And though I had slain a thousand foes less one,
The thousandth knife found my liver;
The thousandth enemy said to me,
'Now you shall die,
Now none shall know.'
And the fool, looking down, believed this,
Not seeing, above his shoulders, the naked stars,
Each one remembering.
--John M. Ford, The Final Reflection

The Asylum Director

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"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Remembering High School

You ought to know that I hate what my boss is making me write if I'm posting entries into this blog on a daily basis.

Anyway...

I ran into an old HS friend last night. We went through the usual ritual of asking how the other's life was going, where he worked, and all that. Nothing out of the ordinary. He even suggested (just like every other HS friend I run into, not to mention college friend) that we (by that, I mean pretty much anyone from HS we could find) get together sometime, to reminisce and catch up and shit.

And for the first time in a long, long time, I'm now wondering what happened to the people I went to HS with. Well, not all of them, mind you.

You see, I can be very, very picky about the people I decide to spend time with unless I have no other choice. I tried to avoid people that I didn't think I'd get along with, which somehow ended up being most of the male population of my HS batch. That was fine by me, but I wasn't exactly a ladies' man, either. I think part of me took pride and actively tried to be the class outcast, the one that didn't fit in with any group. No, that's different from the class "chameleon," the one that can make himself fit in anywhere.

I wasn't part of the 'N' students (in my HS' terms, these would be the geeks and nerds of your typical American HS), even when I was in that class. I was creative then, but I lacked both the drive and the academic brilliance that the rest of them had. Books were my thing, but not the books that we had to read. Facts and knowledge were of interest to me, but not the kind that they tell you about in your typical HS setting. I guess part of me always believed I'd never actually need any of it once I got out of the educational arena.

When I left the "cream class," as they were called, I didn't fit in either. I knew a few people on the outside, maybe even a few casual acquaintances, but nothing much changed. The stress of being the best and that prevalent feel of being not-up-to-standards may have lessened, but I wasn't too fond of the company either. Not to say that I hated them or my previous classmates, but I didn't think I'd form any really lasting bonds with any of them either.

Probably the reason for my deciding not to show up for the prom my junior year. I didn't have a reason to, really. I never really cared much for social gatherings. I admit, I was tempted when a few friends asked me to join in accompanying the Australian visitors, but I passed on it. I didn't have anything better to do, but doing nothing seemed like a better alternative to going. Funny, isn't it?

No, unlike most folks, I was sure I wouldn't miss HS. Sure, I knew a few people and I liked spending time with some of the smarter girls of the class. I had a few guys I spent time with, but generally avoided the rest of them. But I enjoyed being the oddball, the one nobody ever really got close enough to understand completely and implicitly. It was...fun.

I managed to keep in contact with a few of them for a while, but nothing serious. A text message here and there, the occasional e-mail, but those faded out in time. Either I didn't want to make first contact, or I just didn't find the time to maintain the lines of communication. I honestly don't know where any of them are anymore, except for the ones that I bump into at the most unusual times.

One thing that irks me about the people that knew me in HS was that there's a near-consensus among the ones that knew me best that I was...well, I was smart. Not book-smart, like Daphne or Joanna or whoever, and not street-smart either, like a number of students in my batch. The prevalent idea seems to be that I was mentally gifted and talented, which I dispute to this day. There is simply no basis for that assumption.

Sure, I got into the cream class, but I dropped out after the second year. Numbers were never my thing, and I didn't quite fit into the atmosphere of academic excellence that the class seemed to demand of those in it. My grades weren't spectacular, either. I was just a bit above the average in terms of academics, but I never really managed to actually outdo any of the more exceptional members of the batch. No, I was being lazy, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Well, that, and I was starting to make note of behavioral patterns and making assessments. My methodology for such was similar to how a general might size up a threat to his army, but I never made plans to use the weaknesses and flaws I saw. I just noted them and filed them away in my head.

In any case, HS was thoroughly frustrating and weird for me. But, well, I can't help but miss a person or two from the batch and I wouldn't mind seeing them again. I don't seek to rekindle old ties and establish friendships, mind you. I'm just...curious to see how some of them had turned out, to see how right I was in my assessment of them. Attempting to pursue some kind of romantic relationship is out of the question, as well. I am, by no means, a prize catch. I've resigned myself to the fate of being the straight best friend to practically every girl I get close to.

Very interesting. Yes, a small-scale HS reunion would be very interesting indeed. So long as the ones I don't want to see again (practically every guy in the whole batch, along with a number of girls) aren't there, I think I won't have any problems.

Eh, that's enough nostalgia for today.

I've been playing Touhou games recently. Very hard, but very addicting. I'm particularly fond of MegaMari and Embodiment of Scarlet Devil. I haven't had my fingers twitch to badly in a long time. Thankfully, they're not getting me to the point where I can't stop playing long enough to continue with my writing.

Cecilia & Mint is doing well, with me still finishing up on Chapter 10. Jigoku-hime is still in the "planning" stages, with the basic concept and cast set in stone. I just need a little more time to get the plot (or lack of it) settled upon.

I've also decided upon something.

Despite five chapters already being up there, I no longer intend to update the copy of Cecilia & Mint on Fictionpress. From here on out, there will be only two places to officially get the upcoming chapters of the story. Either the Tuxedo Jack forums, or from me. If you're getting it from the forums, then that means you've at least heard of me and my escapades as a fanfic writer. If you get the zip folders of the chapters from me, that means I know you personally. Why have I decided upon this? I have my reasons.

Anyway, time to eat lunch. I'm hungry.

1 comment:

Spongebabe said...

i so can relate.

i hate high school, too, and most of my batchmates. i wasn't an oddball. i was, in fact, part of the "in" crowd. but i never enjoyed high school. it's a chapter of my life i can definitely do without. ^_^

bitter? nah. my high school years had been fun, but they weren't nearly as fun as my college years.

and yeah. i'm probably as lazy-assed as you when it comes to academics. never really thought of excelling in class. hehe.