Harry Potter books within a 100-mile radius of my house.
9. Play Final Fantasy VI all over again.
10. Change the playlist of my MP3 player from my extensive anime MP3 collection to something that isn't so specialized.
11. Mock "God" in the middle of a religious function.
12. Tell the local Jehovah's Witness fools, "Yes, I've seen God. She really should stop molesting that poor girl. She looks cute in pigtails, though."
13. Become the God of Murder.
14. Buy more Hikaru Utada and Aya Hirano albums.
15. Find an Alice Cooper album. Any Alice Cooper album. Welcome To My Nightmare, if possible.
16. Create a god-like PC for Baldur's Gate II with 23 (because the benefits stop at 23 anyway) in all stats, 100% resistance to everything, a speed factor of 4, and whatever other hacks come into mind. Then start the game with no equipment whatsoever and stay that way until getting Imoen back in Spellhold. Name said PC Haruhi Suzumiya.
17. Buy Kafka on the Shore, by Haruki Murakami.
18. Get a girlfriend. (This is less likely to happen than #13, as far as I'm concerned.)
19. Find the answer to the question, "What can change the nature of a man?."
20. Create a chracter based off Kurei Mori, complete with incredible hand-to-hand fighting skills and fire-based innate abilities. Likely will use the aforementioned Flame Master kit once I put the damn thing together.

Haruhi-ism!

Have I ever mentioned just how much I love Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu? No? Well, I really should. Where to start, though?

I guess a good start would be just how unconventional the show is. The airing of the episodes outside of chronological order is just the tip of the iceberg. The mere idea of Haruhi or someone like her being completely unaware of her god-like powers is just disturbingly entertaining. Not to mention the fact that Haruhi herself is one of the most refreshingly chaotic characters I've ever seen yet manages to avoid the "ditz" label that many other characters like her tend to fall into. The fact that Haruhi Suzumiya can be so off-beat and nuts is, easily, one of the most entertaining aspects of the show, the character, and, perhaps, even anime as a whole.

Of course, there's the madcap collection of characters that may (or may not) be figments of Haruhi's imagination. While I confess I'm not all that fond of Kyon (likely because he reminds me too much of myself and the fact that I'm really a Haruhi/Mikuru pusher), I do rather enjoy watching his interactions with the other members of the SOS-dan and his attempts to "normalize" Haruhi *cough*God*cough*. Contrary to the stereotype, I actually am not a deranged, drooling nut over Mikuru. Sure, she's sexy, she's cute (she's popular to boot!), and she's a very sweet girl but I'm really more inclined to find (big surprise here) Haruhi more attractive. Though part of me has a fondness for Ryoko. Yuki seems a little too quiet, for my tastes, a little too computer-like. I'd love to see a little more development on Itsuki's character, however, as he seems to serve as nothing more than Haruhi's yes-man, though such a role is understandable if you consider just what Haruhi could be capable of.

If you haven't seen it yet, I order you to go watch The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Now.

Anyway, for no good reason, I provide a little breakdown on my current Baldur's Gate II CHARNAMEs:

First off, there's my perpetually (well, as perpetually as I can make him) drunk swashbuckler, Jack Sparrow. I've made him a little too good (as in Chaotic Good) to be a perfect fit for the real Pirates of the Carribean Jack Sparrow, but I've got other plans for a Chaotic Neutral character later on.

Lurking around the back until Jack makes it to Throne of Bhaal would be Lockhart, whom I previously mentioned. My poor little lesbian PC has been modified a little, however. For one thing, she's now a Neutral Evil Fighter/Mage that's disturbingly talented with a crossbow but can handle herself in close combat with a nice longsword. I'm definitely arming her with Blackrazor and Firetooth as soon as I have my handfs on them. Interestingly, I just realized I'm going to go through the game much faster with an Evil PC as opposed to a good one because, well, there's no Saerileth Romance to take my time with. My evil PCs tend to be female, anyway. Though I'm thinking of slipping in a Imoen Romance or two for my evil, evil women sometime in the future. The good guys can have the lovely and noble Saerileth, of course.

Hell, I'm toying with the idea of a Chaotic Neutral character based on Haruhi Suyuzima but...I'm not sure what class to make her. She's definitely charismatic and flexible, so high charisma and dexterity scores there. Wisdom should go down the drain for this one, though strength and constitution are probably in the high-average zone. The class is the problem. She's not shown using any sort of weapons, so a Monk would fit but Monks are Lawful folk. Kensai is a no-go too. She's not aware of her powers, so I can't go with any spellcasting class. Eh, I'll think up something eventually. Maybe it is about time I learned to mod BGII, if only to make a custom kit for Haruhi. A customized Monk, maybe?

That's all for now. I'll likely be back later.

I Know It's Late But...

In the intervening time since this post and the last one, very little has actually happened. I think I'm finally starting to burn out on the current project that I'm assigned to working on in the office. I can't say I'm surprised as, from what I gather, the four other writers before me have ended up burned out by the project as well. I just didn't expect to get drained dry of any ideas or inspiration for the project this soon. I'm fgoing to try and hold out a little longer, however, as I'm not sure if I'm truly burned out or just a litle dazed by the weight of the whole thing.

The lack of movement in my social life is still omnipresent, provided one assumes that I have an excuse of a social life. Frankly, as I predicted, I've lost contact (gradually) with everyone from my old office, Ambergris Solutions. I can't say I blame them. I didn't exactly go out of my way to be endearing. Rather, I think they were mostly glad to see me go. Or at least were mildly indifferent about my departure. The sad part is that the few people I've always considered to be closest to me among the lot I've also lost contact with. So, once again, I have no other recourse but to attempt to rebuild. Hopefully, given time, I can do that here, though things are a little slow-going in the new digs.

I've re-installed Baldur's Gate II: Shadows of Amn, plus the expansion, Throne of Bhaal, again. I've decided to go for an installation that's a little minimized, in terms of mod content. Apart from some tweaks and fixes from the BaldurDash fix pack, Ease-Of-Use and Unfinished Business mods, the revised HLA tables and "SwashImoen" component of Refinements, I've decided to throw in little lese. In fact, aside from some resorations, there's hardly any new content, aside from the Flirt Packs (for the first time, I've installed one of those "romance any gender" patches) and Banter Packs, both of which are staples in my BGII runs. Of course, that's where the Saerileth and Allison NPC mods come in. Had the Lockheart NPC mod (the name is highly similar to my current CHARNAME, Lockhart, who's an elven thief with a thing for other pretty elven girls) been completed, she'd be included as well. I'm thinking of getting a few other NPC mods, though I'm not sure who to get. Preferably, ones that don't have personal quests that might interfere with Saerileth's personal quest. If the NPC is evil, however, I might consider the addition, as I only take evil NPCs if I intend to be evil as well. Of course, said NPC must have ToB content already. If you feel like something's missing, that'd be the Imoen Romance. I'll install that (along with a highly likely re-install of BGII) when the ToB portion is done and thoroughly bug-tested.

In between, I'm still chugging along with my personal projects, though I'm afraid that gaming has forced writing into a backseat position. I might be tempted to make an NPC mod for Baldur's Gate II, though one that's strictly for personal use. I highly doubt I'd ever make an NPC I created for public use, as such things tend to involve a lot of things I'd rather not deal with.