And though I had slain a thousand foes less one,
The thousandth knife found my liver;
The thousandth enemy said to me,
'Now you shall die,
Now none shall know.'
And the fool, looking down, believed this,
Not seeing, above his shoulders, the naked stars,
Each one remembering.
--John M. Ford, The Final Reflection

The Asylum Director

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"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker

Friday, September 07, 2007

You Know...

You know you're using your computer too much when you can't play solitaire with a real deck of cards.

You know you're texting too much when you believe 'you' is the improper spelling of the word 'u.'

You know you've been using Windows too long when you name your three kids Control, Alt, and Delete.

You know you're being too philosophical when you start comparing life to paint drying.

You know you've watched too much porn when you imagine everybody fully dressed to calm yourself down.

You know you've watched too much anime when you imagine a semi-nude transformation sequence every time a girl says she has to change.

You know you've watched too many foreign movies when you look for subtitles while watching a show in your native language.

You know you're bored when watching grass grow sounds like an exciting activity.

You know you need to get a life when you go to your first confession in a month, and you've got nothing to confess.

You know you have bad taste if you go to an ice cream parlor with 42 incredible flavors, and you pick vanilla.

You know you're poor when you don't even have calcium deposits.

You know you're stupid if you go in the window before checking if the door was locked.

You know you're stalking someone if they don't know who you are, but you know whether they put their pants on one leg at a time.

You know you need to buy a new car when snails start outrunning you and you're at top speed.

You know you're depressed if you think you're dead, look around, and believe that the afterlife is a severe disappointment.

You know you're not supposed to get married when you're third fiance doesn't show up.

You know you've got marital problems when your husband wants to be a girl.

You know you've been doing too many drugs when Britney Spears' songs actually start to sound like music to you.

You know you're watching too many soap operas when you start wondering if you're talking to your girlfriend's evil twin the moment she acts a little funny.

You know you're in shark-infested waters when you find that your leg's been chewed off.

You know you've been hanging around girls too much when you tell them "I understand" and actually mean it.

You know you need exercise when you can't even lift the TV remote.