And though I had slain a thousand foes less one,
The thousandth knife found my liver;
The thousandth enemy said to me,
'Now you shall die,
Now none shall know.'
And the fool, looking down, believed this,
Not seeing, above his shoulders, the naked stars,
Each one remembering.
--John M. Ford, The Final Reflection

The Asylum Director

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"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Old Friends, New Ideas

Sometimes, talking to an old friend is all a mind needs to get a spark going.

I wrote about how I'd rather forget my high school experience once. That still holds true. There's just so much of high school (And grade school, and college) that I'd much rather forget. However, as I said back then, there are some people from those years that I really wouldn't mind getting to know all over again, or at least becoming reacquainted with. I recently had a nice IM chat with one such figure from the old days, which was something that I thoroughly enjoyed.

Apart from the standard ritual of making attempts to summarize the past seven years of our lives into a few messages, we tossed around some ideas. I can't say I was displeased when I learned that someone else from my batch ended up discovering a kick for writing, even if there's a distinct possibility that she's always known she had a knack for the art. The fact that what she's writing isn't exactly something I'd bother to write myself is negligible. The fact that I actually managed to contact her after all this time (especially since she didn't have my contact info when she left), however, does matter to me.

Talking to her has made me realize two things. First, that I really ought to find a way to get back in touch with some of my friends from high school. A very small number of them, actually. As I said before, I didn't like HS all that much, and I don't particularly care for most of them even up to now. There are only a few I'd willingly spend time with again. The second thing? That I still have ideas in my head that need to be written out, and that talking to other writers can help me toss around a few ideas that I once deemed too rough for me to work on.

As I write this, I have also come to realize that I am really over-extending my creative faculties. I have my work quota to fulfill, plus this blog, and my new blog. Yet, I can't bring myself to consider it forgivable if I'm not writing at the top of my game. Weird, that. Considering how lazy and haphazard I am when I write, this strikes me as a stark contradiction to my own nature as a writer.

Man, do I have a lot on my plate. I suppose I might have to thank someone for my being able to prioritize my writing projects. As it stands, aside from work, here is the "ranking" for my current fiction projects:

Top Tier: Darkness & Stars
Middle Tier: Lie To Me, Lady In Black
Bottom Tier: assorted vignettes, Sisters Of The Storm

More on what these projects actually are later on.

Also, after much time contemplating things thanks to a particular post made by my friend, the cough syrup junkie, I have come to understand something. I cannot define my life without first defining myself.

About a week after that hit me, I realized I have no idea how to define myself. So that got me into even deeper thinking about life, the universe, and everything else. After more deliberation, I finally decided that I probably would remain at my current state, stagnant and decaying, unless I found a way to give myself a direction. Religion is obviously not an option, as religion would turn me into a drone rather than give me the answers I seek. To that end, I've come to realize that, to define myself, I need to answer four philosophical questions.

They are as follows:
Who are you?
What do you want?
Why are you here?
Where are you going?

Sadly, I don't have the answers. Not yet.

Oh, and the very definition of stupidity:

This one is much better.

Either version is actually ridiculously funny. If only because of the sheer stupidity of both the person who made the video and Britney Spears herself.

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