And though I had slain a thousand foes less one,
The thousandth knife found my liver;
The thousandth enemy said to me,
'Now you shall die,
Now none shall know.'
And the fool, looking down, believed this,
Not seeing, above his shoulders, the naked stars,
Each one remembering.
--John M. Ford, The Final Reflection

The Asylum Director

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"The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any." - Russel Baker

Monday, November 27, 2006

I'm Losing My Touch

I'm...well, I'm not entirely sure.

Creatively, I haven't completely stalled on XI, though I have re-tooled it (and Yuki's Diary) to fit into the context of a 3-part novel, currently given the title Tohya. Tohya is designed to be...well, I'm not entirely sure about that either. I mean, we glimpse her modus operandi in the first part, Yuki's Diary, and we see a touch of her personal and "professional" evolution in XI, but beyond that...I'm not sure. The idea is to make it come in 3 books, though I think it needs more. We've covered Kanako Tohya's murderous nature and her motivation, to a degree, in the first part. The second part shows off more of her twisted psyche, as well as a shift in her chosen "tools of the trade." The third would be used to elaborate on her past, on the "how and why" of Tohya. Yet, in reality, none of them are really written from her point of view.

I mean, YD was mostly from Yuki's, perspective, which is distorted because the two play mind games on each other. The second part is written from the eyes of another girl, one that's in her care and is quickly falling for her. I don't want to write a part grounded on Tohya's POV, as she's not a character who's comfortable with such. I don't want to return to Yuki's perspective long-term, though the way she "returns" in the story makes for an interesting avenue. Or, perhaps, an entirely different character is needed for the third book. Maybe someone taking notes on Kanako's mental condition? Though that last option requires a degree of trust that the character isn't eager to give out to anyone, especially after what happened to her "dearest Yuki."

In any case, at least my problem tells me that Tohya is alive and well in my head.

Which gives cause for us to move along...

As for my other fiction works, they've definitely stalled. My "dark fantasy" project is dead, though I managed to claw out a half-decent setting for it. I guess I decided to kill it when it started to seem too fantasy-flavored for my tastes. I'm thinking of doing a Gothic horror (well, as Gothic horror as I can make something) tragic romance. Think Romeo & Juliet meets Vampire: The Requiem and you'll get my idea. I'm not sure how far this version of the idea will get, though I intend to make it a better planned out one that the last time it brewed in my head. After all, what's more romantic than offering fresh blood, straight from the throat, to the lady you're wooing?

In my personal life, things have...changed. A friend from my previous work, I have just learned, is pregnant. Her birthday is tomorrow and I have no idea what to give her. If I can't think of one in time, I'll just cop out, buy a CD-R and burn onto it the songs in my collection that I know she enjoys listening to. If nothing else, it is better than nothing. I'd toyed around with the idea of burning a second disc filled with my orchestral music selection but I don't think she'd enjoy that.

Work is still work, as it has always been. I'm getting both tired and used to what my regular assignment is now. At the start, you feel a little overwhelmed by it. Then, you get a sense of wonder after you get used to it. Finally, it just gets old as you start noticing you're rehashing the same thing over and over again.

I've been re-watching Buffy, The Vampire Slayer. Much enjoyment. If nothing else, this will help me reaffirm the fact that Spike is my favorite character in the show. That, and I need to watch the entire second season and half of the third season, which I missed out on when it was showing in this neck of the woods.

I'm this close to finishing Final Fantasy VI, which is good and bad. Good because I feel the sense of satisfaction and sadistic enjoyment that I got when I hit disc 4 of Final Fantasy VIII. Bad because I don't feel inclined to start all over again and play through the game favoring a different party configuration, which is reminscent of my feelings after Final Fantasy VII. I also am not quite sure who to bring along to the end.

I know I'm going to bring Terra and Celes along (due to the fact that, by and large, they're the characters I'm most comfortable using and, therefore, my best) but the other two slots are...sketchy, at best. Shadow's Throw skill is useful since I've got a lot of stuff he can use as ammo but his offensive capacity beyond that is a little low. However, I won't really have any need for those weapons once the game's done, which is the same logic I have for setting up Setzer and his GP Toss ability. Edgar's nice and powerful, though I can't decide between the Dragoon Edgar set-up, or have him hold 2 weapons. Sabin, as of now, is too weak for me, and his Blitz skills (in my opinion) are not all that they're cracked up to be. Relm I'm considering solely for the cuteness factor, though her magic skills are up there with Terra and Celes, but her defense is...lacking. The rest...don't fit in that well with my plans. Eh, I'll figure it out when I get there.

In more news, I've become a Mod for Tuxedo Jack's forums. How odd, that. I have no qualifications for the job, aside from the ability to observe the forums for hours at a time while I really should be working, and a working knowledge of what is and is not to be considered spam there. I don't have any idea what the reason for this is, though for the most part, nothing's changed save for me moving a spam thread to where it belongs. Why am I talking about this like it matters? I don't know, actually. The last time something of this happened to me, people thought I was a Chiense lesbian blackjack dealer in Macau and made me Mod of their forums, which was essentially a femmeslash discussion board. Didn't last. The forums, I mean.

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